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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be utterly sick of this maddeningly nonsensical bit of corporate wankspeak?

573 replies

MossyOilTank · 09/12/2022 19:00

What is with the phrase "the piece" ... for example, "it's the piece around engagement with stakeholders" ... "the piece on communicating key messages" ... "the piece about maximizing outputs". IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

OP posts:
MichaelFabricantWig · 10/12/2022 08:52

“Vanilla” ie used to describe a plain or style document or deed is absolutely cringeworthy as well.

MichaelFabricantWig · 10/12/2022 08:54

Optics is shit. Unless you work in an optician’s or in a pub.

I do use revert a lot sadly. And “per my previous email” or “my previous email refers”

7Worfs · 10/12/2022 09:02

“We also like to be seen to be "forward-leaning"

Isn’t “forward leaning” just falling? 🤔

girlswillbegirls · 10/12/2022 09:05

lionsandwhales · 09/12/2022 23:43

Double click. I love this and will enjoy myself no end next week with a daily challenge of dropping this in to meetings next week. Problem is I don’t have a poker face and will be tittering as I say it. Small things. Should grow-up but don’t know how.

@lionsandwhales enjoy that moment😂It is the small things.
You made my day.

KimberleyClark · 10/12/2022 09:12

FB546 · 09/12/2022 19:34

Are you going to 'reach out' to James? No I'll phone him like normal people do. Gah.

And are you going to give him a heads up? No I’ll just let him know.

Goldenbear · 10/12/2022 09:17

Due diligence is not made up and I don’t agree that it is misused, IME many people who should know what it means (due to their senior positions) don't! Just because your job doesn't entail carrying out due diligence it doesn't mean it is made up. I got told on another thread that my job as a Data Protection Consultant is a made up job. The poster telling me this clearly didn't have a clue what they were talking about.

Goldenbear · 10/12/2022 09:21

My Dad has used the term, 'piece' since way back, a posh middle class bloke that uses it to talk about articles he has read or listened to on the radio.

Willmafrockfit · 10/12/2022 09:23

i can cope with Cascade in an email
but i have hated Heads Up for a long time!

Dogsarebetterthanhumans · 10/12/2022 09:23

Bumperr · 09/12/2022 19:15

Please tell me you're joking. Both of these are actual, legitimate names of things.

This.
A deep dive has a very specific meaning in change management and due diligence is a very specific legal process.

Dogsarebetterthanhumans · 10/12/2022 09:27

Agile is a legitimate project methodology. It’s used all over the world.

KimberleyClark · 10/12/2022 09:27

Herejustforthisone · 09/12/2022 20:00

I can’t bear nouning verbs: like ‘invite’.

I actually can’t think of anymore.

Or electric used as a noun - “gas and electric”. It’s an adjective.

FlimFlam2 · 10/12/2022 09:29

DomesticShortHair · 09/12/2022 19:31

Saying ‘delta’ rather than ‘difference’.

I first heard this around a year ago - first I was baffled, then I was tickled. I myself promulgated this bit of wank.

I also came up with my own corporate garbage word substitution (but it's very industry specific) and was amazed by how quickly it caught on. I used it in a couple of meetings and all of a sudden everyone was saying it. 😎

Willmafrockfit · 10/12/2022 09:29

@Dogsarebetterthanhumans rtft, your points have been made already
it is all about the context of the words

LlynTegid · 10/12/2022 09:30

For all its failures, if the tv show 'That's Life' was still on, it could have a weekly feature on corporate speak, and highlight one stupid expression each week.

Magentax · 10/12/2022 09:30

KimberleyClark · 10/12/2022 09:27

Or electric used as a noun - “gas and electric”. It’s an adjective.

Gas is a noun - electric is being used there as a shorthand for electricity, which is also a noun.

Flumpaphone · 10/12/2022 09:31

"Let's lean on to that"

[moves chair back slightly]

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 10/12/2022 09:35

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 09/12/2022 19:24

See also deck.
What's wrong with a feckin power point presentation?

PowerPoint software is to blame for that one. It's the name it gives the various slideshows when you open a blank document and browse through the templates.

When I hear it referred to in meetings, though, I keep expecting someone to whip out a pack of tarot cards.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 10/12/2022 09:39

AgentProvocateur · 09/12/2022 19:39

Someone actually said ‘open the kimono’ on a call I was on last week. I had to turn my camera off so they wouldn’t see my eyes rolling into the back of my head.

I'd have turned mine off out of fears they were a pervert.

JangolinaPitt · 10/12/2022 09:49

Salvia89 · 09/12/2022 19:32

My manager has a “daily drumbeat” with other managers over an important piece of work we’re all currently working on. Kill me

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

TheYummyPatler · 10/12/2022 09:49

Goldenbear · 10/12/2022 09:17

Due diligence is not made up and I don’t agree that it is misused, IME many people who should know what it means (due to their senior positions) don't! Just because your job doesn't entail carrying out due diligence it doesn't mean it is made up. I got told on another thread that my job as a Data Protection Consultant is a made up job. The poster telling me this clearly didn't have a clue what they were talking about.

Part of the reason they don’t know what it means is because so many people insist on using it as a piece of bullshit jargon where it makes no sense.

So when they do come across someone using the term properly, they muddle everything up and make it so much harder.

If people left terms alone rather than deciding ‘ooh, that sounds important’ and appropriating it for nonsensical uses, then it would all be fine.

people across organisations should be talking about actual due diligence. The problem is that some of them are talking shite instead under that banner.

That’s the problem with so many terms.

However, it is undeniable that the language used within agile often verges on the absurd. It is a legitimate project management practice but that doesn’t make the way in which things are framed within it any less ridiculous.

It’s also widely appropriated and misused across organisations. I worked in a public sector team that claimed to work in agile ways. What that meant was they’d simply renamed standard team meetings ‘scrums’ and used ‘sprint’ to describe the steps in their spreadsheets setting out the project timelines over the next year or two. It’s not agile when you start off specifying exactly what will happen in ‘sprint 15’ before the project has even begun. Even if you call your spreadsheet a ‘roadmap’.

Legitimate terms are quite easily turned into organisational bullshit by the ways in which they are used. Defending the legitimacy of the terms when used appropriately doesn’t change the fact that Dave in marketing is talking absolute shite using those terms.

DiamondShape · 10/12/2022 09:54

FlimFlam2 · 10/12/2022 09:29

I first heard this around a year ago - first I was baffled, then I was tickled. I myself promulgated this bit of wank.

I also came up with my own corporate garbage word substitution (but it's very industry specific) and was amazed by how quickly it caught on. I used it in a couple of meetings and all of a sudden everyone was saying it. 😎

Delta is a real word too. It means change, like a river delta is always changing. I used it when studying economics 40 years ago and used correctly in your example.

Just because you don't know ow a word or haven't used it in your work, doesn't mean it's nonsense or that it's made up and even if it is, all words were made up at some point.

Luckydip1 · 10/12/2022 09:55

My manager likes to smell the money being made in our office thanks to all our DD.

TeresaCrowd · 10/12/2022 10:07

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 10/12/2022 09:35

PowerPoint software is to blame for that one. It's the name it gives the various slideshows when you open a blank document and browse through the templates.

When I hear it referred to in meetings, though, I keep expecting someone to whip out a pack of tarot cards.

It’s wanky to call it a slide deck and I inwardly judge those people, it’s kind of a gateway drug to more ridiculous corporate bullshit. And for what I do at work it matters if it’s PowerPoint, Keynote or any of the other fucking tediously overcomplicated alternatives (anyone remember Prezi, thank fuck that sort of went away). Just say I’ve got a PowerPoint presentation which is the most efficient way of describing what you have. Slide deck requires further clarification so it’s wasting time.

WobblyLondoner · 10/12/2022 10:07

TheYummyPatler · 09/12/2022 19:04

I’ll see your piece and add space.

what’s happening in the accounts space then?

I see your piece and give you pace.

Everything in my organisation happens'at pace'. Quickly, in a rush - you get the picture.

FlimFlam2 · 10/12/2022 10:09

DiamondShape · 10/12/2022 09:54

Delta is a real word too. It means change, like a river delta is always changing. I used it when studying economics 40 years ago and used correctly in your example.

Just because you don't know ow a word or haven't used it in your work, doesn't mean it's nonsense or that it's made up and even if it is, all words were made up at some point.

Obviously I know that it's a real word...

Do you go through life assuming everyone but you is a total moron? Let me return the favour.

The point of the thread is that people use more obscure words or phrases where common ones would do, and that it's funny/annoying.

E.g. "We're talking about two different things here" Vs "I'm sensing a delta in the direction of travel of our discussion."

And it doesn't mean "change, because a river is always changing" 🤣 It means difference/gap/variable, like the Greek letter delta. Or like the gap between streams of a river, if you insist on a geographical bent.

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