to be utterly sick of this maddeningly nonsensical bit of corporate wankspeak?

[MossyOilTank]

What is with the phrase "the piece" ... for example, "it's the piece around engagement with stakeholders" ... "the piece on communicating key messages" ... "the piece about maximizing outputs". IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

The piece. Clearly taking about a sandwich.

Agile is a type of project management methodology. Not just software development. Any type of project management.
It's really not corporate wankery. I like to play corporate wankery bingo daily but agile, sprint, scrum, and daily standup are not them.
If I hear someone else say "it's within our gift" though I'll jump out of the window.

Due diligence is how a business discloses confidential commercial information in privacy. If you don't understand that it's an essential safeguard, then you probably need to do something in the public sector.

Oh, due diligence is (or was?) a big thing in the public sector, esp in procurement.

I first came across the phrase when working in local government around the mid-90s.

My husband was in engineering sales for a big German company. My favourite business speak phrases from that time are
Opportunity pipeline . As in let's create an opportunity pipeline.

Bandwidth 'I'm sorry I don't have the bandwidth for that' instead of saying I don't have time.
Blue sky thinking.
Thank you for reaching out

😂

Managers where I work always want to “share” their thoughts with us.

This week a newly appointed exec shared that she could not be more excited to join us on “our journey” as we embark on the “next chapter” of tremendous growth.

I don’t how they think this stuff up. There must be a manual somewhere.

Oh God my Manager was always referring to "not having the bandwidth". It got to the point where I had to ban him from using that phrase because it was making me internally rage.

He's since moved on to saying "we need to square the circle" constantly.

In my workplace the new acceptable way of saying you don’t know about something or don’t fully understand it is to say ‘I’m not as across that as I should be’.

The organisation I work for is setting up "task and finish" groups. I have no fucking idea what they are supposed to achieve.

I'm also somewhat disappointed that I have never been asked to bring my "authentic self" to work. The authentic me is stroppy, outspoken, intolerant of management idiocy and swears like a docker with Tourettes.

I'd love an excuse the unleash that on some of the corporate management twats.

Exactly!

😂😂

It's all appalling and makes people sound simultaneously cringeworthy, dimwitted and pretentious.

Please tell me you're joking. Both of these are actual, legitimate names of things.

Most wanky jargon words are names of actual things, though they are often unnecessary, shiny new names to make things sound fancier. It's the words that are twatty, not necessarily the actual concepts to which they're referring. That's the whole point. I expect quite a lot of things which constituted 'due diligence' and 'deep dives' were going on long before those phrases were coined.

Not RTFT but I see a lot of "modernisation" going on. Basically less staff at inflated service prices.

Dh told me about one - 'agnostic'. As in something being 'device agnostic'. As if the word agnostic means compatible with a range of things/ideas...which it doesn't .

Oh my goodness- I shared an office with a mgmt consultant doing some business process analysing on several corporate clients.. the amount of MBA type wankspeak rather than plain common sense speak was breathtaking.

That's the whole point. I expect quite a lot of things which constituted 'due diligence' and 'deep dives' were going on long before those phrases were coined.

Well...according to Wikipedia, 'due diligence' has has been used in the literal sense of "requisite effort" since at least the mid-fifteenth century , so while no doubt the Romans etc practiced it, it's hardly a twatty neologism in the English language. 'Deep dives', otoh, is best avoided unless your workplace is a submersible.

One of my managers has recently started using "scuba" for a review that's not so deep. Is that original or is it actually a thing?

Steering Group - Rather than being a massive megacorp environment-destroying and obesogenic behemoth, you need to be seen as The Company That Is All Warm And Fuzzy in order to reduce bad press and protests outside your outlets.

Advisory Group - This is what you do to become the Warm And Fuzzy Company - you do Nice Things For Children because you make billions from kids' parties and tired Mums How about funding stuff for parents to stay with their sick children when they're in hospital?

Working Party - Here's how the charity is set up, here's a list of the hospitals, this is what they need, these are the branding plates to put into each room, we've got a royal to open the Burger McBurger House at the most famous children's hospital in the world once it's built, here's the inserts staff will put onto every tray that talks about the charity and the design for the charity collection pots you need at every till to collect the 1p, 2p, 20p in change.

Thus leaving the operational stuff - the selling of burgers and milkshakes - to the company whilst the assorted groups handle the 'ideas'.

I hate to tell you, it shouldn't, but apparently does now.

www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/agnostic

Adjective, meaning 3b

Very few of these terms are new. We were playing bullshit bingo with them in the early 1990s, but agree due diligence wouldn't have scored, that's a legitimate thing.

Spoken like a true PM...

I don't know but I hope you remember to use 'snorkel' next time you've barely got beneath the surface.

I hate to tell you, it shouldn't, but apparently does now.

I know. It's extremely irritating. Do people not realise that this corporate wankspeak they use to make themselves sound important actually does the exact opposite? Like when people say 'myself' instead of 'me .

I detest the phrase...' its a win '.....if it goes wrong is it ' a loss ' or ' a lose '...??...i have no time for this wanky crap....luckily dont have to hear it very often !

Have we gone round the buoy on this?

Umm… yes it does.