Just found this out. Holidays/ family.

[Nomchan]

I've just found out that my parents paid for my brother and sisters family holidays.

My parents went with them, separate holidays. My sister has 2 kids. And my brother has 3. They paid for everything except spending money.

I guess I'm jealous and annoyed at the imbalance. I haven't been on holiday in 4 years due to finances. Siblings are both single parents (brother not main caregiver though)

We are all in similar financial situations so it's not like I'm well off and they aren't.

I know I'm not entitled to anything at the end of the day but feeling a bit miffed about it.

The secrecy too. Parents never mentioned it. Neither did siblings. Felt like a secret I've been kept out of?

My parents have sold their holiday home and will be getting the money soon so part of me is wondering if I'll be offered the same once they have that?

Though I know it's rude of me to think that, but can't help it.

Yeah. I feel the same. They’ve been busted, that’s all.

Your parents are awful to do that i.e. not offer you the same and try to keep it hidden from you. If they pay for your siblings they should also pay for you. These things always have a way of coming out so they should have been more open. I'm glad you've managed to get to the bottom of it all though and that you and your family will be offered a holiday next year. Good for you for challenging it. So glad for you that it's been resolved before Christmas and so that there's no resentment over the holiday season. Have a wonderful time when you go on your holiday! 😎

It's shit OP! I understand the disparity completely. My siblings have always received more than me and I have been made well aware of it by our mother. All because I am more driven, compared to their laid back attitudes. I am also the single parent, both my siblings have working partners.
The hurt is real, the secrets are real and it is just shit!
It's a life lesson that you can learn from and make sure that you never repeat this treatment.

Have only read your comments OP, far too many to read.

It is odd and you need to ask your mum why she has done this. Does she get on/like your partner? And why kept a secret, that not even your siblings mentioned it.

I'd feel upset too.

Thats a lovely thing for your parents to do. Totally understandable to initially be a bit miffed. Enjoy your holiday

Your update cleared it up! Yes they really shouldn't have kept it a secret, would have saved a misunderstanding and the negative feelings.

It sounds like you have really lovely parents.

YANBU. My mum makes big differences, slightly more complex situation here with my siblings from different partner but it hurts nonetheless. It’s pretty shitty for you, try not to let it bother you, and hopefully she might make it up.

That was my first thought too but whatever the reason, just go with it. I would ask why they didn't just explain that in the first place instead of keeping it secret 🤷‍♀️

Why would your parents be underhand when it will only cause trouble? Your parents are no doubt doing their best and I'm sure that when you need help financially, they'll step up. I don't believe they need to give money equally all at once, as long as it's shared over time, as and when it's needed.

Your parents do see they have treated you differently and are trying to make up for it next year. It may be in hindsight because they got caught out but hey ho - a free holiday in 2023 - don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Don't refuse it.

I’m afraid I know exactly how you feel, it’s horrible and has honestly happened to me all through my life. What hurts even more is that Hubby and I do all the running around and sorting out of everything and it’s always been the same.

If I had adult children in financial need or an inability to cover some expense, out of respect for their privacy and my right to use my hard earned resources as I choose, I would not feel any obligation to share that information with their siblings. Nor would I feel the need to provide the same amount of funding to the other siblings in some twisted need to equalize things.

Giving when I sensed or observed a need that I was capable of meeting would be my form of equity. I cannot understand adults whining like children over the distribution of time or resources that belong to parents and are not things to which any adult child is entitled.

I love all of my children equally and as adults they would be entitled to that love, but beyond that anything else is a gift and not an entitlement.

Very glad to see that they were going to take you next year.
I hope you have a wonderful holiday with your parents in 2023

I’m grandparent age. Financially I treat my adult children roughly the same, I think it’s wrong of parents to treat them differently. I don’t think it’s underhand or dishonest though to not report spending on treats to siblings. I wouldn’t always think to mention it and how I spend my money is my business. Glad it’s sorted now OP.

You are only human and I think it only natural to feel a little miffed. I'm sad that my sibling had very substantial help while we scrimped by.

It would have been different if your DP had said something at the time and said they will do the same for you when they can. As it is now you won't know if it's really what they always intended or whether they feel bad that you found out. Do accept it and try to enjoy it.

i know its sorted now sort of but my df still doe things like this

my youngest sister lives with her partner they both work he still gives her loads of money on the basis she doesnt earn alot

i cant work so just my dh income which is less than theres-work that out

.

Well unless you have a poor relationship with your parents, I wouldn't immediately be thinking the worst. Maybe supporting your siblings to have a holiday as single parents, both to share the childcare in exchange for them joining in the family holiday?

Most people complaining or criticizing their parents would probably be quite offended if their parents were to decide to tell them how they as adults should budget, manage or spend their money. It is a bit presumptuous to then think that you should have input and expectations regarding your parents allocation if their resources.

When we become adults, the only expectation is that we like our parents should be able to provide for ourselves and our minor children. Anything else should be things for which we are grateful, but not things to which we are entitled.

I pity your parents having 3 children whom are all out to fleece them.

I assume you have a pretty bad relationship with your parents if you can't even bring yourself to say that seems a bit weird or unfair?

Or the opposite - she has a good relationship with them and wouldn't suspect them of favouritism, so she was surprised and wrong-footed and not sure how to handle it. Given the update, that seems more likely.

Some of the comments here are sooo entitled 'I'd chew them out' 'inequality of care and regard'. This is a family situation, not a boxing ring or thesis.
If anyone started spouting this stuff at me I think it would only go on to further damage the relationship.
'Damage limitation'? Perhaps. Or perhaps they are just telling the truth. If OP had been the first to be 'treated', would she have expected that her parents immediately announced this to the rest of the family?
I expect people do comment from their own sense of bitterness.
Glad there are people who are pleased for OP that they are reaching an amicable resolution.
No surprises there is so much conflict in the world when so many people seem to want to 'chew out' their nearest and dearest.

So would l….

Being treated differently is a horrible pill to swallow. In the case of my in laws, for some bizarre reason they favour the wealthier of their children over us.

Easy for me, they don't exist in my mind anymore as family since the the last episode and our DC would rather poke themselves in the eye than spend time with such shallow people. Sad for my husband though.

Thanks for the rant opportunity OP, hope your parents see the error of their ways before the same happens to you family. Nothing like serious inequality and favouritism to split a family.