To be annoyed at both of them?!

[teenagestress]

I'll try to be as objective as possible but I'm still really annoyed about the stress this has caused me unnecessarily. I've NC for this.

Sorry it's long!

Basically, DD (16) had a football match after school today. I work a 10 hour day on a Wednesday, not leaving work until 6pm. DH (DD's step dad) doesn't work Wednesdays as he looks after our toddler on this day. DH agreed with DD this morning (I overheard the conversation as I was getting ready to leave for work) that he would collect DD after her match. He asked her what time it finished, she said 5pm. DD could easily get the bus, by the way, but she doesn't like to as it's 30 mins away. So DH agreed to collect her, but I heard him say "it might be just a little after 5 as I'll be giving toddler her tea". DD said ok, fine.

Fast forward to 5pm. I get a call at work when I'm buried in stuff to do, from DH. He says he was almost at the school to collect her (we live 30 mins away so he'd set off at 4.30 for her as per their agreement), when he received a text saying "match is finishing later now, can you get me at 5.45 instead". Bearing in mind DH has toddler in the back of the car, and this change of plan meant he then would have had to sit for 45 mins at the school trying to keep toddler happy, entertained and warm, while he waited for DD, then another 30 mins to get home after that. Toddler's bath time is 6pm so that would have been pushed back too, etc. He replies that he can't do this and she will need to now get the bus home in light of this change of plan, as he needs to get toddler home and bathed etc for bed. Also that it's not reasonable to expect him to sit with toddler in the car for that length of time.

DD becomes really upset, saying she's not getting the bus home because she doesn't want to, why can't he just wait for her. Etc.

I tell DH I'll call her and tell her she needs to get the bus. She is 10 mins walk from a bus stop where she is, and it's well lit and busy area etc.

DH turns round and drives home. I call DD (bearing in mind I'm at my desk with work to do and could have really done without being pulled into it all), and tell her she will have to get the bus. She starts crying saying it's unfair and why can't step dad just collect her as planned. I say because the plan was 5pm and that's now almost an hour later, and that's not convenient for toddler. She says it's not her fault the time changed, I say I understand it's not her fault, however you could very easily get the bus since it wouldn't be fair on stepdad or toddler to sit and wait almost an hour. I then say I have to go as I have work to finish.

She then sends me 15 texts in the space of 30 minutes, saying "it's not fair", "I'm stranded now", "why can't he just come and get me", etc. I had to take my phone off my desk out of view as it was so distracting and I had work to finish.

Eventually she got the bus, and we arrived home roughly the same time. But I'm sat here fuming with the both of them because:

1. why did DH even need to drag me into this? Could be not just have dealt with it himself and told her to get the bus, instead of calling me at work to resolve it?

2. why is DD so unable, at 16 years of age, to walk 10 mins to a bus stop ... and why does she feel the need to bombard me with texts as if this is somehow now my problem to solve from my desk at work?

Disclaimer: I'm exhausted and burnt out in general, and had a long day at work, so maybe that's clouding my judgement.

But AIBU to be annoyed at the bloody both of them right now?

Peppard Pig 😂

My DH couldn't have survived 45 mins in a confined space with Peppard. Not a chance.

😂😂

Bloody hell!!

I don't agree that DH didn't wait for child but you're going off the handle here surely. Her real dad could be a right n0b for all you know. And god forbid a woman should leave a man and shag another... this isn't 1901 you lunatic

It’s because he’s a man, OP.

Some posters will project and pretzel themselves to make him out to be the monster in any given scenario.

To me, that is having a hissy fit - it's being awkward for the sake of it.

He was already out in the car - why go all the way back home instead of somewhere nearby and warm? It's just silly and creating drama for nothing.

Her real dad could be a right n0b for all you know

Or dead... 🤷‍♀️

So you agree

If she didn't have a DP, there would never have been the offer of a lift to begin with, so the situation would never have come about 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm kind of surprised by how many people seem to think asking a 16 year old to get a bus is borderline abuse. Considering she's going to be an adult in a couple of years and going off to uni a bus trip is a pretty reasonable expectation at 16. From the sounds of it she survived the trip quite comfortably and she just didn't want the hassle of a bus trip.

Don't think it's a case of OP or her DH prioritising toddler, toddlers routine was already put out by the original pick up. At the very worst it's a lesson to DD that other people's time are as important as hers. Something that will come in very handy in a two very short years, when she will be an adult, not as handy as learning how to take the bus mind!

OP, in future don't get involved. It sounds like they have established a close enough relationship they can deal with these issues themselves.

@thelobsterquadrille

"Being awkward for the sake of it" is worlds apart from weighing up options and making a reasoned decision based on the facts.

@Yesnoormaybe

Agree that your spelling needs a bit of work? I do, yes.

That’s what I mean so why all the shock horror of having to get a bus?

No need to be rude, clearly an auto correct. If you think you are fully in the right, you needn't have bothered posting on AIBU really

And god forbid a woman should leave a man and shag another... this isn't 1901 you lunatic

Fucks sake I think I love whoever wrote this 😂😂😂😂

I did think that when writing it but thought it may be a bit thoughtless

people acting like a 16 year old can’t get the bus home are fucking pathetic. If this was a thread about teenager always using parents for lifts it would be a different story and everyone would be saying why can’t she get the bus

Excuse me?

Well, I just don't think he did make a reasonable decision 🤷🏻‍♀️

He was already out in the car and almost ether football, so it seems really pointless to turn round and drive all the way back home instead of waiting somewhere warm for 45 minutes.

Like I said, it's being awkward for the sake of it.

It's not about her not being able to get the bus, though.

It's that she was promised a lift and her match ended up over-running - and instead of waiting for her, her step-dad turned round and drove all the way back home, leaving her to make her own way home.

It's just not nice behaviour 🤷🏻‍♀️

😂

Toddler is a priority over a 16 year old that can get on the bus. She should have made him aware before the game started.

Not sure hb has done much wrong here.

As does your parenting

I think your H was a bit (a lot) precious over waiting with a toddler. So what? Go buy a drink, hook them out of their seat and sit them on your lap in the front and watch some cartoons on your phone, or get them a sticker book. So what if bathtime and bedtime is a bit later? The world won’t end. If I were him, I’d have waited. I’d have been a bit peeved but as it was beyond her control, it wouldn’t have been a big deal.

The only thing your husband did wrong is not deal with this himself. Your daughter needs to learn that sometimes things don’t go the way we planned at 16 she’s more than capable of getting a bus home. The only thing you did wrong was ask mumsnet for advice when you’re already at the end of your tether , especially when a man is involved 😁 move away from the screen and try and decompress 😴 tomorrow is another day.

So it’s too cold for DD to get home on the bus, with a 10 min walk. But the DH should’ve watched the match in the cold for nearly two hours with a toddler……. Ok then!

I think DD will update whoever is collecting her in a timelier manner from now on, rather than after someone has already left home. It will be a good lesson for her and hopefully make her appreciate other people's time and effort in dragging out a small child and driving to 1 hour. If she had called at 4:00 to say they hadn't started yet and it was likely to be later, they could have arranged for him to arrive as she finished.