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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CSA - they do fuck all

86 replies

dawnfromgavinandstacey · 07/12/2022 20:36

Long story short.

My exh is self employed. Pays the minimum they can get.

I've had a variation applied every year. Every year it comes back he should be paying more. Nothing ever gets done.

Ever. He owes £11k to my daughter.

He was supposed to pay £300 this month as I'd had a variation applied again. They sent £140.

I am so sick of this.

Every month I call them and say he hasn't paid the full amount. Every month they add it to the debt they never do fuck all about.

My aibu is nothing really just what the actual can I do.

I'm sick of this.

I just wanted a rant.

I've been to court, the amount has been applied by the court. He doesn't pay it ever. He didn't even turn up to any of the hearings.

I am sooo sick of it.

I want this fucker to pay because what he owes her would pay for her uni fees or a house deposit or anything really for her.

Why is our system so fucked up that nothing is ever fucking done.

I'm just on my last nerve and I'm sick of them doing fuck all.

If I contact my mp can anyone help me with a letter?

This is shit. I don't "Need" it but ffs she will one day.

I'm just so angry tonight about it all. I will need to spend another two hours on hold to the CMS again tomorrow and they will just mark it down on my case and do fuck all again.

Is there anyone who can help me.

Is there a csa person who can do an ama so I can understand why it's so shit for the resident parent.

OP posts:
Original poster
dawnfromgavinandstacey · 07/12/2022 21:30

@MrsPepperpot79

How do you make them get to that point though.?

OP posts:
ShowerOfShite · 07/12/2022 21:32

My DC are adults now, we've lived on the breadline as they grew up, CSA were less than useless.
It's infuriating OP, I feel for you.

Original poster
dawnfromgavinandstacey · 07/12/2022 21:33

I am two glasses of wine in now.

I'm a bit pissed. Not as angry.

More just how are we all in this position.

What needs to happen ideally to stop this.

OP posts:
Original poster
dawnfromgavinandstacey · 07/12/2022 21:36

There must be a person on here that can go 'right, 50% of the population are women, whatever of that are single parents, I can make this prominent and I will be a party"

OP posts:
Original poster
dawnfromgavinandstacey · 07/12/2022 21:36

And not single parents that are also affected

OP posts:
Original poster
dawnfromgavinandstacey · 07/12/2022 21:37

Like I said in a bit pissed. It seems that simple right now.

OP posts:
MrsPepperpot79 · 07/12/2022 21:38

dawnfromgavinandstacey - I just kept ringing and whinging. Had him on the payment scheme where they collect the money for you as he was unreliable. (Ha!)
Just kept ringing...

AbsolutelyFuckingSick · 07/12/2022 21:38

Oh it's infuriating Angry kids are disposable to these men. Like a pp, my exs debt was wiped but my god they were on me like a tramp on chips when I'd apparently been overpaid tax credits

Original poster
dawnfromgavinandstacey · 07/12/2022 21:54

AbsolutelyFuckingSick · 07/12/2022 21:38

Oh it's infuriating Angry kids are disposable to these men. Like a pp, my exs debt was wiped but my god they were on me like a tramp on chips when I'd apparently been overpaid tax credits

I agree. The minute they think they are owed anything they are there!!

Imagine if they were the the same for csa.

Imagine it. There has to be a tax reason they are not.

OP posts:
Original poster
dawnfromgavinandstacey · 07/12/2022 21:56

In my opinion there should be a link to the CMS. For self employed and standard employed.

If there is a debt then % willl be applied. Or we will not employee with debt to the CMS.

OP posts:
itswonkylampshade · 07/12/2022 22:09

liveforsummer · 07/12/2022 20:41

At least they've kept the arrears you'll never get on record. They sent me a letter saying mine were wiped and there was no option to appeal this decision! Absolute joke. I've now decided I'm better off living in poverty that dealing with the stress CMS (and of course my ex) have caused me. It's hard though thinking about how I could improve my DC's lives with those thousands of £

They did this to me and I went to my MP and Therese Coffey. It’s not their bloody debt to write off! I was furious. They ended up not writing it off.

magicofthefae · 07/12/2022 22:22

StrawberryWater · 07/12/2022 20:51

CSA sucks and will continue to suck until there ar e proper consequences for non payers.

In parts of the US they actually garner wages, size assets, revoke driving licenses and send people to jail for non payment.

If only this was implemented here. Like a student loan is docked from pay packets, why isn't child maintenance?

magicofthefae · 07/12/2022 22:32

My father avoided CMS like the plague.
Wish a political party could go after this issue, enforce these changes, make it like the USA, but just not broadcast it. As its just a political sour grape as no male voter would vote for it.

Mydogatemypurse · 07/12/2022 22:34

Its a mans world and in my experience it always goes thier way. Don't factor the money owed into any plans for yours or your daughters life. I did and i just had to deal with the grief of trying to fight.

HeyLala · 07/12/2022 22:45

I agree with everything written here.

Would a petition help?
100k signatures and it has to be discussed in Parliament. I'm sure we could get that organised

Circe7 · 07/12/2022 22:48

I think it probably needs structural reform. The CSA have a lot of powers but seem reluctant to use them and sometimes very passive / naïve when assessing what is owed e.g. believing that someone with a successful business who apparently has a good standard of living has zero income. HMRC doesn't behave like this when it goes after tax avoiders.

Maybe the government should have responsibility for paying child maintenance to the resident parent and it is then for the government to reclaim it from the other parent (if the government can't reclaim it the resident parent still keeps the money). An independent agency could make the assessment of what is owed. I bet the government would manage to recover most of the money if that was the case.

Mydogatemypurse · 07/12/2022 22:49

They should be treated the same way as benefit fraud. Criminal convictions.

Mydogatemypurse · 07/12/2022 22:51

Or tax evasion. They arent paying what they should and they are harming thier children in the process whilst profiteering from doing so. Boxing themselves off and their lifestyle before the neefs of their children is, in my opinion criminal.

Mydogatemypurse · 07/12/2022 22:53

MrsPepperpot79 · 07/12/2022 21:29

Oh yes. Had one lot of arrears wiped. He's run up a second lot, owes his kids nearly 9k. I've tried garnering wages- he went self employed and company TOLD csa he'd done it to avoid paying. He reported no income - but was renting and going on holidays. Reported to HMRC - fuck all happened. CSA keep discouraging trying a variation. Finally took him to court, CCJ and bailiffs. They went round and said he had nothing worth taking. And now, he's apparently untraceable, no bills etc and they asked me to find him!!! Told them where his fiancee is but apparently can't use that to locate him. And the kicker? He's infertile - made me go through IVF for the kids he was desperate for, who he then walked out on after a year, that he doesn't pay for or speak to.
Waiting for karma to bite him as CSA clearly not going to!

Absolute c@@t

corlan · 07/12/2022 22:54

There is absolutely no political will to enforce or change the system.

This is the bottom line. It's hard not to conclude it's institutional misogyny. Tens of thousands of men pay peanuts to support their children and women pick up the pieces. Nothing has improved in the 14 years I've been trying to get support for my daughter. Her father contributes £12 a week to support her. The CMS is not working for me or my child and it never has worked.

Original poster
dawnfromgavinandstacey · 07/12/2022 23:00

HeyLala · 07/12/2022 22:45

I agree with everything written here.

Would a petition help?
100k signatures and it has to be discussed in Parliament. I'm sure we could get that organised

I tried too do this a few years ago. I didn't have the benefit or knowledge off mumsnet. I got nowhere.

I'd try it again.

Would you be open to helping me word it?

OP posts:
FuckMyLife2022 · 07/12/2022 23:09

Because they don’t give a fuck about single mothers. You only have to look at the many posts on here saying “why didn’t you choose a better man” from smug fucking women to understand why the men in power also don’t care.

Mine owes around 15K. Every time it goes to court, he signs on the dole, court action is stopped because “he has no means to pay”. Well, he fucking did when he chose to run up the arrears.

For the last 6 months I’ve been getting regular payments however they range from £75 to £260 - not once has it been the same amount, there’s no explanation from CMS despite it being a DofE, and it does not include arrears because that department is separate and has to set up their own DofE.

Penguinsaregreat · 07/12/2022 23:12

I agree that the (mainly male) politicians don’t care. Just look at Boris Johnson. So many children to multiple different women. Matt Hancock, adulterer but the public seem to love him.
No, most men would not vote for this and lots of women go along with the patriarchy.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 07/12/2022 23:38

American here so it may be different, but I have known women having success by doing the following:

  1. Hiring a repo team and going to his home to seize assets - including automobile, tools, clothing, furniture, etc. He came home to an empty house - not even lightbulbs in the sockets!
  2. Had electric, gas, water, tv, etc. cancelled and the deposits refunded to her.
  3. Gone before judge and asked that husbands driver's license and work permit be pulled until he paid arrears.
  4. This was my favorite. Husband was a transport driver and hard to serve with papers. Wife took the 4 children to his main office and told the general manager that she was unable to support the children and was leaving them there for the father to take full custody of. Showed GM the documents from court about arrears. Angry GM radioed husband to come in, met him in main office, cut a check and gave it to the wife from his wages. Told wife if payment fell behind again to call him personally.