5 days into breastfeeding and I think I'm going to give up

[AliceAbsolum]

I had no idea how hard this would be. If I could just get the latch right regularly I think I'd be a lot better, but she just won't open her mouth.

She also won't sleep anywhere but on us... How does that work when DH goes back to work? If I formula fed he could do an equal block of time with her. Or maybe a dummy would really settle her, but I'm too worried about it interfering with breastfeeding.
It's only 5 days in but I'm not sure how much longer I can go with 3 1 hour naps a day

I can't enjoy her just constantly trying to stay awake all night long or struggling to get her to latch on.

Help :(

I'd also say that it did hurt with both of mine until they grew a little. Their mouths are so tiny and sometimes just a couple of weeks of growth makes a big difference. Once you do it get cracked it's great, so if you are committed to it, know that it will get better if you can just make it through this tough bit.

If the pain is too much, you can pump and cup or bottle feed. I've done that with both of my DDs at the start for different reasons and then gone on to breastfeed them fine.

No idea why people are recommended mixed/combi feeding - it fucks with your supply and demand. If you want to breastfeed do not add formula in! Just feed as much as physically possible. I wouldn’t bother with a dummy either - any time the baby is upset or looks remotely hungry, just stick them on the breast. Use lanolin between feeds.

the first 2 weeks are HARD. The next 6 weeks are better. From 3 months it’s delightful and it only gets easier and easier.

babies like to be held. It’s natural. Google the 4th trimester and try to enjoy the newborn cuddles as soon they don’t do them.

Breastfeeding is so hard the first couple of weeks. But honestly it gets so much easier and more enjoyable. If you can try a little longer I would but honestly if not don’t worry. I used to try one day at a time, and not worry about too far ahead. By week 3 we were in a bit of a groove so I kept going. Good luck!

But what does that have to do with OP who wants to breastfeed and is finding it hard?

I express and bottle feed baby. I have done for 5 months. I tried breast feeding but she had tongue tie which wasn't sorted for almost 3 months. Trying to feed directly from the breast was difficult. Tried nipple shields for a while.
So I've expressed the whole time. She now has some formula too (Kendamil) so a mix of both.
Do you have a breast feeding support team available to you in your area? That could help.

It will never cease to amaze, baffle, horrify and sadden me that we, as mammals, give our baby anything other than our own milk. It’s so fucking idiotic. Imagine a dog harvesting milk from a cow to feed its puppy? I can’t quite get my head around it. It really is a testament to the stupid society we built over the last hundreds of years with wet nurses in the Victorian times as feeding was “improper” for upper classes, with the introduction of formula etc and total lack of help and support to mothers.

this isn’t a pop at people using formula btw - I get why we are where we are. I see why people do it. I just think it’s utterly batshit/against human nature.

Can your midwife give help on getting to latch on. Its a while ago for me but once it happened it was so easy and no making bottles!

Hi,
Totally your choice to breastfeed or but if shes not opening her mouth is it possible she has tongue tie. I would ask the midwife or health visitor to check if you are struggling with latch. Also if your nipple feels clamped and is squashed afterwards it can be one of the signs.

Goodluck whatever you do!

OP, I've not rear the full thread so apologies if this has been said before. With my first son, the best thing a midwife ever said to me in those first few days was "people expect completely pain free latch but that's very rare at the start, but 2 weeks in and you're usually sorted".

There are some fantastic support groups on FB for bf'ing, and there's likely to be some support groups near you locally. There could also be peer supporters.

Also, huge congratulations on the birth of your child you're 3 days in. You're probably sore, achy, exhausted, and just starting the crazy hormone dips. You've got this, however you decide to feed baby. A fed baby is the best baby, at the end of the day no one will know whether someone has been breast or formula fed when they've moved on from the milk stage

I wish there was more honesty about how hard BF is. Then maybe we would be able to manage our expectations better.

I BF my DC for 2 years, after the first 3/4 months it got so much easier. The first 3/4 months were hard work though. The first month especially was absolute torture. I will stand by the fact that I believe it was worth it though (free/easy/good nutrition - not saying formula isn't but we have to be honest that breast milk is designed for babies).

But yes, the first few weeks can be hell and it's not helpful when people (usually medical staff) say it shouldn't hurt. DDs latch was great by all accounts, weight gain fine, but my god the pain and the tiredness..:

Having a newborn is pretty brutal whether you breast or bottle feed
.my first 2 weeks of breastfeeding hurt like he'll but baby put on weight well. And breastfeeding from month 1 onwards was delightful and gave us many precious moments.

Only you can decide

Breastfeeding the 2nd was a doddle

@stickydoughnuts talks a lot of sense.
For some people breastfeeding or formula feeding is not a big deal, for me it was important to keep trying to breastfeed despite a tricky start and some formula and expressed milk top ups in the early days I didn't want to stop before at least getting help from a breastfeeding support group or better still a lactation consultant.
For me it was the best decision to persevere as it then became easier. I really didn't want to formula feed and was glad I had kept going. I was advised not to quit on a bad day. If I had reached the point where I really didn't feel it was working out I knew formula was there as an option. We travelled a lot with baby DC and breastfeeding was so convenient.

All that aside the first few days/weeks are so tough, the only essentials are looking after the baby and yourself. Do what you need to do and congratulations on your lovely baby.

The total irony that you talk of a lack of support for mothers while calling formula feeding ‘fucking idiotic’ ‘stupid’ ‘batshit’ and ‘against human nature’.

Sympathy and empathy don’t extend to your human nature then?

It’s fine to switch. I only BF one of my 3 kids longer than 3wks. That was my middle child, did 8 months

I meant support for breastfeeding mothers. There’s shockingly little, which is why our stats are outrageously low. As everyone has said - it’s hard. I was shocked by how weird it felt initially, before it became natural and wonderful. If I hadn’t had family support I never would have done it for so long. Breastfeeding needs support and I think it’s a huge societal failure but I’m not returning to the thread because there are a lot of angry formula feeders and no one wants to hear the truth.

we are mammals we are supposed to breastfeed. It’s weird that we don’t.

@AliceAbsolum I'm 8 weeks into breastfeeding. The first fortnight was very hard, but as everyone pointed out to me, newborns are biologically programmed to want constant contact in the early days. My friend formula feeds her newborn and doesn't get any more sleep than me.

It's really difficult to get proper advice and support. I only cracked breastfeeding after a friend physically moved my arm and boob to help me with positioning.

Things changed for us when he started going in his moses basket and then snuz pod crib for 3/4 hours at a time. We now usually get 4 hours sleep, then nappy and feed, then another 3 hours. That is manageable to me.

You need to do what's right for you, but I would say search out whatever help is available and accept all offers of help ie with housework, cooking, moral support.

You're doing great 💐

Can we all not just agree that there are benefits and drawbacks to both breastfeeding and formula feeding.

Yes there are some small health gains to breastfeeding but these are only measurable at population level and there are many other important factors that go into nurturing a healthy baby and child.

Yes there are practical benefits to breastfeeding (you’ve got all the equipment you need on you, no prep required) but there are also practical benefits to formula (my partner could do feeding so I got more sleep - hurray! - and no expressing required to leave the baby with someone else).

It’s a bit like the c section vs vaginal birth debate: it’s very personal and it’s important that mum finds the path that is right for her without pressure or judgement from others.

It's the most rewarding thing I've done but I really struggled for the first few weeks. I promise you it gets better and it's SO much easier than bottles later down the line. Try not to stress yourself but hang on in there as long as you can :)

I was exactly like this in the early stages, and went on to feed for 18 months. I love my beauty sleep: when I don't get enough shuteye I'm impossible. For the first 12 weeks I was almost on my knees: I had a comfort-guzzler who would not be fooled by a dummy. My BF support group saved my sanity.

After that it gets much, much easier, especially when you're out and about. It went from feeling the hardest thing in the world to an absolute breeze.

If BF is important to you, know that it does get easier, and your baby will be fine as long as she keeps gaining weight. FF doesn't guarantee a good night's sleep, but is does mean you can share the task more equally with your partner, enabling you to get e rest.

The important thing is do what feels right for you.

NB - if DS hadn't been healthy and gaining weight I'd have given formula without hesitation.

I’ve been through everything you are going through. Day 3-5 we’re definitely the worst. The lack of sleep + breastfeeding being really hard are quite a tough combo and I think the answer is ‘get loads more support’.

Tongue tie ended up being the reason for the pain. Doing exercises I was shown on YouTube for tongue tie plus having some help with the rugby ball hold helped with the mouth not opening thing which is common with newborns (they get better at this as they get bigger). I had help at home for about an hour a pop on two separate occasions, and also paid for cranial osteopathy as my baby seemed to be in pain whenever she had to turn her head to the left and it was affecting her feeding. I went to la leche league groups and got help from my partner in the evenings and family visited most days for the first month until I got back on my feet after the birth.

I know that support is not accessible to everyone, and even when it is breastfeeding can still be a challenge, for me there were benefits to it, I ended up enjoying it and doing it for years and it was well worth it. I totally agree with everyone saying that formula is fine, after birth you are in pain, tired, often don’t have reserves of patience and strength and may not have practical support to make breastfeeding work and formula, although it still leaves you with the tiredness and the baby that will only sleep on you, removes at least the stress of keeping them fed and is an option I’m grateful I had.

It's pretty hard at the start but it gets easier. Then it gets easy.

At this stage it's best to just take one day at a time.

I found it really tough for the first few weeks but I would have really regretted it if I gave up.

I couldn't agree more. The drawbacks to breastfeeding outweighed the benefits for me but I can see why others would make a different choice.

As long as babies are fed, it doesn't matter. No parent should feel pressured either way.

Both of mine were useless at breastfeeding, so formula it was. Both horrendous sleepers, my youngest still hasn’t slept through the night and he’s 3. Def swap to formula for your sanity but don’t assume it’ll magically fix the sleeping issues.

@Giraffesandbottoms if only you could’ve let my son from 0-6m I think you would have a bit more understanding!!! I find your post really ignorant.. either bf has worked well for you and you can’t grasp that it doesn’t always, or you’ve never done it. It doesn’t always function as it should.