Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to drive a colleague to work everyday

127 replies

MWT · 07/12/2022 17:12

Firstly, I am autistic and routine is key for me in the morning. I also have an autistic child who will also be in the car and my eldest child.

A colleague approached me today asking if I could give them a lift in the morning to work. I said "okay but it will be early". Told her the time I could get her by.

I will be going slightly out of my way in order to pick them up and there is generally more traffic on the route too. It also means my eldest needs to be sat in the back and dropped off further away from their school than usual due to being sat on the opposite side of the car. I don't mind picking my colleague up occasionally however I am really going to struggle to do it every day. They are also notorious for running late - something that will cause stress for me as I have a lot of things to do each morning.

I have been given lifts by other people within the work place however these have been reciprocated where necessary.

AIBU to not pick my colleague up every day?

OP posts:
bigknickersbigknockers · 07/12/2022 17:14

just say no if you dont want to do it.

Bonjovispyjamas · 07/12/2022 17:15

Once you start, it's often hard to get out of, I'd say no now.

stepkids · 07/12/2022 17:16

Perhaps agree a to one particular day a week? See how that goes first?

WhichWitchIsTheWitch · 07/12/2022 17:16

If (and it’s and if) you do do it ask them to meet you on the route you already take so if they aren’t there you carry on driving and aren’t made
late by them. But really they need to sort out their own travel arrangements.

Lcb123 · 07/12/2022 17:17

its fine to say no. Has she said a specific reason for tomorrow? If she has, for example, for own car is in the garage then maybe it’s nice if you can help - but say to her that you cannot do regular lifts

NippyWoowoo · 07/12/2022 17:18

If you do it for one day, you could then say I'm sorry, but it didn't work for us, so I won't be able to do it again. Mornings are already stressful and it's unfortunately making it harder

Idontevenknow · 07/12/2022 17:18

You lost me at being dropped further away from school as they are on the opposite side of the car. Sounds like excuses.

You don't need to make excuses- if you don't want to do it you don't have to. Just say sorry, this arrangement doesn't work for me.

quokka5 · 07/12/2022 17:18

Yanbu. You can say no if your colleague asks to make this a regular arrangement. I certainly wouldn't expect a colleague to give me a lift everyday.

Shinyandnew1 · 07/12/2022 17:18

Has she asked you to give her a one off lift tomorrow morning or a lift every morning forever?

Just say mornings are complicated enough at the moment and that doesn’t work for you.

How does the person normally get to work?

Ohdearnotagain76 · 07/12/2022 17:20

Has this person asked for a lift every day?
no reason why your child can’t still sit in the front, might not seem to be the politest thing but you never offered you just agreed. How’s this person getting home?
I agree get the person to meet you along the way and say you won’t be waiting around

Themind · 07/12/2022 17:22

How does sitting in the other side of the car mean that someone needs to be dropped further away? Am I missing something surely you stop the car and the person gets out.

NoelNoNoel · 07/12/2022 17:24

If they ask again reply ‘no sorry’ then change the subject.

Ponderingwindow · 07/12/2022 17:26

It’s typically polite to help out for a special situation, like a car in for repair, but you don’t need to agree to regular transport.

Afterfire · 07/12/2022 17:28

Just say no, that’s not going to work for me. And repeat.

ilovesooty · 07/12/2022 17:30

A one off favour is one thing. No reason why you can't say no to a regular arrangement if you don't want to do it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/12/2022 17:30

Say “just as a one off” if that’s what you’re happy with.

Also, put your Dd in the front if that’s what works and is safest for dropping them at school. Colleague can go in the back if they’re cadging a lift.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/12/2022 17:31

Themind · 07/12/2022 17:22

How does sitting in the other side of the car mean that someone needs to be dropped further away? Am I missing something surely you stop the car and the person gets out.

They probably want to drop dc on pavement side, and if they’re sitting on opposite side of the car, it’s the opposite side of the road.

Caterina99 · 07/12/2022 17:31

If it’s a one off and not hugely out of your way, then yes it’s nice to help out a colleague.

If she genuinely wants a lift to work every day then I feel that has to be a formal arrangement that works for both of you and compensates you for the inconvenience. So she pays you petrol money (presumably she’d have to pay somehow to get herself to work, unless she walked) and meets at an agreed location on time.

In your situation you’re not looking for that kind of arrangement, so tell her no, it’s too difficult for you with 2 kids

Partyprofessional · 07/12/2022 17:32

I had this with a colleague. I had to go out my way only just, but it was the busy route. There is a few ways I can go to work. It’s only 10 min by car. But it was to stressful as I had to drop my daughter of at school. My daughter would not get out the car. So I’d be running late. So when my son started high school,it was the ideal time to tell my colleague I wasn’t going her way. My colleague never gave me petrol money either or offered. She burped, farted, was late and sang awkwardly on route so was glad to see the back of her.

Redbone · 07/12/2022 17:32

As others have said, just say sorry it doesn’t work for me. No need to go into detail.

Original poster
MWT · 07/12/2022 17:33

I normally pull up into a car park lay-by to let my eldest child out. I don't feel comfortable letting them open the door whilst traffic is going at speed. Yes I could get out and hold the door open however it is just a faff. The colleague definitely wouldn't want to sit in the back! So I would stop off at a safer place for my child however it is further for my child to walk.

I am happy to do it on this occasion only and I will just make it clear.

They haven't asked for it every day yet however they don't have a car so I can see this being a regular request with the colder mornings.

OP posts:
littlefireseverywhere · 07/12/2022 17:34

Just say sorry, it doesn't work with school drop offs etc.

LimeCheesecake · 07/12/2022 17:35

If it’s a one off tomorrow, fine. If they need a regular thing, say that while you were happy to change your morning routine as you thought it was a one off emergency, but it doesn’t work for your family to be a regular thing.

Caterina99 · 07/12/2022 17:35

How does your colleague usually get to work?

it’s the back of the car or nothing if you want a favour off someone! Especially as you have a good reason for your DD being in the front

LimeCheesecake · 07/12/2022 17:36

When you turn up to collect them, have your dd already in the front. You are doing them a favour.

Swipe left for the next trending thread