To stop sending Christmas gifts to BIL's kids

[Brodies]

For context they have a 12yo and an 10yo. We have a 11yo and a 9yo. We live in different countries.

Every year we used to send their kids presents and in return they would send ours something in January.

MNHQ REDACTED POTENTIALLY IDENTIFYING DETAIL AT REQU OF OP

Aibu to think it's about time to stop sending them gifts? BIL is generally kind but doesn't stop the wife from being vile to us. Kids get on ok when they see each other

I'd probably do a ten pound note in a card, but since you live in different countries, I guess that's out! I'd do something token-ish anyway. I got a fiver in a card from my auntie every birthday and Christmas. Never missed the presents at all.

I wouldn't send nothing tbh as I think that's a bit churlish. A thank you would be nice from them and maybe they'll do that when they're older. I probably wouldn't have done thank you letters at that age unless my parents remind me

Oh no DH and I do talk about it. She loves to make comments when it's just the two of us. She hates our kids too so very nasty to them

I didn’t mean you and your DH!

I meant your DH and his brother!

I wouldn't bother. If they lived close by and the cousins were close that's one thing but this isn't the case. Nothing to do with the wife - I just don't get why you would go to the trouble to send gifts in the first place.
I used to send gifts to a relative's kids - I didn't have any of my own when I started. I was the nominal god mother to one of them (no actual christening took place). Anyway for years I sent gifts and rarely got a thank you. Then I had my own and never received any presents for them. Then one year, after sending gifts, I got a message in APRIL saying that they knew I'd sent something but 'the kids get so many gifts I can't remember what they were'. I stopped sending them then.
They probably only send your kids gifts when they receive yours as they are hoping you won't!

How is your SIl “very nasty” to your children?

and why the heck hasn’t your husband said something to his brother?!

January gifting may be because of the customs of the country. The 3 Kings visit lots of European countries in January so that’s when the big shebang happens with gifts. December 25th isn’t as big a deal everywhere else as it is here.

This is very bizarre!! 😂

But if you usually send gifts in December, when nothing arrives they'll assume you've stopped altogether and presumably won't send anything in January... This all seems really petty. Your issue isn't with the kids, it's with their mother. Address it with her if you want to, not passively aggressively via her children.

wow. you don't like your SIL do you, but i get your frustration. it does seem as though their gifts to your kids are after thoughts, which year after year would be annoying. but at that age, it's poor parenting they don't thank you or acknowledge gifts. says more about your BIL and SIL. I'd probably keep sending gifts for your neice and nephew but scale it down and don't stress if they're not there on time. Or just put cash into a bank account?

well it’s about whether your husband wants to have a relationship with his niece and nephew isn’t it? Which is nothing to do with their parents

shitty thing for an uncle to do but sounds like he’s happy to be a shorty uncle.

means you’re no better than his brother and sil so just be honest with yourselves about that

Make life easier - go on Amazon for their country, send something directly and gift wrapped. Much easier than posting .

Just send a message saying your are having to slim.things down and from now on you won't be sending gifts

They probably hope you stop sending them. Do they send you their kids unwanted stuff?

If your DH isn't bothered - or is waiting until his DB sends something - then don't intervene.
No more gifts.

@Wanderingoff as for "It's a shitty thing for an uncle to do" - erm, OP's BIL is an uncle and CBA until January...precedent set.

@fancyacuppatea so because one brother is a shitty uncle that means it okay for the other one to be? That’s ridiculous. It’s about the children not the brothers.

Sorry you've had to go through that. Totally outrageous on their part! Glad you stopped sending.

Are the cousins even close?

They celebrate Christmas and they buy their kids gifts for Christmas

Op I’m fascinated that this SIL is“very nasty” to your children… and neither you nor your husband have allowed this to continue?

That your DH has never spoken to his brother about the forgetting Christmas and the nastiness to you

it is all so incredibly passive

They don't even say "thank you"...
What's the point? It's v possible they don't even know they've been sent that particular gift.

Anyway, not arguing. You have your opinion of shitty uncles and I have mine.

So they wait o wither buy in the sale or re-gift something their children recieved but didn't like ! Bugger that, sen a card.

But do they have another celebration in Jan as well?

@alasangne yes we've had plenty of those in the past!

Nope

@Goodgrief82 nope!