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Original poster

to be utterly sick of this maddeningly nonsensical bit of corporate wankspeak?

573 replies

MossyOilTank · 09/12/2022 19:00

What is with the phrase "the piece" ... for example, "it's the piece around engagement with stakeholders" ... "the piece on communicating key messages" ... "the piece about maximizing outputs". IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

OP posts:
DiamondShape · 10/12/2022 10:13

FlimFlam2 · 10/12/2022 10:09

Obviously I know that it's a real word...

Do you go through life assuming everyone but you is a total moron? Let me return the favour.

The point of the thread is that people use more obscure words or phrases where common ones would do, and that it's funny/annoying.

E.g. "We're talking about two different things here" Vs "I'm sensing a delta in the direction of travel of our discussion."

And it doesn't mean "change, because a river is always changing" 🤣 It means difference/gap/variable, like the Greek letter delta. Or like the gap between streams of a river, if you insist on a geographical bent.

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No, the word is used for the changing part of a river because that's what it means. Ot does mean change, or at least the OED thinks it does.

What's wrong with using more interesting language?

Willmafrockfit · 10/12/2022 10:14

@DiamondShape
it is not interesting

Magentax · 10/12/2022 10:16

DiamondShape · 10/12/2022 10:13

No, the word is used for the changing part of a river because that's what it means. Ot does mean change, or at least the OED thinks it does.

What's wrong with using more interesting language?

Show quote history

Delta means gap not change doesn’t it?

IsItaCowIsItaPlane · 10/12/2022 10:21

My current "favourite" is "in train" as in "the work on this is in train". Wtf does that actually mean?

mrcow · 10/12/2022 10:24

I’m a teacher and have been told that as well as giving feedback to students, we also have to “feed forward”.

And asking questions? No it’s “cold calling”.

Next time we have a staff meeting, I’m going to make my own copy of bullshit bingo.

ofmybloodyself · 10/12/2022 10:33

colourmebladd · 09/12/2022 19:41

I’ve not heard the piece (yet!) but one of the managers says ‘carbon me in’ about emails, instead of copy me in. It sounds so pretentious.

Lols, best one yet. That is ridiculous!!😂

LittleBearPad · 10/12/2022 10:33

Willmafrockfit · 10/12/2022 10:14

@DiamondShape
it is not interesting

Because it’s not more interesting. It’s often used inaccurately and makes the person using it look like an idiot

ofmybloodyself · 10/12/2022 10:34

7Worfs · 09/12/2022 19:47

Open the kimono

😆 wtaf, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard

What does it actually mean? All I can think of is a woman exposing herself.

SnowlayRoundabout · 10/12/2022 10:45

What's wrong with using more interesting language?

Using "delta" when you mean change isn't interesting, it's just wankspeak.

ErrolTheDragon · 10/12/2022 11:02

Using "delta" when you mean change isn't interesting, it's just wankspeak.

Unless it's part of a proper mathematical or scientific term (e.g. delta H) where it's standard terminology and you'd write it with the Greek letter, just don't do it.

NotSonicTheHedgehog · 10/12/2022 11:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

ErrolTheDragon · 10/12/2022 11:06

IsItaCowIsItaPlane · 10/12/2022 10:21

My current "favourite" is "in train" as in "the work on this is in train". Wtf does that actually mean?

Not gone off the rails yet?

NotSonicTheHedgehog · 10/12/2022 11:07

Oh and the term
“Baked in”

ErrolTheDragon · 10/12/2022 11:16

'Delta' means different things in different contexts. The common maths and science ones are about change/difference (e.g. 'delta H' is the change in enthalpy, delta S is the change in entropy... there's another word to not use unless you know what it means.)
The river delta, afaik, is so named simply because it looks like a capital Delta.

Namechangedjustforthisthread · 10/12/2022 11:17

Gus from the TV series 'Drop the Dead Donkey' was the master of corporate BS.
"Problems are merely the pregnant mothers of solutions" is one I use occasionally just to see how people react. 🤣

TongueTwistr · 10/12/2022 11:22

FlimFlam2 · 10/12/2022 09:29

I first heard this around a year ago - first I was baffled, then I was tickled. I myself promulgated this bit of wank.

I also came up with my own corporate garbage word substitution (but it's very industry specific) and was amazed by how quickly it caught on. I used it in a couple of meetings and all of a sudden everyone was saying it. 😎

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This was used with malicious intent by one of a clique of men who bullied a woman I knew relentlessly. On her third day on the job, she was set up to fail by a last minute instruction to "resolve the delta kpa" as she was sent in to a client meeting alone.
The client responded to her 'rabbit in the headlights' look by instead choosing to have a chat - quite possibly because he knew that the guys in the team were knobs. My friend dealt with the 'change (in thousands) of transactions per annum', built an outstanding relationship with the client and eventually made director.
Phil, however remains a twat!

Fairislefandango · 10/12/2022 11:39

No, the word is used for the changing part of a river because that's what it means. Ot does mean change, or at least the OED thinks it does.

If it means change, why on earth not just say 'change'?!

What's wrong with using more interesting language?

There's nothing interesting about corporate wankspeak. It makes people sound like David Brent. Making up new, 'fancier' words for things which already have perfectly sensible names in order to make your office job sound cool is idiotic.

Wheelyweddingwipedout · 10/12/2022 11:44

IsItaCowIsItaPlane · 10/12/2022 10:21

My current "favourite" is "in train" as in "the work on this is in train". Wtf does that actually mean?

@IsItaCowIsItaPlane - are they using SAFe(scaled agile framework) by any chance? One of the terms is ‘Release Train’

Abhannmor · 10/12/2022 11:50

momlette · 09/12/2022 22:00

I think the plate and stepping up is a base ball expression. We have lots of those like out of left field, catch 22, curve ball, touch base, play hard ball, on the ball. Many of these are used today in the work place. Maybe that’s where the hideous “ close of play” comes from

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That's right. Although I only discovered the 'plate' one a few years ago.

Rookie is another one that grinds my gears.

venetianblind · 10/12/2022 12:02

ˋThe art of the possible‘

daisychain01 · 10/12/2022 12:50

TakeMeToKernow · 09/12/2022 20:30

At the end of the financial year, I have to contribute to producing both a bridge AND a waterfall.

I've become quite attached to the risk waterfall in our programme Grin

Overheard in a meeting in the open plan area :

we need to do more work on this, how about I do some diary-dancing and come up with a date.

Words fail me.

Willmafrockfit · 10/12/2022 12:53

i hate Gentle Reminder

i have even had an Email from Asda with a Gentle Reminder!

daisychain01 · 10/12/2022 13:00

In defence of "boiling the ocean"....

I can't think of a better way of describing an overwhelmingly complex change programme that does feel like boiling the ocean it's that huge.

CookieWarbler · 10/12/2022 13:16

Tooling. Gaaahhhh!
As in 'we've taken a look at the tooling in this area'
Only used by utter tools IMHO

Crikeyalmighty · 10/12/2022 14:35

Due diligence on the other hand is a very necessary and sensible term. In our industry if we buy a load of copyrights from another owner , we have to check thoroughly that the person selling those copyrights for hard wonga actually has100% ownership and the right to sell- hence 'due diligence' which is a time consuming - but very necessary process and 'due diligence' is the industry accepted expression for all that fact and contract checking