Page 7 | 5 days into breastfeeding and I think I'm going to give up

AliceAbsolum · 2022-12-10T01:22:07+00:00

I had no idea how hard this would be. If I could just get the latch right regularly I think I'd be a lot better, but she just won't open her mouth. She also won't sleep anywhere but on us... How does that work when DH goes back to work? If I formula fed he could do an equal block of time with her. Or maybe a dummy would really settle her, but I'm too worried about it interfering with breastfeeding. It's only 5 days in but I'm not sure how much longer I can go with 3 1 hour naps a day I can't enjoy her just constantly trying to stay awake all night long or struggling to get her to latch on. Help :(

hookiewookie29 · 10/12/2022 10:04

I never had any desire to breast feed either of my kids. Both bottle fed, full tummies, happy babies, happy mummy! They fed every 3-4 hours, not constantly which was a god send when hubby went back to work.

SnoozyLucy7 · 10/12/2022 10:06

lollyloo88 · 10/12/2022 10:00

But the problem is the OP probably wants to continue because everyone constantly says "breast is best" and the midwives promote it so much. I was the same and I felt I should breastfeed.
What's NOT helpful is people telling you to stick with it when it's just not working for you. Some people have a really hard time doing it, so you shouldn't compare your 'sore nipples' to their experience.
I plainly couldn't breastfeed, it was so painful and switching to formula was a huge relief.
Allow people to share their opinions without saying it's sad people are encouraging her not to. It's good to hear both sides when you're not sure!!!

100%. Very well put. I remember feeling that I had to say things that people wanted to hear, “the right things” just because I felt I was being a disappointment for not wanting to continue with breastfeeding.

Wronglane · 10/12/2022 10:11

www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/breastfeeding/benefits/

@lollyloo88 If there was an obvious benefit to BFing then I'm sure we'd all be doing it but there's kinda not....?

as per the above link there are lots of benefits. Less hospital visits, less obesity, less chance of leukaemia, less chance of SIDS, healthier heart as adults. Less chance of severe strep an infection.

for the mum - less chance of ovarian cancer, breast cancer, better heart health.

Blendandmix · 10/12/2022 10:13

In the long run breastfeeding is by far the easiest. No making bottles in the night, when they're upset you can soothe them quickly. My DD stopped BF at 10 months and I was gutted because it was my go to! I was very lucky though and we had no issues. If it's not for you move onto formula. Or express?

Blendandmix · 10/12/2022 10:14

@lollyloo88 said from someone whose clearly never even googled benefits of breastfeeding.....

Blendandmix · 10/12/2022 10:15

There's plenty of benefits to BF but if you can't or don't want too then that's another thing but you can't say there's no benefits when that's simply untrue

lollyloo88 · 10/12/2022 10:20

I think it's sad people would put themselves through pure misery for the sake of some statistics!
What they don't tell you is the likeliness of each of those things individually happening to someone who formula feeds. I'm pretty sure breastfed people are likely to get those things too so I wouldn't count on immunity.. especially if you're overweight.

What's very sad is you would put those statistics on here for someone to see who is seriously struggling with it!!!

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 10/12/2022 10:26

RambamThankyouMam · 10/12/2022 03:24

It's such early days. Stick it out and it will be worth it. Formula feeding is an absolute faff. And look at the ingredient list on the tub - full of stuff your baby doesn't need. Your milk is designed especially for your child.

Oh dear. The great misinformed preachers are out.

Wronglane · 10/12/2022 10:30

if you really want the stats you ask for you can find them quite easily. A quick google showed me A 2015 meta-analysisTrusted Source of 17 studies suggests that 14 to 20 percent of all childhood leukemia cases may be prevented by breastfeeding for 6 months or more.

@lollyloo88 i don’t care if women choose to BF or formula feed but I DO care that they have the correct information from which to make that decision. Your post stating there is no benefit to BF was simply wrong and needed correcting.

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 10/12/2022 10:38

Snowfallinglightly · 10/12/2022 09:01

I would suggested getting them on formula, they will be nice and full and hopefully sleep longer as you will be able to see how much they are drinking.

Anyone would sleep longer if their stomach was full and over stretched. New borns have tiny stomachs and are meant to take in small amounts and you don’t need to ‘see how much they are drinking’ because feeding should be baby led (unless on medically instigated feeding plan). They are designed to feed more frequently and often and yes can wake and feed more frequently at times. It’s normal baby behaviour.

A bottle feeding fuller stomach approach means they are less likely to learn to regulate their own appetite/ satiety and predisposes to obesity.

Apologies if this information is not needed.

Infant Feeding and Weight Gain: Separating Breast Milk From Breastfeeding and Formula From Food
publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/142/4/e20181092/37391/Infant-Feeding-and-Weight-Gain-Separating-Breast?autologincheck=redirected

The real link between breastfeeding and preventing obesity
www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-real-link-between-breastfeeding-and-preventing-obesity-2018101614998

Breastfeeding during the first year promotes satiety responsiveness in children aged 18-24 months
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22911888/
“at least 6 weeks of breastfeeding was required for increased satiety responsiveness to emerge.”

Do infants fed from bottles lack self-regulation of milk intake compared with directly breastfed infants?
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20457676/
“Infants who are bottle-fed in early infancy are more likely to empty the bottle or cup in late infancy than those who are fed directly at the breast. Bottle-feeding, regardless of the type of milk, is distinct from feeding at the breast in its effect on infants' self-regulation of milk intake.”

Do infants fed directly from the breast have improved appetite regulation and slower growth during early childhood compared with infants fed from a bottle?
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21849028/
“While direct breastfeeding was not found to differentially affect growth trajectories from infancy to childhood compared to bottle-feeding, results suggest direct breastfeeding during early infancy is associated with greater appetite regulation later in childhood. A better understanding of such behavioral distinctions between direct breastfeeding and bottle-feeding may identify new pathways to reduce the pediatric obesity epidemic.”

Oh dear. Respectfully, get a life and find something else to think about.

ElspethTascioni · 10/12/2022 10:39

Ultimately, you must do what works for you, but if you want to keep trying things I recommend are:

googling the “flipple” method for videos on you tube - really transformed sorting out dodgy latch for me
lansinoh nipple cream - again, game changer
read up on safe co-sleeping

Good luck with whatever you do!

stuntbubbles · 10/12/2022 10:44

SnoozyLucy7 · 10/12/2022 09:55

I think it’s clear that OP wants to formula feed, for the very legitimate reasons she has explained. And that’s good enough. Of course there are health benefits to breast feeding but some women don’t want to or can’t, and their babies turn our healthy and strong and very bonded to their parents. Nothing sad about that.

Show quote history

Really? I thought it was very clear she wanted to breastfeed and was struggling – she doesn’t want to use a dummy because it might interfere with her feeding, she’s committed to two more weeks, she’s obsessed with the latch: those aren’t the clear-cut thoughts of someone who wants to formula feed.

The sad posts to me aren’t the ones giving advice on experiences and sharing that formula isn’t the sleep cure-all: more the one-sentence “just give up” blunt no-information ones. Regardless of which side of the fence OP falls and what decision she makes, those kind of posts are sad and unhelpful, I think. Because they offer zero context or support or nuance to someone who’s only five days into parenthood. It’s a bit shit.

Herefordeals · 10/12/2022 10:46

I was you. I struggled but was determined not to give up and felt pressured because of the benefits which are shoved in our faces.

I was advised to express initially so my supply didn't dwindle while we perfected the latch. This turned into expressing more and more because I was so tired and doing that plus trying to breastfeed in between was becoming impossible. 11 months on I'm still exclusively expressing. It has been the best and worst thing I did. I hate how breastfeeding is sold as the 'most natural thing in the world' yet its hard, hard work and this notion makes us women feel inadequate when it doesn't happen like we expect!

Best of luck and do what YOU need to do. This is such a special time and it goes so fast. I lost so much of it stressing, attached to a machine. What matters is baby is fed and you're happy. I wish someone told me this! You're doing great.

Isthisexpected · 10/12/2022 10:47

You're doing great. Keep at it! Things will improve with the right support.

SnoozyLucy7 · 10/12/2022 11:02

stuntbubbles · 10/12/2022 10:44

Really? I thought it was very clear she wanted to breastfeed and was struggling – she doesn’t want to use a dummy because it might interfere with her feeding, she’s committed to two more weeks, she’s obsessed with the latch: those aren’t the clear-cut thoughts of someone who wants to formula feed.

The sad posts to me aren’t the ones giving advice on experiences and sharing that formula isn’t the sleep cure-all: more the one-sentence “just give up” blunt no-information ones. Regardless of which side of the fence OP falls and what decision she makes, those kind of posts are sad and unhelpful, I think. Because they offer zero context or support or nuance to someone who’s only five days into parenthood. It’s a bit shit.

Show quote history

What’s a bit shit is that women, who have started of with the best intentions of breastfeeding, even with information and support, have still had not been happy or able to carry on for a multitude of reasons, but still hear “don’t give up, keep going”. It’s like they are not being listened to. I wasn’t listened to and I was dismissed on more than one occasion This my experience, it nearly ended up quite badly for my my baby and I.

OP came on here clearly seeking advice, for the best way forwards for her and her baby. So if she is going to continue to breast feed or not, there is a clear degree of consideration for switching to formula. She may not in which is, great. But if she switches to formula that’s fine as well. But it’s not actually shit and no new mother needs to be made to feel rubbish for it.

lollyloo88 · 10/12/2022 11:05

Isthisexpected · 10/12/2022 10:47

You're doing great. Keep at it! Things will improve with the right support.

But she's not is she? Because not everyone does do great with it. Your words of encouragement are not helpful, it's not like she's doing a run and near the end, breastfeeding doesn't work for everyone, simple as.

stuntbubbles · 10/12/2022 11:05

@SnoozyLucy7 Yes, she’s come for advice and support. 90% of this thread is supportive I think, from both sides of the feeding options. But there are, undeniably, a quite a few shit posts – and I include here the “breast is best” pressure brigade and the “just stop, end of” crowd. Neither are helpful.

SnoozyLucy7 · 10/12/2022 11:18

stuntbubbles · 10/12/2022 11:05

@SnoozyLucy7 Yes, she’s come for advice and support. 90% of this thread is supportive I think, from both sides of the feeding options. But there are, undeniably, a quite a few shit posts – and I include here the “breast is best” pressure brigade and the “just stop, end of” crowd. Neither are helpful.

I am not part of the “just stop, end of crowd”. I really believe that breastfeeding is a great thing to do, and if it’s possible then of course the mother should to it. My real gripe is that if a mother, for what ever reason, can’t or no longer wants to carry on , than she gets jumped on to carry on, seemingly without recognition of are inability to carry on, some times without being listened this. I feel that this was my experience. Once I started formula feeding, I remember one of the midwives/hv saying how disappointed they were in my choice. So messed up.

Aria999 · 10/12/2022 12:42

@AliceAbsolum also you probably already know this but put lanolin ointment on your nipples (do it sooner rather than later, before they get too painful) and you can get plastic nipple shields which keep your clothes off the sore area.

I found I only needed these things for a few weeks. Your nipples definitely toughen up.

Giving it 2 weeks sounds like a good idea.

Good luck xx

sjxoxo · 10/12/2022 13:37

Interested in hearing what support is actually given when you go to la lèche league or à ‘breastfeeding cafe?’. I saw several lactation midwives when I was struggling and found the support really useless. For me it was more ‘all looks ok, just soldier on’, it wasn’t particularly thorough or technical and maybe I felt a bit better asking for help but in reality when you go home it’s still just you. I just really felt like my son didn’t want to breastfeed which sounds mad but he has never showed any real interest after the age of about 2 months! At the start we were ok but as he grew and realised there was more in the world he just wouldn’t give my boobs a second look. It was so hard! If you do want to continue I’d second trying nipple shields and combi feeding Xx

Lemonlady22 · 10/12/2022 13:42

What people never tell you is that breast feeding has to suit you and suit your baby, sometimes one doesn’t go well with the other. My first I couldn’t get on with it, baby not putting on weight etc, bottle fed as worried about not giving him enough, there were other probs which got eventually sorted with paeds help, second one started well, he ended up in itu tube fed due to resp probs, third one after emcs latched on and I breast fed for over a year. Do what’s best for you and your baby and ignore anyone who says otherwise, good luck

paintitallover · 10/12/2022 17:44

I think it can be hard to establish, but much easier in the long run.

Tandora · 10/12/2022 17:50

Don’t worry about giving baby a dummy. Both mine had a dummy from birth and were EBF until 2. Never interfered with bf at all xx

Murdoch1949 · 10/12/2022 19:22

If you really wanted to breastfeed, giving up so soon may lead to regrets. Your milk has only just come in, your baby is learning a skill, as are you. It's not easy, try different positions, laying next to baby for example. Get help from a bf counsellor. Once you've really tried, if you need to give up at least you've given it your best go.

Hugasauras · 10/12/2022 19:28

Going to ignore all the 'just give a bottle' comments I'm sure are littering this post.

Get some face to face help. If you can afford a lactation consultant, get one to visit you at your home and help you. Mine was worth her weight in gold.

The first part is the worst bit. You are both learning a new skill and it will take time for you both to get the hang of it. It gets easier, and if it's important to you then persevere in the knowledge this is the worst bit.

I've had shit starts with both of mine but I'm 6m PP with DD2 and feeding is fine now. You just need to get over the hump, if you really do want to breastfeed.