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Original poster

to be utterly sick of this maddeningly nonsensical bit of corporate wankspeak?

573 replies

MossyOilTank · 09/12/2022 19:00

What is with the phrase "the piece" ... for example, "it's the piece around engagement with stakeholders" ... "the piece on communicating key messages" ... "the piece about maximizing outputs". IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

OP posts:
wickedstepmothfker · 09/12/2022 21:18

Can’t fucking stand the phrase ‘reach out to so and so’. Like someone watched too many American tv programmes

Eastie77Returns · 09/12/2022 21:18

LittleMy77 · 09/12/2022 20:15

Oh god @Eastie77Returns my employer is doing the same! ‘Bring your authentic self to work!’

Conveniently ignoring the fact we’re 35k employees strong globally, and by that fact alone, our authentic self is bound to piss off or offend some people without even trying. Filters are good, and should be used, imo

Going to add to the corporate b/s wagon with ‘all hands’ meeting. Wtf is that about. So tired of repurposed military / US sport terminology repackaged into corporate drivel.

Well yes, if I truly brought my authentic self to work and actually voiced what I think I’d probably be out of a job😂

We have an All Hands every quarter and also a ‘Town Hall’ hosted by senior managers.

GarlicCrackers · 09/12/2022 21:19

I said “drill down” the other day and gasped In shock. My colleague laughed his head off as he knows how offended I am by corp speak

JudgeJ · 09/12/2022 21:20

Glittertwins · 09/12/2022 20:09

Bring back Gus and Drop the Dead Donkey 😉

Such a wonderful programme, Damian's reports from war zones, allegedly, were so funny, it made so many people famous, Neil Pearson, Hayden Gwynne, Stephen Tompkinson.

XingMing · 09/12/2022 21:20

FFS @Willmafrockfit . No need to go off on one. My explanation was clear, not clever and due diligence has a real and crystal clear legal meaning. When the business you buy turns out to have a different history to what you were sold, please wonder how you sue the person who sold you a pig instead of an alpaca.

Willmafrockfit · 09/12/2022 21:20

My colleague talks about resilience, but totally in the wrong context

humdingle · 09/12/2022 21:21

JustLyra · 09/12/2022 20:51

Legitimate terms in one industry still end up being utter wankspeak used in a different industry and setting.

Amazing that some people think being unable to see that makes the others the idiots…

Show quote history

Actually I don’t think it makes people look like idiots, but when people are scoffing at the usage of terms even in the right context, or terms that are not industry specific, and they still refuse to entertain the idea that they might have been wrong once it’s pointed out… well yes that’s a bit silly.

Genuine corporate wankspeak winds me up. I use some of it, because it becomes an accepted shorthand that everyone understands. I can also see the ridiculousness of some of it. I used to play corporate bullshit bingo with colleagues about 15-20 years ago.

I heard the kimono one the other week, that was weird.

girlswillbegirls · 09/12/2022 21:22

SpicyFoodRocks · 09/12/2022 19:27

When our child was in hospital, my husband kept saying stuff like, ‘ the medication piece’, ‘the discharge piece’. I considered divorce.

😂😂

NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/12/2022 21:23

XingMing · 09/12/2022 21:04

Due diligence has a legal meaning and framework. It means you investigate and interrogate the statements made during any legally-binding transaction. So if I tell you that I earned £!m from selling sea shells last year, you can ask me for evidence of the shells I sold, where they came from, how they were harvested, who I sold them to, and any other information. Due diligence is how a business discloses confidential commercial information in privacy. If you don't understand that it's an essential safeguard, then you probably need to do something in the public sector.

Thank you for speaking to this, Xing. Please be assured that we will, going forward, cascade this extemporisation to the space once there is sufficient bandwidth to leverage the inputs and acquire impacts. However, let's circle back and knock out the low hanging fruit to gain traction rather than attempt to boil the ocean.

Or, yes, we know. Unfortunately the people using the phrase most do not appear to have any concept of that; they use it in the sense of 'I'll give it a perfunctory glance last thing Friday because I can't be arsed to make excuses for why it's been sitting in my inbox for the past fortnight'.

PeacefulInTheDeep · 09/12/2022 21:25

I asked a colleague today for something he'd promised a customer but not yet done and he said "yes, don't worry, that's in my stack" 🙄

Trinidading3 · 09/12/2022 21:25

I had a work colleague who said "potentially" every sentence all day long!!! Wtf.....I felt like buying her a big fat Oxford Dictionary to browse through....FFS....so glad I do not have to hear it anymore.....😂

Justanotherlurker · 09/12/2022 21:26

m00rfarm · 09/12/2022 21:12

Actually, an asset can be an image, a document, a scan, a spreadsheet.

Show quote history

Well if you want to 'one up' someone, it can also mean software, hardware, infrastructure, licenses even down to keyboards, monitors, server rooms, cooling systems, network cables etc etc.

Susurrar · 09/12/2022 21:27

Solutionize - what the fuck is that? “Let’s solutionise”. No, thank you.

Showstopper. Fuck off, unless we’re discussing GBBO.

Over the line. As in “get the project over the line”. Purely because it seems to be everywhere, I hear it 100 times a day.

So many more. I work with people who use these beautiful embellishments all.the.bloody time and I feel that often once the shiny words are gone, not much is left…

Justanotherlurker · 09/12/2022 21:31

Willmafrockfit · 09/12/2022 21:03

in other news Netherlands have just Levelled up, against argentina

It's 2 all now, I think it's going to another penalty deciding game.

Wheelyweddingwipedout · 09/12/2022 21:31

Glittertwins · 09/12/2022 20:09

Bring back Gus and Drop the Dead Donkey 😉

yes! Brilliant show - the Christmas episode is in my December playlist

JustLyra · 09/12/2022 21:32

Justanotherlurker · 09/12/2022 21:26

Well if you want to 'one up' someone, it can also mean software, hardware, infrastructure, licenses even down to keyboards, monitors, server rooms, cooling systems, network cables etc etc.

Show quote history

In the care home DH’s Granny is in “resident assets” are clothes, shoes, toothbrushes and everything the rest of us would call “belongings”.

Winterscomingagain · 09/12/2022 21:32

"It's all about the optics" was a key one for us for a while. The "customer journey" is a popular one now.

XingMing · 09/12/2022 21:32

And that is something I shall watch for in my information feeds @NeverDropYourMooncup . Please alert me if there is annything new said.... yawn.

Abhannmor · 09/12/2022 21:33

Across the piece. Always sounds like a bit of Carry On dialogue.

Around. There's something terrible evasive about Around.

Step up to the plate. I suppose you could amuse yourself by asking what the plate is ? Although then the meeting might drag on more.

JudgeJ · 09/12/2022 21:33

wickedstepmothfker · 09/12/2022 21:18

Can’t fucking stand the phrase ‘reach out to so and so’. Like someone watched too many American tv programmes

As usual, I've started to sing Reach Out and Touch in my head!

Powaqa · 09/12/2022 21:36

Anyone else have "Centre of desk" as in Powaqa that piece of work should be centre of desk rather than can you make that a priority?
Also "bring your true self to work" and "Bandwidth" I hate bandwidth, I hate myself more for using the phrase last week when someone asked me to do some time sensitive work and i told him I hadnt got the bandwidth. I sent myself to the corner

StinkyWizzleteets · 09/12/2022 21:37

I was once in a meeting where someone referred to the big reveal moment of our ‘showpiece’ as “the feature wall”

the phrase pissed me off in decorating but in this context it didn’t relate to walls or decorating it was just the showpiece and really got my back up. Especially when people in the office started using it for all reveals.

RoseAndGeranium · 09/12/2022 21:38

Bandwidth! As in, ‘do you have the bandwidth to take on this piece of work’. Yuck.

Wheelyweddingwipedout · 09/12/2022 21:38

Eastie77Returns · 09/12/2022 20:10

The company I work for celebrates diversity and invites employees to “bring your whole self to work”. I’m still trying to work out how I’d bring in 3/4 of myself in and leave the other 1/4 on the bus.

Hate all the nonsense phrases from my US colleagues that now pervade our office:

“Hey Eastie, I wanted to circle back on what we were discussing the other day”;
“Let’s take this offline”;
“Bring your A game”
“Disruptive” (I work for a tech company and any new start up worth its salt must be disruptive)
”SO excited to…” Americans seem to feel excited about every call, meeting and any other mundane shit we deal with.

@Eastie77Returns 😀

are they inclusive as well as diverse? If so, you can ‘share’ that ‘taking things offline’ isn’t an inclusive phrase because it excludes everyone who is in the online

BCBird · 09/12/2022 21:39

Dick splash🤣I reservevthis curse for a special.few🤣🤣