to be utterly sick of this maddeningly nonsensical bit of corporate wankspeak?

[MossyOilTank]

What is with the phrase "the piece" ... for example, "it's the piece around engagement with stakeholders" ... "the piece on communicating key messages" ... "the piece about maximizing outputs". IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

I work for a global investment bank... there are lots! Here are a few that I don't think have been mentioned so far:

• I've been referred to as a 'such a thought leader' (offered guidance and insight, i.e. shared my view point/knowledge as is my job!)

• 'It's like rearranging deckchairs on the titanic' (utterly pointless - as was an old boss saying this very long-winded analogy repeatedly)

• 'is the juice worth the squeeze' (eurgh!)

• 'let's straw-man it' (give simple or basic draft of something)

• 'post' someone (to let them know)

• also have to second 'quick and dirty' (can you be quick and dirty in an Excel spreadsheet?)

I think there's so many that I probably use a lot of them myself and don't notice anymore!

I think Bullshit Bingo is a feature in any workplace. Hours of fun.

@Willmafrockfit 😂 I am always on mute 🤦🏻‍♀️

Exactly, the pp who was trying to one up an op was dismissing the already widely known term 'files', it's a wanky term in the post she was trying to 'correct'.

I’m certain the poster is being intentionally humorous… funny either way though tbh 😂

This is a little old but ~10 years ago ‘touch base’ was very popular (maybe still hanging about, I’ve not been in an office for a while). A colleague used to let us know when he was calling a client so we could listen to him saying ‘I’m just calling to touch your base’, and we’d all be sniggering in the background. Times have moved on, prob sacked for that now! The Town Hall… blurgh. Although if the senior person presenting got into character and dressed up as a town crier, I’d find a window to see that 👏🏻

Quick and dirty goes back to pre-history. I heard it in 1990 ish first...

What winds me up is someone thinks of an acronym and then based on that some chuff words to fill it. Also ‘blue sky thinking’, ‘think outside the box’ and ‘canter through’. Nope.

I think the plate and stepping up is a base ball expression. We have lots of those like out of left field, catch 22, curve ball, touch base, play hard ball, on the ball. Many of these are used today in the work place. Maybe that’s where the hideous “ close of play” comes from

Cunts

People misuse "due diligence" a lot imo so it sounds like corporate want speak when used incorrectly.

I'm in the public sector and I hear "the bit about" and "we can ask that question" both meaning "I have no fucking idea"

Close of play is a cricket term (and therefore very british compared to step up to the plate etc).

That one is a legitimate term. Admittedly only used in my head or very carefully in certain company. I could use it much more than I do, but you know… mortgage to pay etc.

TakeMeToKernow OMG, I love that, but it is also wanky 😆😆😆

Let's put in a call to align. Endless alignment calls.....sigh

Stack your layers like a pro made me splutter my morning coffee one morning this week in a meeting geez

We have low hanging fruit at our place, but no tents. I kind of want to see what’s in the tent 🤨

And the winner is @ResearchMakesMeCry
😂

I'm evil. I occasionally amuse myself by introducing new phrases into meetings.

When there are 7-24 people all arguing talking at once so I can't hear anybody in particular and I'm beginning to get really pissed off;

I'm getting some comb filtering/masking here, could we attenuate a little or actuate to a hypercardioid approach, please?

We've got too many pedals in the chain. Mike, can you DI straight into the wart, please? We can add another track in a minute.

Could I ask that we reduce the buffer size/sample rate? We're creating latency issues.

Somebody rambling; Dave, could you clarify the signal flow, please?

And the nuclear one when the meeting is heading for its fourth hour; Steve, that's great. I do need to bounce the detail translate the minutes into something resembling English in time for tomorrow's meeting, though, so could we save that for the studio?

I'll have the buggers all sounding like pissed off engineers before i'm done with them.

@Winterscomingagain was coming on to say "optics" - basically let's make sure we don't look like idiots

We also like to be seen to be "forward-leaning"

At least the "legacy hand" seems to be fading.

Wtf is canter through? Are we on horse back now? You really could just pick a sport or theme and just make work wank speak originals .

Hilarious 🤣

It's a bit like back of the fag packet calculation.

Not sure you can say that anymore.

I was just learning to cope with ‘hero’ as a noun, as in ‘the hero image on this webpage’. Now my colleagues are convinced it’s also a verb as in ‘let’s hero this image’.

I work with a variety of groups of external stakeholders. Some are called steering groups, some are advisory groups and some are working groups.

After a decade plus in my industry, I’ve still got no fucking clue what the difference is between these.