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Original poster

to be utterly sick of this maddeningly nonsensical bit of corporate wankspeak?

573 replies

MossyOilTank · 09/12/2022 19:00

What is with the phrase "the piece" ... for example, "it's the piece around engagement with stakeholders" ... "the piece on communicating key messages" ... "the piece about maximizing outputs". IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

OP posts:
Apollonia1 · 09/12/2022 23:25

Haha, I think I've worked with US companies too long, since all this sounds normal.
I reach out, touch base, lean in, deep dive, going forward, have town-halls, All hands and fireside chats without even noticing I use the terms.

A new one people have started using is "double click". As in "let's double click on that issue", meaning let's investigate further.

To me "going forward" is very different to "in the future". "Going forward" means from this point onwards. "In the future", means at some point in the future. So what happens between now and the point in the future. To me "going forward" is much clearer.

humdingle · 09/12/2022 23:26

Scooopsahoy · 09/12/2022 22:37

I work with a variety of groups of external stakeholders. Some are called steering groups, some are advisory groups and some are working groups.

After a decade plus in my industry, I’ve still got no fucking clue what the difference is between these.

Yes, these are all different things. Differences are mainly decision making powers and who actually does the work.

lionsandwhales · 09/12/2022 23:30

its just like being at school. Phrases get copied and spread like wildfire. i find it very amusing and it doesn’t wind me up. See example pic attached 😍

to be utterly sick of this maddeningly nonsensical bit of corporate wankspeak?
mellicauli · 09/12/2022 23:30

Apollonia1 · 09/12/2022 23:25

Haha, I think I've worked with US companies too long, since all this sounds normal.
I reach out, touch base, lean in, deep dive, going forward, have town-halls, All hands and fireside chats without even noticing I use the terms.

A new one people have started using is "double click". As in "let's double click on that issue", meaning let's investigate further.

To me "going forward" is very different to "in the future". "Going forward" means from this point onwards. "In the future", means at some point in the future. So what happens between now and the point in the future. To me "going forward" is much clearer.

Double click is new to me. I'll be using that next week for my own entertainment. I have noticed an uptick (yeah, I know!) in the use of the word egregious. Such an elegant way to phrase a cock up.

Usernamenotavailabletryanother · 09/12/2022 23:30

Managers need to come down from the balcony and get on the dance floor once in a while.

I rolled my eyes so hard I nearly fell off my chair <agile>

lionsandwhales · 09/12/2022 23:32

@lionsandwhales
and this one

to be utterly sick of this maddeningly nonsensical bit of corporate wankspeak?
lionsandwhales · 09/12/2022 23:36

Ahhh! That is truly patronising hierarchal, horrible out-of-touch awfulness. Maybe the dancers should be allowed on the balcony to show the fustys how to direct.

failedmydog · 09/12/2022 23:37

yoshiblue · 09/12/2022 19:17

My DH is always taking the piss out of me talking about the customer journey/user journey/journey planning!

Also things like product vision and roadmap!!!

All BS!

Not if you're a digital designer they aren't!!

Blinky21 · 09/12/2022 23:39

Assets is normal when talking about digital products and piece is normal is comms or journalism

BeckyWithTheGoodHair010101 · 09/12/2022 23:42

@Justanotherlurker Wink

lionsandwhales · 09/12/2022 23:43

Double click. I love this and will enjoy myself no end next week with a daily challenge of dropping this in to meetings next week. Problem is I don’t have a poker face and will be tittering as I say it. Small things. Should grow-up but don’t know how.

TongueTwistr · 09/12/2022 23:44

For those not communicating in Italian, segway is now literally an acceptable alternative spelling of segue.

ErrolTheDragon · 09/12/2022 23:52

Who the heck uses 'segue' anyway?

audeloquipalam · 09/12/2022 23:52

DiamondShape · 09/12/2022 23:10

One of my managers has recently started using "scuba" for a review that's not so deep. Is that original or is it actually a thing?

Scuba is new on me but I’m having that thank you very much. Though “4 year olds first go with a snorkel” is about as deep as most deep dives go. If it doesn’t all fit on a post-it note it will too much for most directors to digest.

mynamesnotMa · 10/12/2022 00:17

Reach out
Pivot
The metaverse
Reminds me of elephants dancing

StrawberryPot · 10/12/2022 00:41

Lived experience - as a pp said, what other sort is there?

Optics

Burning platform

Revert - as in, 'I'll find out and then revert' (ie get back to you)

monsteramunch · 10/12/2022 00:53

I saw a new business manager have a signature with 'Head of Making Friends' and it made me full body cringe.

monsteramunch · 10/12/2022 00:54

Also 'blue sky thinking' 😬

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 10/12/2022 01:05

My old boss used to remind us all to keep key targets at the forefront of our minds. All the time.

Just say front.

Why does it need the fore part.

It just makes you sound like a tosser.

sleepwhenyouaredead · 10/12/2022 07:43

In hospital management 'the rhythm of the day'
I have no idea what it means but imagine everyone in scrubs doing the samba on the way to theatre
We have plenty of deep dives, granularity and 'working smarter' none of which gets us any closer to the 100 extra beds we really need.

TheYummyPatler · 10/12/2022 08:18

The thing about due diligence that turns it from useful term to nonsense is the context really. It’s totally fine when legal or finance use it to refer to actual work.

It’s when it’s seeped down to places and contexts where it loses any sensible meaning. It really is not legitimate due diligence when said (not jokingly) in place of ‘did you look in the cupboard?’. At that point it has descended into bullshit.

I work in a field replete with journeys and maps. With added agile project management. Yes, they’re actual technical terms. But I can still recognise the ridiculousness of the jargon. It does get quite silly after a while. This is not that far from the reality of some meetings: vm.tiktok.com/ZMFgrhHuc/

ScotlandEuropa · 10/12/2022 08:22

”Cascade”

Like when you attend a training event and then “cascade the learning” to the rest of your team.

They are actually in our diaries as “Cascade: [training details]”

Ratonastick · 10/12/2022 08:31

I am currently working on an actual legal and financial due diligence project. On a call the other day (the weekly “home team” call, natch!), one of the lawyers referred to it as the “dilly”. I’ve never clenched so hard.

And a rather brilliant female colleague once rather acidly pointed out that Lean In really seems to mean Bend Over. Even better, we were in an Exec meeting and the person telling us all to lean in was the CEO. I could have kissed her.

ScotlandEuropa · 10/12/2022 08:36

one of the lawyers referred to it as the “dilly”. I’ve never clenched so hard

As a former corporate lawyer, this made me lol 😂

Luckydip1 · 10/12/2022 08:41

My manager often says 'that's just background noise' when shooting down a colleague.