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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be utterly sick of this maddeningly nonsensical bit of corporate wankspeak?

573 replies

MossyOilTank · 09/12/2022 19:00

What is with the phrase "the piece" ... for example, "it's the piece around engagement with stakeholders" ... "the piece on communicating key messages" ... "the piece about maximizing outputs". IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

OP posts:
HappyPeaPod7 · 10/12/2022 20:30

The classic ....."joined up thinking"😫

rosemarysalter · 10/12/2022 20:31

I work in the tech space.
Nobody uses corporate wank speak there

HappyPeaPod7 · 10/12/2022 20:39

And the most annoying phrase ....... " I've got skin in the game".
😬😖

Heythrop84 · 10/12/2022 20:47

The worse bit of nonsense I ever got was an invoice where the letter (?) ended:

Enjoy,

Nicholas Xxxxx

It was for over £5,000

Gardengirl108 · 10/12/2022 20:50

RaraRachael · 09/12/2022 19:06

There's so much of this meaningless shit around -

deep dives
due diligence

We need more due diligence, not less!

7Worfs · 10/12/2022 20:56

oosha · 10/12/2022 20:28

It refers to the ability to see improvements or a movement in the right direction in relation to a particular project

Show quote history

Oh boy

DenaJT · 10/12/2022 21:08

Got to love management speak. I mean, you've run this up our flagpoles, and we're saluting it. Drives me nuts too!

Tuilpmouse · 10/12/2022 21:14

OnSecondThoughts · 10/12/2022 18:58

I kind of knew that due diligence meant something in particular to do with things like mergers and all that, but I still think it's a daft name for whatever it means, because it translates in my head as "being careful about x, but not ridiculously over-careful, nor sloppy and under-careful, but just the right amount of careful, the amount that is in fact...due". Which you'd hope is the amount of careful that people already are, without needing to be told? But I suppose not!

In my experience, it just refers to situations where a decision has been made in principle, but where legal and financial checks need to done before the decision is finalised.... To use a house-buying analogy, it's the work that needs to be done between placing an offer and exchanging contracts.

Tuilpmouse · 10/12/2022 21:19

"Segway" is another that's emerged over the past year or so.

AngelaBrazilNuts · 10/12/2022 21:21

The Barbarians are really at the gates butchering the language.

Tell them to Piece Off and not come back until they have a toddler's command of English.

GlitterSpark · 10/12/2022 21:23

I see your "piece" and raise you a "risk appetite". I heard it in every credit risk meeting for about 5 years, made me cringe every time.

Notmeagain23 · 10/12/2022 21:51

In my workplace, we love to ‘bake things into the budget’… it’s a phrase that has stuck and spreads like wildfire from one meeting to another each year. You’re not budgeting right if you’re not baking those assumptions in!

My other favourite is referring to a table in an Excel spreadsheet as a ‘database’ or ‘system’.

FrangipaniBlue · 10/12/2022 22:01

GlitterSpark · 10/12/2022 21:23

I see your "piece" and raise you a "risk appetite". I heard it in every credit risk meeting for about 5 years, made me cringe every time.

Um risk appetite is a fundamental part of managing risk....... and it's certainly not corporate wank speak in the context of credit risk Confused

BugEyedBeans · 10/12/2022 22:03

'open the kimono' sounds like 70's porno, moustaches and shortie robes - eewww!

louderthan · 10/12/2022 22:25

'Deliverables'
'Stakeholder buy-in'

louderthan · 10/12/2022 22:27

'I'll loop you into that conversation'

louderthan · 10/12/2022 22:33

I like talking about 'robust, workable, embedded staff development' because it makes managers all twitchy Smile

louderthan · 10/12/2022 22:34

Also 'real-world solution'. That's another favourite of mine to puss managers off.

GeordieLass89 · 10/12/2022 22:41

FrangipaniBlue · 10/12/2022 22:01

Um risk appetite is a fundamental part of managing risk....... and it's certainly not corporate wank speak in the context of credit risk Confused

Show quote history

Um I know, I was a Credit Manager....... and it's certainly a term that still makes me cringe in the context of credit risk 🤔

Nonicknamesleft · 10/12/2022 22:43

'Assets' has been around for donkeys in the context of stuff like company-owned imagery, logos and what have you. I haven't worked in communications for about 15 years but that's what we called those things then. Whilst it may be annoying, it's at least one term that isn't especially new.

Magentax · 10/12/2022 22:46

GeordieLass89 · 10/12/2022 22:41

Um I know, I was a Credit Manager....... and it's certainly a term that still makes me cringe in the context of credit risk 🤔

Show quote history

What do you say instead? I don’t mind this one makes sense in context and is succinct and easily understood.

Scooopsahoy · 10/12/2022 22:47

One that’s popped up recently in my organisation is ‘golden thread’. Instead of just talking about links or similarities between projects or areas of work someone always has to ask ‘but what is the golden thread between these?’

Idontcareboutthestateofmyhair · 10/12/2022 22:52

Small thing.. I work in engineering.. only two females out of a team of 25.. ok 'guys' lets look at this guys' etc etc.. I'm not a fucking guy!!!! 'gather round guys' 😱

Patronus · 10/12/2022 22:54

People who are neither chemists nor musicians synthesising.

crabb · 10/12/2022 22:58

“Onboarding” an employee. Surely that’s getting on a ship or a plane?