to be utterly sick of this maddeningly nonsensical bit of corporate wankspeak?

[MossyOilTank]

What is with the phrase "the piece" ... for example, "it's the piece around engagement with stakeholders" ... "the piece on communicating key messages" ... "the piece about maximizing outputs". IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

All cringey
"In the round"
"X has the ring on this"
"Roadmap"

To me “asset” means something very specific, as in IT asset management. There’s also the obvious financial meaning.

And undercover agents of course. I'm guessing not many of us work for the CIA though.

I kind of knew that due diligence meant something in particular to do with things like mergers and all that, but I still think it's a daft name for whatever it means, because it translates in my head as "being careful about x, but not ridiculously over-careful, nor sloppy and under-careful, but just the right amount of careful, the amount that is in fact...due". Which you'd hope is the amount of careful that people already are, without needing to be told? But I suppose not!

What due diligence definitely does not mean is ‘read the paperwork send round before the meeting’. And yet, so many people think having opened the PPT and given it a quick scan just before the meeting should be described as such.

All I can say it that I am glad to be clear of all this complete and utter nonsense speak. I would say hit it and say to say these clowns say what you mean in no uncertain terms.

When even my dentist started wittering on about journey I knew it was all over. Corporate vacuous platitudes to foster the illusion of action whilst hiding behind vague shite

Yes yes yes, same project management stuff just with stupid words. The language annoys me soo much I want to argue with everything.

My only interest in the piece is if it's really nice homemade jam !

Haha, I’m rewatching Burn Notice as I type this, how could I forget the spy meaning!

See also: source, tradecraft, false flag. 🤫

An asset is anything you can realise monetary value from or that serve some useful purpose.

So if those files, be they images, documents, spreadsheets whatever have some tangible value to the organisation, it's perfectly valid to describe them as an asset. If an employee has spent time and effort creating them, why would they be classed as an asset.

You're more likely to find that digital files are assets nowadays than something physical.

I'm not sure what other wording to use when instructing my team to look into and provide analysis of something before we move forward - due diligence is the simple way to make that request.

Agree some other terms drive me up the wall. I can't stand 'lean in'.

For me it’s “reach out”.
”Could you just reach out to Xxxx to clarify please?”. Just bloody say email or call.
Wanky.

And when did 'swap out' become a phrase? What was wrong with just 'swap' ?

So much bollocks. Outplacement = loads of job cuts. Market collateral = marketing stuff. Piece is just a piece of shit. Deck? 🙄 get out of here. My old boss used call tasks a 'job of work'. 🤮 I mean, show me the job that isn't work. PLEASE.

I can’t take people seriously when they say ‘Hi, I’m Sarah, she/her pronouns’ Alright love, I know you’re a female.

Every time I see the she/her he/him at the bottom of an email I feel annoyed. This is one of the single most ridiculous ideas ever to be taken seriously. We haven't been asked to add this shit on our signature..yet... but I shall refuse to if we are.

All Hands and Town Halls

If someone says ‘green shoots’ one more f*cking time I’m going to scream…..

Are you sure it's not "the peace"? Peace out!

What the hell is your problem?
It's a lighthearted thread about wank speak; incidentally everything you've been spouting on your aggressive posts 😂

"Press the flesh".
🤮

Wtf is a deep dive??

What is it supposed to mean?

It refers to the ability to see improvements or a movement in the right direction in relation to a particular project