Did I over-react about this? Who is in the wrong?

[JustYourTypicalMum83]

So I’ve been in the talking stages with somebody for a couple of months now, it’s heading towards becoming an official thing when we are both ready (both have had bad relationships in the past but we really like each other etc).

I noticed a couple of things over the past couple of days that started to bug me and this morning I kind of went off on one and sent her a good morning message basically accusing her of playing games. It basically consisted of her not responding to the things I had tagged her in on social media and I also noticed that she was liking a lot of posts in a group we are in (new members introducing themselves sort of things but she’s never commented or sent them messages because she’s showed me).

It massively backfired and she ended up losing it with me saying that the reason she hadn’t replied to the posts I tagged her in is because I sent them on multiple social media outlets (like Instagram, TikTok, etc) and she hasn’t had time to check them all because her child has been off school most of the week (which I knew about anyway) and then she showed me a screenshot of all the unread notifications she had from other people because of how busy she has been.

She also said that she didn’t appreciate the way I went around it and if I had an issue then to address it the correct way rather than just accusing, but I still don’t think I’ve over reacted or anything like that.

Who is in the wrong here?

We are both women too just as a fact I forgot to put in the OP!

She was liking posts in a social media group? You sound a bit suffocating and controlling.

You. 100% you. You’re acting like, frankly, a controlling arse.

God, you sound like a nightmare!

Yes this. You sound at best, full on, at worst controlling

I call reverse

Yeah, I have this feeling too.

You are, massively BU. And "talking stages" what does that even mean? You've not met but might have a relationship. This is all kinds of dramatic for someone you're talking to. Take a step back and have a think about why you're so possessive over someone you're "talking to" . That sounds harsh and I honestly don't mean it to, I just think you're over invested and overreacting for some reason that only you know

Yeah but my point was she said she didn’t have time to respond to the things I had tagged her in yet had time to like other people’s posts - she then turned around and said it’s because I send her too many and she finds it overwhelming

You need to back off and give her space. Not everyone wants to spend hours on social media every day. Her child will always come first, and you knew they were not well You sound very high maintenance tbh.

You "went off on one" because she didn't like a social media post???

Wow ... I'm not surprised she "didn't appreciate " that. You sound controlling and overbearing. Yes, you did over-react and YABU.

I’m with @Cheesuswithallama

If it’s not a reverse then I’d be breaking it off with you@JustYourTypicalMum83 - you sound controlling and suffocating.

👏🏻Grow👏🏻The👏🏻Fuck👏🏻Up👏🏻

So this is a romantic relationship, but you've never seen each other face to face? It's all been online? That's how it read to me. What does "becoming official" mean in those circumstances?

We have met and have feelings for each other but aren’t in an official labelled relationship if that makes sense because she’s had a lot going on with her child and legal issues with her ex partner (child arrangements etc)

Also, yes you were being unreasonable.

Also very unreasonable if this is a reverse. There's no need and it annoys people. A lot.

100% this. You sound like a pathetic 15 year old

If you are insecure to the point that you need constant validation by a person liking all your posts then you are the problem.

and the fact that you state you ‘went off on her’ and threw accusations around as your go to conversation starter rather than having a non confrontational or aggressive talk like normal adults just screams you aren’t a person ready for a decent relationship.

I would be advising your potential partner to run for the hills if she hasn’t already

please consider if your previous relationships have made you this way or if you are in fact part of the problem. I’d advise getting help to learn how to navigate relationships and communicate better when issues arise.

this behaviour wouldn’t fly in the workplace and certainty shouldn’t in relationships.

Have you considered not monitoring what other people read or like on social media? It's very freeing.

If this isn't a reverse, you are BU.

You sound like a 15 year old.

It’s not a reverse I just wanted other people’s opinions because I’m aware that my judgement is clouded at times because of what my ex did to me (cheated)

Being cheated on is no excuse for being controlling.

The cheating happened regardless of you knowing or not knowing their actions.

Jealousy will get you nowhere. Sort yourself out before fucking up someone else.

Well if this isn't a reverse then you are very, very unreasonable and not yet ready for a relationship. I strongly suggest counselling.

This has to be a reverse.

You can’t possibly think you are reasonable.

She should (and probably will) run a mile with this suffocating and controlling behaviour