Aibu to send my nearly 10 yo to a foreign speaking school if I move to a different country

[pingpongpo]

They will be 10 in may 23 and I would prefer they went to a state school to immerse in the language and culture but feel bad and am now wondering if a private English speaking school would be better.

Some people I know are saying iabu to even think about doing this and others have been through it and are bilingual. Can't decide at all. I can get by in the language but I'm not fluent. Will probably become fluent and plan to.

Yes l have worked at supporting them in Primary and it is true they do get support and l can imagine that at Secondary they would struggle with difficult concepts but the fact is a lot of them do extremely well and by college entry a lot of them a hitting the very high scores. So while l might have been a bit flippant saying just do it l do think it is the way to go.

I think my best friends daughter was about 12 when they moved to France. She went straight into a French school and quickly overtook the parent that had learnt the language in England.

I think children are far better equiped and motivated to pick up the language in a school setting like that.

I went to a Spanish state school when I was 10 for about 6 months. Hated it and sat in every class thinking what I am I doing here when I can’t speak or understand anything. I am not good at learning languages in general though. I lived in Spain for nine years in total and never became fluent. My sister was younger and stuck it out and became totally bilingual. I think it depends on the child to be honest. I moved back to a private international school and was much happier. But I still think it is worth a try.

If it's French, just do it. It's structurally a European language and he will become fluent in no time. My parents moved me and my Dsis to the UK for a year when I was 10 - I had maybe 20 words of English at the time. I started school in September, was fluent by Christmas and top of my class in English by Easter. Same for my Dsis. We are now both living in the UK permanently and fully bilingual (I have fluent French and German in addition).

The benefits of being bilingual cannot be understated. My father was bilingual and when he developed Parkinsons and the associated dementia, he was able to hang on to language for much longer than would otherwise have been the case because he had a backup. The staff in his nursing home knew that if Dutch wasn't working for him, English was likely to be effective. He did lose language altogether in the end, but he had more time as a functioning human being because language learning is protective against dementia.

Definitely local school, especially when it is a permanent move. Also see if you can get extra tutoring for them before and after you move.

I moved to Australia when I was 13, I did learn English as a second language but didn’t speak it well, was a tough few years but now my English is better than my mother tongue

I spent the last year of primary school in a spanish school.
I had no spanish beforehand. I found it incredibly difficult socially. I'd love to say that I can away fluent in spanish and with a love of languages but the opposite was true..... I was bullied a lot and most of the time I had no idea what was going on- I felt like a outsider. I didn't become fluent at all. In fact although I still can understand spoken spanish I cant really speak it as it makes me feel very anxious and that extends to speaking other languages that I later learnt in high school.
We ended up coming back to uk after a year. Although I did well at school and did make friends at secondary school it has been hard for me to make close friends since.

I think it would have been different if I was 5 or 6 but it was horrible at 10.

Thanks @Stickortwister that's what I'm worried about. Do you think you'd have been ok ish if you had been told if you really didn't like it you can move to an English speaking school?

Can you get them some basic French lessons between now and when you go?

Wow @pointythings that's amazing that you did so well in English so quickly. My dd does learn French at school but so far it's been verbs and vocab no real structure to what they're saying outside of my name is. My birthday is or I like ice cream. No real speaking of the language more studying out of a text book so far.

@pingpongpo if your DS is already learning basic vocab and some phrases at school, he won't be going in cold. That stuff is there in his brain and he is still at a prime age to pick up a language very quickly.

I am particularly good at languages and I admit that, but even my dad, who came to that UK year as an adult with basic English, came out fully fluent albeit with an accent. Immersion is absolutely the most effective way to learn a language.

Yes you can get fluent quickly at that age - but my god what a shock. I speak 3 languages and I wouldn’t do it personally. I’d send them to international school and organise French lessons on the side. DC will pick up French quickly enough from watching TV and making French friends.

DTs started Y7 in September and there are two Ukranian girls in their class who barely spoke a word of English when they started and are now fluent.

If it was me I would send them to the French school.

This is the problem. It could go either way.

DHs Mum did this but the opposite way around, they came to England when he was 10 and were sent straight to local English schools despite hardly speaking any English.
DH thrived and was fluent within months but his sister suffered very badly and ended up with selective mutism and other issues that may have been prompted by this
So it can work ok but it depends on the child

That’s the problem with learning out of a textbook. Language is a living, dynamic thing, and the only way you can truly experience that, imo, is to live it.

I actually did enjoy my experience at school in a different country, and having to adapt quickly suited me. I did still feel discombobulated at first, but that passed. A lot of that is personality though, as well as luck when it comes to the school and classmates. The same experience wouldn’t be enjoyed by everyone.

I wouldn’t necessarily say ‘you can move schools if you don’t like it’ as that can result in someone choosing not to even try. That’s not to say remove it as an option, as you can always closely watch her progress and pull her out of it does go badly.

I think what I’d do would be to send them to finish primary and do first year secondary in the local school, then review the decision.
i.e. give primary a try, if they’re unhappy then secondary is a chance for a fresh start but if after a year of secondary it’s still not working, then switch to the british school.

Perhaps don’t tell your DC this at first though, or they may make up their mind before starting the local school that they won’t like it and will be able to go to the british school soon anyway. It could become a self fulfilling prophecy.

I'm a languages teacher and abroad.
Show me a child who started learning a language at 3 and a child who started learning a language at 14. At the age of 18 with a couple of hours language class a week, there'll be absolutely zero difference in their abilities, all things being equal.
Show me the one who's acquired the language (not learned it- two different things, using different cognitive functions) by being fully immersed in the school system and you've got yourself a near native speaker.
There are no negatives, even for a short time. Every year a handful of our students go and spend a year in a foreign country and join the state school system. Usually UK, Ireland, US, Canada. After one year they come back fluent and almost native level.
Why wouldn't you?

I'd absolutely send them to a French speaking local school.
In the meantime, prior to the move, I'd get them a tutor who can teach them French on the go (take you DC out and about and chat (as much as possible!) in French)).
Good luck with the move!

Absolutely do it, but give them a head start with as many language lessons as you can manage before you go, with a particular emphasis on the playground. If your child loves football, get them communicating in that first, and work from there.

I've seen kids that age start school here in the UK and be speaking English fluently by Spring. The playground is the most important hurdle though because they need friends before they need to follow what's going on in the classroom.

If it’s a permanent move then they need to be in the local system at least for secondary. However going straight into French school with very little French at that age is a massive ask and could backfire.

When is the move? Can you get them any intensive French teaching between now and then - even if it’s just via an app? Also how is your own French - can you try speaking to them in French until the move (and translating where necessary)?

If there isn’t time/capacity for this then I would consider putting them in an english speaking school for a term or three while they learn the language as much as possible. Then move them. There may be waiting lists for school places anyway.

In your situation I would go for the local French school. I know there is a fear that your dc will hate you, I’ve moved my dc around a lot and worried the same.

Also consider the quality of the education at the International/British school. I have toured several in France this year and with the exception of one, was not impressed. And we have French/Brit friends in France who said the cost wasn’t worth the level of education.

Definitely the way to go.

You have time between now and then to prepare for the move. Get a native French speaker ; a student teacher maybe or language exchange group to meet once or twice a week for general chat about sport, the weather, holidays, music…. Whatever kids like to chat about etc etc
Only you know your child and how they will cope. My 10 yr old me would have been absolutely horrified and terrified at the prospect of changing schools full stop let alone moving to one in another country. A confident outgoing kid would probably embrace it with excitement.
With the prep in place, state school is 100% the right thing to do
Good luck - exciting times 👏🏻

I think it would have been really helpful to have some exposure or lessons before starting school. I was bright and was essentially told I would just "pick it up" ( like a lot of posters on this thread), but it was a bit more complicated than that.

I'm old now so this was over 30 years ago.... at the time I was basically told to put up with it and get on with it. I'm sure you are a more enlightened parent

Also a lot of this was my personality! I was ( and still am) a perfectionist and an over-thinker. A more easy going confident extrovert may have had an easier.ride

I would send her to the British school for the last year of primary and then local French for middle school.
It's not just the language, the entire approach to school in France is very different, much more rigid.
You have no idea how she'll adjust to the move in general, if it's difficult then going into a challenging school environment as well will be hard.
Basically I wouldn't see any real downside to one year of British school whereas going straight to French there's a real risk it will be terrible for her.

(My opinion as an expat with bilingual husband and child)