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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be utterly sick of this maddeningly nonsensical bit of corporate wankspeak?

573 replies

MossyOilTank · 09/12/2022 19:00

What is with the phrase "the piece" ... for example, "it's the piece around engagement with stakeholders" ... "the piece on communicating key messages" ... "the piece about maximizing outputs". IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

OP posts:
Tuilpmouse · 10/12/2022 23:01

My personal favourite is "whisking the sardines with the spinach".

dubyalass · 10/12/2022 23:04

Onboarding always makes me think of waterboarding which I'm sure is not what employers are intending.

ErrolTheDragon · 10/12/2022 23:09

Tuilpmouse · 10/12/2022 23:01

My personal favourite is "whisking the sardines with the spinach".

Wtf is that supposed to mean? Making a disgusting mess of good ingredients?Confused

Patronus · 10/12/2022 23:10

Tuilpmouse · 10/12/2022 23:01

My personal favourite is "whisking the sardines with the spinach".

Please explain! Cos I’m totally throwing that around at any opportunity next week!! 😂

purplebunny2012 · 10/12/2022 23:26

My boss said on Teams the other day she'd heard someone use some piece of wankspeak (I can't remember what it was now). I thought she was going to laugh it off, but no, she said she must remember it so she can also use it. I just rolled my eyes so hard as it sounded like complete bollocks to me

NeverDropYourMooncup · 10/12/2022 23:29

Scooopsahoy · 10/12/2022 22:47

One that’s popped up recently in my organisation is ‘golden thread’. Instead of just talking about links or similarities between projects or areas of work someone always has to ask ‘but what is the golden thread between these?’

'Are we talking about Ariadne's thread, which actually refers to finding all solutions, good and bad, rather than just one, or are we talking about the Golden Thread of Building Safety, in which case, we should be asking the BSM for their input? Neither? Ah, right, in which case, surely we should be looking for the Promethean Flame by which to light the path onwards?'

MimiArm · 11/12/2022 00:12

We need to go after the low hanging fruit.

As a belt and braces approach ...

Let's make sure we dot the "i"s and cross the "t"s.

This case does not sit on all fours with [that case]...

Team, can we go pens down for now and we will circle back by close of play if anything changes.

🤮

Reading this thread has re-affirmed to me that I hate my job so much.

SLS500 · 11/12/2022 01:51

“Keep me honest” aka I know and you know I’m talking shit, but humour me please

WiddlinDiddlin · 11/12/2022 04:16

TheYummyPatler · 10/12/2022 17:54

@WiddlinDiddlin surely though, there’s ridiculous design speak from your team too. You know there’s a whole - very silly - language of design too.

We're not designers, sorry, we do something that is science based, ish, I am certain it does baffle them though yes but we don't have to tell them that much, its them telling us stuff.

Magentax - yes pretty much that is what we do, we just dead pan and 'I am sorry, I don't follow...'

Fortunately (or entirely possibly as a result of this) we have few meetings now and those we have are fairly swift and to the point!

BoxOfCats · 11/12/2022 05:58

Re "slide deck" - where I live (down under), it's also referred to as a "preso" (as in presentation) Grin

Luckycatt · 11/12/2022 06:44

Where I grew up a piece was a sandwich. Eg a cheese piece. Hope that helps in your meetings going forward.

ferneytorro · 11/12/2022 06:57

FluffyYucca · 09/12/2022 19:43

I’m still not entirely sure what a “town hall” or “fireside chat” actually is. Or whether there’s meant to be any discernible difference between the two.

Oh god we’ve started with the “fireside chats”. With these things I find you’ve got to be vigilant and the first time someone uses the phrase ask them to repeat it, explain it and roundly ridicule it and suggest they do not use that phrase out loud again. Otherwise the bloody things just worm their way into common parlance.

ferneytorro · 11/12/2022 06:58

As I understand it a fireside chat is an informal conversation, town hall is a way of getting a message to a large number of people. They are both meetings though!

Tuilpmouse · 11/12/2022 07:27

Wtf is that supposed to mean? Making a disgusting mess of good ingredients?

Yes, it means making a mess of things...

Tuilpmouse · 11/12/2022 07:31

Idontcareboutthestateofmyhair · 10/12/2022 22:52

Small thing.. I work in engineering.. only two females out of a team of 25.. ok 'guys' lets look at this guys' etc etc.. I'm not a fucking guy!!!! 'gather round guys' 😱

Used in that context, guys has generally been seen as gender neutral for many years.

spaghettimaretti · 11/12/2022 07:35

” holding space” I just don’t get it.

makes me want to scream and tut

spaghettimaretti · 11/12/2022 07:36

Also “ reach out to x” instead of “phone/ speak to x”

ffs

TheYummyPatler · 11/12/2022 07:37

@MimiArm In mu old job, I used to despair at ‘holding the pen on’.

‘Do you want to hold the pen on that?’ No. But I fully understand you’d like me to write the first draft.

DeliberatelyObtuse · 11/12/2022 07:39

TheYummyPatler · 11/12/2022 07:37

@MimiArm In mu old job, I used to despair at ‘holding the pen on’.

‘Do you want to hold the pen on that?’ No. But I fully understand you’d like me to write the first draft.

This is so bad it's good! I'm going to try to use that at work tomorrow...

Minime88888888 · 11/12/2022 07:54

✊

Minime88888888 · 11/12/2022 07:54

'Like'

Autumn61 · 11/12/2022 08:11

ExtraOnions · 09/12/2022 19:15

“The piece” is just a shortened way of saying “the piece of work” .. of course it means something

“Due Diligence” is a legal requirement around procurement … we need more if that (PPE springs to mind)

Poster never mentioned due diligence

MzHz · 11/12/2022 08:42

tillytoodles1 · 09/12/2022 19:19

I remember when trying to arrange meetings, people would say they'd need to pick a window. Why couldn't they just say we'll sort out a time.

Pick a window is fighting talk! 😂🤣

think east end gangster, “oi you, pick a winda “

Ukrainebaby23 · 11/12/2022 08:47

MossyOilTank · 09/12/2022 19:00

What is with the phrase "the piece" ... for example, "it's the piece around engagement with stakeholders" ... "the piece on communicating key messages" ... "the piece about maximizing outputs". IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

Never heard this used like this, mind you I've been out if corporate for about 20 years. It'll get into public services in about a decade.

Neverplayleapfrogwithmrpipes · 11/12/2022 09:17

"Granular results"