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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to send my nearly 10 yo to a foreign speaking school if I move to a different country

128 replies

pingpongpo · 07/12/2022 21:44

They will be 10 in may 23 and I would prefer they went to a state school to immerse in the language and culture but feel bad and am now wondering if a private English speaking school would be better.

Some people I know are saying iabu to even think about doing this and others have been through it and are bilingual. Can't decide at all. I can get by in the language but I'm not fluent. Will probably become fluent and plan to.

OP posts:

pandora206 · 07/12/2022 21:47

My niece and nephew did this at age 10 and 12 and became fluent very quickly. It's a bit of a struggle at first but doesn't take very long.

Meredusoleil · 07/12/2022 21:53

I think it may depend what the language was for me and how easy/quickly I think it would be to learn. Are there no bilingual schools there, as that would be the best of both worlds imho?

Solasum · 07/12/2022 21:54

Is it a language that they may actually use in later life, or that will give them extra career opportunities?

PonyPatter44 · 07/12/2022 21:54

Are you planning to stay in that country permanently? If so, I would definitely put your child into local school. They will pick up the language quickly and make friends. If you are only staying for a year or so, then you might consider English-speaking school, but even then, the local school would be a good experience for her.

FourChimneys · 07/12/2022 21:55

I know an 11 year old who did this. No experience of the language to functionally fluent in 6 months.

I wouldn't hesitate to send your DC to the local school.

ClangingBell · 07/12/2022 21:58

It’s at the age where it’s starting to get a little more difficult than it would be for a 5 year old. They’ll get there, but they may end up very angry at you for a while. Some countries are better at supporting new immigrants than others though. So for me it would depend on the country and how long you were staying. If it’s a country where they’ll need the language for out of school actives I would go for the local school if possible though, even if the support is a bit shit and you’re only staying a few years. Capital cities are probably the only places they’ll be able to have a full social life with just English.

BungleandGeorge · 07/12/2022 22:12

Do they speak the language at all? Sounds very unkind to drop a 10 year old in a school if they can’t communicate with anyone and a bit disastrous for their education! Would be different for a younger child as they rely on spoken communication less

maddy68 · 07/12/2022 22:16

I have worked in schools where new students couldn't speak a word. They became fluent very quickly.

I would send them. Immersion is the best

KarenOLantern · 07/12/2022 22:17

They'll pick up the language so quickly and then have that skill for life. Definitely do it.

lanawinters · 07/12/2022 22:19

I did this move, DD was slightly younger - I chose the private English speaking school and really regret that. She still became fluent in the new country's language but the education was far inferior to the state schools despite extortionate fees! If I had my time over id choose the state route every time.

ACynicalDad · 07/12/2022 22:24

Do it, but try to get some basics taught now so they aren’t totally lost.

ChimneyPot · 07/12/2022 22:28

Can your child start learning the language now to make it easier?

user1477249785 · 07/12/2022 22:30

OP I think this totally depends. What is the language and how useful will it be to them? How good are the schools? And are you planning on coming back at some point so your DC will need to reintegrate into the British system? If the answer to those questions are straightforward, then immersion is a great idea.

Theluggage15 · 07/12/2022 22:30

My brother did this with his children, he pulled them out of the International School and put them in a local school, they became fluent really quickly. The oldest was 10 at the time.

MelchiorsMistress · 07/12/2022 22:33

No, use a British school. 10 is too old to do that to a child unless they are really willing and know what they’re letting themselves in for.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 07/12/2022 22:36

For me it would depend on my child’s individual personality and needs.

my son would absolutely hate going to school where he didn’t know the language. I know it would cause huge stress and anxiety and he would struggle being out his comfort zone. My daughter would love it.

Also would depend how long I planned to stay in the country. If only up to 2 ish years is just stick to an English school
but help them learn the language elsewhere.

JaninaDuszejko · 07/12/2022 22:37

I think it should be fine but do some prep with them (read 'When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit' which describes in detail Anna's experience of learning French by immersion and how it suddenly clicked, although I think she maybe had some lessons as well).

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 07/12/2022 22:38

I also know people who have done this and absolutely thrived. Coping well within 5 weeks, fluent within 5 months, at age 11. Totally (TOTALLY) different languages too.

I think this is a giant gift you’re giving to your DC. Go for it, with lots of positivity and no guilt.

Also, without telling them, do figure out the process for transferring them to the English speaking school after 5-6 months if things are proving disastrous. It really should be fine, but I always find myself less stressed when o have a solid plan B.

SamanthaVimes · 07/12/2022 22:42

My husband came to the UK when he was 9 not speaking at English. He’s totally fluent and doesn’t have an accent in English but it was really hard on him at the time.

It certainly left a mark as whilst he was learning he couldn’t be understood by anyone at school and I think he was frustrated/resentful about how difficult it was for him.

MzHz · 07/12/2022 22:43

Depends on the country, the education system and the language

give them the situation that benefits them most in future

MarcelEtCeleste · 07/12/2022 22:45

I was put in a private English school abroad and now I’m older, I just can’t understand why my parents didn’t take the opportunity to immerse me in the foreign language and culture.

Every time I mention that I lived abroad, I have to add “no, I can’t speak the language” and it stings every time!

Original poster

pingpongpo · 07/12/2022 22:47

The school is in France so I think it's worth it because I'm not sure how the culture will be learnt without attending a French school. Dc will still see their English friends in the holidays as it's not far, I have been thinking about telling them to simply spend their days learning the language in school and not worry too ouch about their grades until they've got into the swing of things to take the pressure off whilst simultaneously keeping them up to scratch with the basic maths/English etch

The move is permanent otherwise I'd just use the British school. I can send them to a British school if that's better or perhaps try the local school then move them over if they hate it.
I haven't visited any of the schools yet. Move would probably be in the spring term.

OP posts:

drivinghomeforchristmascraic · 07/12/2022 22:47

Have a read of hitler stole pink rabbit. uts by the lady who wrote Mog.
her and her brothers were refugees from Germany snd they went to a French (then english) school. ot describes very well her experienced dealing with this exact situation (she became fluent quickly but was upset for a while before she leantt)

Original poster

pingpongpo · 07/12/2022 22:50

@MarcelEtCeleste I'm worried that will be what my dc thinks in the end, why am I not fluent when I live in the country! I worry they'll 'automatically' return to Britain when they're old enough too. I think they'll be ok. I just want to do the right thing. Whatever that is!

OP posts:

annonymousse · 07/12/2022 22:51

My parents did this to me when I was 8. I went to the village school where no one spoke English. I was fluent in French speaking within 4 months. I remember being scared on the first day but soon settled in.

In my 50s now and living in the uk but still able to speak French. We were there for 3 years. If it's a permanent move for you why would you even hesitate?

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