Told I was 'phobic' for not using pronouns!

[NewStartIn50s]

Asked for my preferred pronouns and I said ' I don't use them', pushed on what I use to refer to myself and I said I don't use on emails or when I introduce myself or at all. Apparently, if I use them I am showing inclusivity to others and being accepting. I'm not quite a dinosaur yet but why are these things forced on us. I don't have a beard (yet) and I think you can tell what I am/but does it really matter if you can't.

So AIBU

YANBU - don't have to use pronouns if you don't want to

YABU - you should state what your preferred pronouns are

Yep and also would like our words so they get woman and we don’t.

No chance.

I am literally just watching an old episode of QI and they are talking about how women who are consciously reminded that they are women do less well at tasks as they have been so conditioned to feel inferior, they will do less well. Eg if there is a maths test and they are told they are in the women's group vs a men's group, they will do less well than if it was group A vs group B.

Scientific evidence not to play this game.

Just use your eyes and if someone wants to be called by different pronouns they can let me know and I will endeavour to use them correctly for them.

I just don't get why there is such a war about it all. Why can't people accept that trans people are trans and that sex also matters

most people do.

it’s the idea that transwomen are women and we must absolutely accept that, and also alter our behaviour and speech so transwomen believe that we believe it. And not doing so is literal violence. That’s what is not accepted.

I can’t believe there’s some people on here saying they never use pronouns. You’ve never referred to someone as she/her/he/him/they? Irregardless of the trans debate, surely pronouns are helpful. If someone sends me an email and i don’t recognise their name as male or female - i.e. a unisex name, or a name I’ve never heard before, including their pronouns is helpful. In my job role, I will have email conversations with external contacts and then deliver that message to the rest of my team. So instead of saying Alex the whole way through that conversation, it would be helpful to say she/he. Saying someone’s name rather than pronouns throughout a conversation is unnatural. If you’re face to face and obviously look like a man or a woman, it’s probably not necessary. One of my close friends growing up had very long hair and was very short and slim - they were a boy, but often got misgendered.

I wondered how long it would take before white people were blamed. 🤔

omg 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Because going along with all this shit is damaging to women. Notably vulnerable ones. And, if you're privileged enough or not in ti sports so that it doesn't affect you, have some empathy for those it does.

I don’t believe in gender. I believe that gender ideology is a bit like a religion, in that it expects faith but provides very little in the way of concrete evidence to prove its claims.

Gender is the performance of stereotypes. I don’t think it has much of a place in the 21st century. I do believe in biology.

I would insist on them using the medium of interpretive dance, too.

Just to get the nuances . . .

I wondered how long it would take before white people were blamed. 🤔

Well I suppose we could blame the dire state of the UK education system for this remark. Think again. Do you really think I am blaming all white people? Do you know which countries are driving this idiocy? Which class? Which sex? Which professions?

I am a wokey pronoun-stater but I don't think anyone should be pressed to use them if not comfortable.

I totally accept that trans people are trans - as is their right and choice. But they are NOT the same as members of the sex class they covet and people who choose a non binary identity are still male NB or female NB.

People with a trans identity are no better or lesser than anyone else.

I’ve only read the first few pages so far, but I liked a PPs suggestion that you declare yourself pronounless.

You could actually design a symbol (a la Prince, when he went through that phase of not wanting to be called Prince) and show it to people/attach it to your emails and tell people that is your pronoun. If anyone asks you how to pronounce it, just tell them to educate themselves.

I’m not from the UK. I see lots of non white people pushing this agenda, is it a western problem, yes it is.

If you genuinely don't have preferred pronouns, they should accept that- and there are a lot of people who are trans who would agree that forcing someone to state their pronouns isn't actually inclusive. You could state your preferred pronouns are "any/all".

If you don't want to get involved, the best line to use is: "I don't think it's a good idea to force everyone to (e.g.) use their pronouns in their email signature. What if someone is questioning their gender identity, but not ready to be out at work? We might be asking them to give pronouns that they aren't really comfortable with, or force them to out-themselves."

Have you read animal farm?

*Animal Farm

There is a trans person in our organisation. Full medical transition (M-F). Her email signature doesn’t include pronouns and in the organisation, many, perhaps even the majority, do include pronouns. She’s fantastic at her job and it seems to me that her name (typical female name) makes it clear that she identifies as female. I honestly don’t believe that putting pronouns on email signatures helps trans people. Maybe some of them think that it does But definitely not all. My db has a friend who is trans (F-M) but it’s a secret. Typical female name, everyone treats this person as female and nobody knows that he identifies as male (no transition - living as female publicly and male privately). Again - pronouns aren’t helping that trans person and are absent from the email signature.

Brilliant!! 😂

I can’t believe there’s some people on here saying they never use pronouns. You’ve never referred to someone as she/her/he/him/they?
If course I use those pronouns to refer to other people. But if someone asks me what pronouns I use, they're not asking me what I use about others, they're asking about what I use for myself. And the only pronouns I use about myself are I and me, I never use she/her/he/him/they/them about myself (and I don't care which of them people use about me)

No I haven’t. I’ve seen it mentioned a lot here lately and my husband also references it a lot. So I will now!

Oooh, good one! I'm going to write this one down for future reference.

But like people with an air fryer really.

What about vegans? They are morally superior to everyone, surely ;)

I've never refereed to someone that I knew as they because it's grammatically incorrect and makes me shudder.

I use sex/reality based pronouns as appropriate in the language I speak.

How much do you have to think of yourself to demand pronouns meant for multiple people? How little confidence must you have to insist people refer to you like an inanimate object?

Sex matters.
As does grammar.