To stop sending Christmas gifts to BIL's kids

[Brodies]

For context they have a 12yo and an 10yo. We have a 11yo and a 9yo. We live in different countries.

Every year we used to send their kids presents and in return they would send ours something in January.

MNHQ REDACTED POTENTIALLY IDENTIFYING DETAIL AT REQU OF OP

Aibu to think it's about time to stop sending them gifts? BIL is generally kind but doesn't stop the wife from being vile to us. Kids get on ok when they see each other

Why would you take this out on your nieces and nephews?? What on earth has it got to do with them?

Yep - don’t take it out on the kids.

Why do they send your kids' presents in January?

Their kids have never said thanks or commented on the gifts we've sent them. Our kids send them a thank you card every year

I’m another one who thinks this isn’t the kids fault.
If you don’t want to send gifts in general, fine, but you seem to be not wanting to send gifts just because you don’t like their DM.

Have no idea. We send them gifts a week before Christmas then they realise they haven't sent us anything. Every. Single. Year.

That’s down to your parenting rather than your children. Your niece and nephew obviously haven’t had the same guidance as yours have.

we don’t get a thank you off our nieces and nephews either whereas mine phone or text a message of thanks.

Could you transfer money directly into your niece and nephews bank account for them to spend rather than send gifts?

I wouldn’t and if they send something in January then send something on

Thing is, the kids never acknowledge the gifts. Would you still take the time and money to find them something, wrap them up and put them into a box, go to the post office and pay a fortune to send it to them?

Is this your husband's brothers family and children?

If so why is it up to you to send gifts?
Doesn't your OH sort out his side of the family?

IF they send something in January we will send them something in January

You live in different countries? Out of interest how often do you actually see your SIL?

It's always been me and I was happy with the arrangement. DH agrees with not buying them presents until we receive something from them this year

But in answer to your question

yes… I would buy without hesitation. Not for your SIL’s sake

for your nieces and nephews and brother. End of.

I definitely would be stopping this gift exchange. What’s the point when your kids don’t even get them for Christmas and the Nieces/ Nephews are too rude to even write a thank you card.

Yes it's my husband's brother

Once or twice a year

I like the idea of Jan presents! Stagger a bit and something to open in NY.

@drpet49 thank you. My thoughts exactly

And your husband has never said anything?

how does her nastiness actually manifest itself during the visits

and what is your DH’s thoughts on the matter?

They don't have to write a thank you card, they can just say thank you when we FaceTime each other on Christmas Day. They don't because they know our kids haven't received anything from them

Well with the postal strike, it's highly unlikely anything you order now will get there anyway.

Why not just email them and say that due to the postal strike, it probably makes sense to stop doing presents by post as the DCs are getting older anyway.

but could it be that if the last 10 years they have gifted in Jan it’s become a tradition rather than them forgetting?

and it’s not just the Sil forgetting if you do think so. It’s your husband’s brother too!!

Is your DH close to his brother?

I definitely would be stopping this gift exchange

so if this is your thoughts exactly and your DH also thinks so… why start this thread asking?