5 days into breastfeeding and I think I'm going to give up

[AliceAbsolum]

I had no idea how hard this would be. If I could just get the latch right regularly I think I'd be a lot better, but she just won't open her mouth.

She also won't sleep anywhere but on us... How does that work when DH goes back to work? If I formula fed he could do an equal block of time with her. Or maybe a dummy would really settle her, but I'm too worried about it interfering with breastfeeding.
It's only 5 days in but I'm not sure how much longer I can go with 3 1 hour naps a day

I can't enjoy her just constantly trying to stay awake all night long or struggling to get her to latch on.

Help :(

Main message - you need to do what's right for you and your family.

My experience - currently have an exclusively breastfed 5.5 month old. First 12 weeks were horrendous with colic and silent reflux. I didn't have more than 40 mins sleep in one go for weeks.

I had mastitis in week 1. Breastfeeding was excruciatingly painful to the extent that I had to bite down on something when he latched onto bad boob.

My HV friend told me that breastfeeding for most people is hideous for the first 6 to 8 weeks. After that, something just clicks. She was right.

I'm so SO glad I persevered. It's so easy to be able to feed and comfort your baby at any time, anywhere. I also know I have given him the best start in life. He's such a happy little boy now.

With sleep, he's always gone in his own sleep space at night, no co sleeping and no next to me crib. Difficult at first, but since 8 weeks he's had massive chunks of sleep and now sleeps 10 hours in one go.

In the day we do a mixture of pram, carrier and contact naps and have done from the start.

If you haven't already, get a sling. Absolute game changer.

Don't be fooled into thinking that formula will magically help them sleep. I've had friends who have been caught out with this. We've not used a dummy either as we didn't want to wrestle it off him at 6 months. It's easy to breastfeed back to sleep at night once you're into the swing of things.

Trust that it will get better and if you really feel strongly about it, ask your HV for guidance and follow all the breastfeeding accounts on Instagram that you can find!

Have you had your baby checked for tongue tie? Problems with latch often stem from the baby having a tongue tie. Don't just give up, seek help from your midwife and the breastfeeding support people (if you have them where you live). I had a bumpy start with my first, same thing as you describe, she did have a tongue tie which wasn't checked until she was around 6 weeks, I didn't want to get it snipped as she'd have been about 10 weeks by the time we got an appointment. I did stick at feeding though and fed her for over a year, the next baby 2.5 years and I'm 20 months into my 3rd. If breastfeeding works it's so easy and convenient, it's just cracking that bit at the start, it can be hard. It's your choice at the end of the day though.

Do whatever works for you. I tried, it didn't work out at all and one became very jaundiced as wasn't feeding enough even with bottle as well. Bottles weren't a faff even with twins but if your baby is not getting enough, do what is best for them and if it's a bottle, so be it.

Can you pump OP so DH can do some feeds?

or may be do 1 or 2 formula feeds so you get some rest

I completely agree with this. Noone told me beforehand how hard it was. I took it seriously and went to classes, and it was all benefits benefits benefits, nothing about what hard work it is. I struggled with supply, latch, grazes, mastitis and had a much easier time than some of my friends. I nursed dc1 to 8 months and dc2 to 20 months, and the whole time I was exhausted and run down. Now that I can put that time into perspective, I would never give someone else the advice that I got from every midwife and lactation consultant.

I also wonder, and this is purely non-expert speculation, whether the “human babies are born too young because of their big heads” theory accounts for why some newborns are so bad at nursing - they are just too underdeveloped. The difference between a newborn and a 3 month old in terms of breastfeeding efficiency is enormous.

My 7mo DS struggled to latch when he was first born (I have quite large boobs which didn’t help I think) - I expressed instead which meant DH could feed him and we knew how much milk he was taking. After those first few really tough weeks DS was happy to take to the breast again so now has expressed milk if we are out or I’m at work and directly feeds if I’m at home. It works for us but you need to do what works for you - baby will be happier with a happy mummy!

I found that baby wouldn’t sleep in for regardless of feeding.
it will get easier.
Breastfeeding was so hard in the beginning with DC1 - needed support from the feeding nurse, and it took a while for him to learn,
but after that it was so easy because we didn’t need to faff with making formula (especially at night). DC2 refused formula (after breastfeeding for 8 months) and would only drink the ready made stuff - cost a fortune.
but… you need to do what is best for your family - if you want to continue you could try pumping - it will take a while until your supply is up, but it means baby can have the odd bottle.
i found the first week the hardest, and gave a dummy - it massively helped with DC1. DC2 refused it…I only saw the benefits of breastfeeding after the first few weeks, when it was definitely easier

Ridiculous, if a mother dog dies you feed the puppies with formula, or find another lactating dog. Plenty of women cannot breast feed for many reasons, so there is nothing wrong in using formula feed. Do you suggest these babies starve, your comment is not helpful at all, just because you never had problems it doesn’t mean other mothers don’t.

Firstly, well done for getting to day 5! It's bloody hard work!

Secondly, and probably not what you want to hear, but everything your baby is doing is normal. Feeding alllllll the time and wanting to be held alllll the time is the norm (read about the 4th trimester if you haven't already! It explains a lot)!

Thirdly, as a previous breastfeeding & formula feeding mum (breastfed twins for 9 weeks, then switched to formula and BF singleton for 14 months). Personally, I preferred the breastfeeding.....Once I got through the cluster feeding, my baby learning to latch properly and tongue tie issues, it was totally worth it- I loved the ease of having milk whenever baby needed, without having to take a s**t tonne of equipment out or getting up at night to make bottles!

That being said, you should 1000% do what feels right to you and go with your decision unapologetically!

After all, a happy mummy= a happy baby!

Good luck!

I've nit read all the messages but do what's best for you.
My lo didn't feed well the first few days, ready to throw him out the window. My gp told me give him formula.. he drank 3oz bottle and slept for 5 hours flat...don't upset and stress yourself...he's 24 and 6ft plus..

Congratulations!
it’s so hard…I’ve had 4 children and breastfed all of them up to a point but absolutely hated it for the first few weeks.,,I found it so hard. I introduced a bottle of formula at 6 weeks with all of them and the relief I felt was immense! With my first, it wasn’t just the pain, exhaustion etc..it was mainly the feeling of reliance. I found that SO hard.

if you really want to breastfeed then you can still continue but combination feed even if it’s just one bottle a day (in my case formula).

Whatever you decide, good luck! Ultimately it doesn’t matter how you feed your baby as long they are fed…

My gp told me give him formula.. he drank 3oz bottle and slept for 5 hours flat long sleeps aren’t great for newborns @Notreallyhappy as it leaves them more prone to episodes of forgetting to breathe/ SIDS. It’s why babies are designed to feed little and often

It's does get easier. Can you go to a breastfeeding support group? Regarding sleep look up the safe sleep 7. Safe bedsharing was a revelation with a new baby, wish I'd done it sooner

Hi all. Thanks so much for all the help and advice. Honestly it's been invaluable.

Day 7 now and things have slightly improved. I saw the midwife when she weighed her and she showed me the rugby hold which has really helped the latch which has made a big difference.

I've got silver nipple cups and loads of cream and I'm feeling a bit better about it all.

I'm going to persevere but know that if I want to stop that's OK.

Oh and I'm going to an le Leche meeting tomorrow

Great news OP. It can sometimes take a few weeks to get into the groove of bf but once you've got the hang of it it becomes so easy - you'll find yourself being able to whip out a boob/nipple without anyone noticing and being able to feed whilst walking around or pushing a swing! Xx

That’s lovely news! Fond memories of rugby hold. Much more pleasant than when they’re two and do their own “crawl on your head and target your boob upside-down” hold

Glad it’s improving and that you’re feeling OK about either outcome.

Oh and I'm going to an le Leche meeting tomorrow

^ lovely news OP and this will make a huge difference. So many tips and tricks will help you .

That’s really good. Breastfeeding will save you time and money and it’s convenient , once you’ve got it sorted out which I hope will be possible for you. If breastfeeding doesn’t work out know that you are doing your best no matter if it’s bottle or breast.

Try mixing it up a bit by not giving up entirely on breastfeeding but adding in formula feeds too.

I am doing a mix of both as I wasn't producing enough milk for my baby's HUGE appetite. She now sleeps longer and dad can participate in night feeds.

Good luck 🍀

So she got weighed today at day 8 and she's lost weight :( 9.9% now. All that effort and my boobs are still shit. Feel like I've let her down. But I know logically it's not my fault

They suggested topping up with expressed milk so we got the pump out and nothing came out! So the poor little thing is suckling away on nothing. Awful

Not necessarily, I never managed to pump anything out and DD was still getting some milk from me (not enough so we topped up with formula).

Have you seen a breastfeeding consultant?

Losing 10% of weight is really normal. Taking 2 weeks (or a little more) to regain birth weight is fairly normal for breastfed babies. It's okay, really, don't panic yet! You certainly haven't done anything wrong.

Did you try to pump after a feed? Using a pump can be tricky for some women, it doesn't produce the same hormonal response as a crying baby!

Have you thought about trying fenugreek tablets? I got mine from Holland and Barrett and within 12 hours my milk supply had increased greatly. My daughter was in a similar situation (although a few weeks older) and she just cried continuously because she was hungry but I had no idea as I thought she was feeding loads.

This was the case with my first baby - couldn’t express much, baby losing weight. I topped up with formula each time, and we mixed fed successfully for around 5 months.