Did I over-react about this? Who is in the wrong?

[JustYourTypicalMum83]

So I’ve been in the talking stages with somebody for a couple of months now, it’s heading towards becoming an official thing when we are both ready (both have had bad relationships in the past but we really like each other etc).

I noticed a couple of things over the past couple of days that started to bug me and this morning I kind of went off on one and sent her a good morning message basically accusing her of playing games. It basically consisted of her not responding to the things I had tagged her in on social media and I also noticed that she was liking a lot of posts in a group we are in (new members introducing themselves sort of things but she’s never commented or sent them messages because she’s showed me).

It massively backfired and she ended up losing it with me saying that the reason she hadn’t replied to the posts I tagged her in is because I sent them on multiple social media outlets (like Instagram, TikTok, etc) and she hasn’t had time to check them all because her child has been off school most of the week (which I knew about anyway) and then she showed me a screenshot of all the unread notifications she had from other people because of how busy she has been.

She also said that she didn’t appreciate the way I went around it and if I had an issue then to address it the correct way rather than just accusing, but I still don’t think I’ve over reacted or anything like that.

Who is in the wrong here?

How old are you?

Maybe you're sending pish she has no interest in.

In my eyes it just made me feel and look like an idiot because she’s not replying to me on things that I’ve tagged her in but liking other people’s posts when she apparently doesn’t have the time to check mine (like if I’ve tagged her in a quote or challenge in the group etc) it just felt a bit muggy to me

If you are treating people like shit and controlling them, because of past hurt then you have no business trying to get into a relationship.

Your controlling behaviour is abusive. Someone cheating isn’t an excuse to abuse anyone. If you can’t be in a relationship without abusing someone, then don’t be in one.

I kind of hope you are a troll or just don’t want to admit a reverse.

It’s honestly not a reverse or a troll, I’ve been really messed up from my last relationship and this is the first person I’ve met properly and liked since that ended at the beginning of the year, but now seeing it from other people’s point of view I’m seeing it does look a bit immature from my side

You wouldn’t look like an idiot because nobody else cares what you tag and reply to eachother in. It’s wrong to tag someone in things and demand a reply. YABU, and the way you went about it made it worse.

Always stay calm. Never judge, jump to conclusions or accuse. Find ways to talk without anger or accusations.

I am not going to judge. This is a learning moment. If you want to build relationships, be patient and understanding.

I personally would apologise for jumping to conclusions, tell her I’d been dumb and ask to try again.

You need to remember that no one else is paying attention to what she does and doesn't like on social media, no one will have noticed she liked one thing and not another so you won't look like a mug. Sorry but you've behaved really badly.

how old are you?

She may be having a quick scroll while doing something else. You tag her in challenges and crap on loads of platforms and want a response to every single one?

Sometimes people just want to have a bit of a mindless scroll. Not spend time thinking of a reply to everything you tag her in.

I hope she blocks you.

I don't know what tagging is, or why it requires a response. The only time I expect a response is if I've asked a specific person a question.

The thing is, nobody wants someone looking over their shoulder all the time. Everyone needs space and privacy. Constantly checking what people are reading, liking, responding to is suffocating and controlling. Just as you shouldn't do it, you should also find it unacceptable if someone does it to you.

You are in the wrong.
Stop setting her tasks and things to respond to and then getting angry and suspicious when she doesn't do that.
If I were you I would step back from the socials for a bit, you can't deal with it yet.

Simple answer, don't tag her and grow up!

I'd run a mile from you. If this is what you're like when it is meant to be the way, get to know you stage then I dont want to see what you're like when you get

Do you really think people notice that one particular person hasn't liked someone else's posts? Surely it just comes up with Fetchez La Vache and 25 other people like this post. Really, nobody has so little time on their hands that they are going to compare and contrast the lists of "likers" of each and every post in the group!

And in any case, you're not a couple and I suspect now you never will be, so how on earth would it make you look an idiot if she hasn't liked your posts?

Posted too soon.

I dont want to see what you're like once your fully got your claws in and can declare them you're girlfriend.
Controlling, demanding, no patience, self involved. Nightmare.

In my eyes it just made me feel and look like an idiot because she’s not replying to me on things that I’ve tagged her in but liking other people’s posts when she apparently doesn’t have the time to check mine

1. Sometimes clicking a like on a post is something you can do without thinking about, whereas replying takes time and energy.

2. It sounds like you tag her a lot of different platforms and are expecting her to respond to all of them

3. You say you guys are still in the 'talking' stage - she may not feel comfortable doing something as couply as constantly and publically interacting with you on social media.

4)Your way of dealing with this, ie: "kind of went off on one ... basically accusing her of playing games" was a super red flag for her. You worked yourself up abut something very juvenile, then created an argument over text message.

In the nicest possible way, if I was friends with your potential girlfriend, I would be advising her to reevaluate if you are someone she should get any closer to.

On the off chance this isn't a reverse.

You. You are unreasonable. And quite frankly a child.

If you had a problem with her liking or commenting on other people's SM, and not yours - then what you do is talk to her like an adult.

You're not even together, you're just seeing each other. Who are you to go off on one about her use of SM?

basically accusing her of playing games. It basically consisted of her not responding to the things I had tagged her in on social media and I also noticed that she was liking a lot of posts in a group we are in

Total red flags. She's made a lucky escape.

YABVU to place such importance on people clicking 'like' on social media. It's childish and needy. Not everybody regards liking stuff on social media as a transactional process for accumulating or providing self-worth. Some just scroll through things when they have a few minutes and might sometimes click 'like' if it occurs to them. Chill out!

I don't see how having been cheated on in a relationship (which is very, very common) explains or justifies your attitude tbh. People seem to either have this dependent attitude to social media likes or they don't. It's generally not specific to romantic relationships.

Well you were behaving like an idiot so... 🤷‍♀️

Sounds like you're being very full on and expecting too much communication from her. You're not even in a relationship yet! Yet you seem to be trying to publicise a relationship. You're gonna push her away if you don't take it down a few notches

OP - Your behaviour is very controlling and no wonder it's putting her off.
Why does tagging someone in something warrant a response every single time? My DP tags me in things all the time, I look at them and move on, there's no need for someone to reply to every single comment you tag them in.
She's told you herself that the volume of things you're tagging her in is overwhelming and I'm not surprised if she feels you'll have a go at her if she doesn't response each and every time.
If you "went off on one" at someone you've been talking to for a couple of months because she didn't feel the need to reply every single time you tagged her in something, the issue is completely with your insecurity and how others view you and as others have suggested, it's bordering on abusive.
She is busy, she doesn't have time to scroll through every social media app all the time and when she does I doubt she wants to be thinking of replies to you every time you tag her in something.
Your troubles in past relationships are not for you to project onto someone else and for both of your sakes I hope she goes her own way and you're able to get professional help for your problems. Demanding so much of someone's time and going off on one when they don't meet your timeframes or expectations while managing their own busy life is red-flag behaviour. Especially when you've only been talking for a couple of months.

If she has any sense she'll run like the fucking wind.

Tagging on social media 😂 please OP take are a step back and realise what your upset about. If not getting a response to social media tags then get off social media it is doing your mental state no good

You are 100% in the wrong.

Another vote for you are behaving in a completely insane way. I'd strongly suggest you get off social media for a month or so and recalibrate. No one is noticing that this women has it hasn't liked you posts, let alone making the connection that she's messaged other people while not responding to you.