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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To fake orgasms with DH

133 replies

Gingerangel · 07/12/2022 03:04

Sometimes I’m just not in the right headspace to orgasm and if there’s no clit stimulation it’s not going to happen…

Most of the time I will use a small bullet vibe on myself during sex to provide clit stimulation but I always have to be the one who’s responsible for my own orgasm and sometimes I just can’t be arsed…

DH will ask if I have come and I usually am honest and say no if I haven’t but sometimes I just lie to save the awkwardness of the conversation.

OP posts:

Keroppi · 07/12/2022 20:42

Order and read 'come as you are"
Never fake it
He needs to use his hands.. Maybe do foreplay only for a few sessions.. Blindfolds etc
Be honest and vulnerable with him!! You need good sex!!

BiscuitLover3678 · 07/12/2022 20:42

Why isn’t he trying anything? Hands are so easy! Has he ever?

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 07/12/2022 20:46

No don't fake it. I appreciate I'm quite lucky that my DH loves making me come but you should never put up with someone who cba to attend to your needs.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 07/12/2022 20:47

Yeah definitely most men are not like this. I've been with at least 3 in my life who enjoyed doing oral. My husband actually loves it

QueSyrahSyrah · 07/12/2022 21:00

God this thread has given me terrible flashbacks to my younger life. Up until my mid-30s I'd often fake it (either relationships or flings) as the least path of resistance.

Then something changed in my head and I just stopped faking it, and stopped lying. Game-changer. Instead of 'yes' it was 'no I haven't, because I need more of this or that / I'm a little drunk / I'm tired / I'm not in the right headspace. Straightforward and upfront.

DH (met in my late 30s) puts more emphasis on my pleasure than his, and is reluctant to finish on the very rare occasion that I haven't. I wouldn't have married him if that wasn't the case.

I echo the previous questions, where are your DH's hands OP? Are you really just diving straight into PIV from cold and then finishing as soon as he does?

StarlightLady · 07/12/2022 21:16

Totally agree, foreplay should be an obsolete word. Sex is not just about penetration.

Summerfun54321 · 07/12/2022 21:45

I’ve never faked an orgasm. Men who didn’t care about my pleasure were thrown back in the sea until I found one who did.

Not all men are like this, but women who accept selfish men end up with a selfish man. Your question shouldn’t be “how can I change him” but “why did I settle for him”. It’s a LTB from me.

Thesenderofthiscard · 07/12/2022 21:59

If you aren’t compatible sexually then you really need to think about why you’re staying together.

Thesenderofthiscard · 07/12/2022 22:00

I’ve NEVER ever faked it and never would. Why should you?

RewildingAmbridge · 07/12/2022 22:05

I've never faked, don't believe in it. I also had a lot of sex in my younger days. IME some men are a bit useless but up for direction. Not really come across someone in a relationship, who knows you're not sexually satisfied but doesn't give a shit. Also never found a man who doesn't do oral, especially if it's reciprocated. I wonder if that's generational? I'm mid/late thirties.
DH would absolutely not be H if this was his attitude.

Thesenderofthiscard · 08/12/2022 07:48

Has it always been this bad OP?

Afterfire · 08/12/2022 07:50

I think this is far, far more common than the replies here suggest.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/12/2022 08:11

Afterfire · 08/12/2022 07:50

I think this is far, far more common than the replies here suggest.

That doesn't make it in any way right though.

Why are so many woman staying with men like this is the bigger question. What are they getting out of the relationship?

Thesenderofthiscard · 08/12/2022 09:28

‘I think this is far, far more common than the replies here suggest.’

awful though isn’t it? I don’t why some fake it though, how is it going to get better if your partner thinks it’s all great??

Afterfire · 08/12/2022 09:40

arethereanyleftatall · 08/12/2022 08:11

That doesn't make it in any way right though.

Why are so many woman staying with men like this is the bigger question. What are they getting out of the relationship?

Show quote history

I guess for a lot of people sex isn’t the be all and end all of the relationship- sometimes people do things to keep things ticking over for the other person or to make them happy, because they make them happy in other ways. Not everyone really cares about whether they have an orgasm every time they have sex.

Judgyjudgy · 08/12/2022 10:28

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 07/12/2022 05:46

If you need stimulation (as most of us do) then do it! I usually get in the right position to DIY at the appropriate point and obviously my DP is aware and up for that as he wants me to finish first. Does your DH care if you finish? Decent men should always make sure the woman comes first. It's basic sex etiquette.

This re basic etiquette!!

UglyNameChange · 08/12/2022 11:07

arethereanyleftatall · 08/12/2022 08:11

That doesn't make it in any way right though.

Why are so many woman staying with men like this is the bigger question. What are they getting out of the relationship?

Show quote history

There are other things to relationship, you know that right?
Relationships aren’t just sex abd orgasms to all of us.
What a cold view on love and companion some people here have…

Planesmistakenforstars · 08/12/2022 11:23

There are other things to relationship, you know that right?
Relationships aren’t just sex abd orgasms to all of us.

Yes of course this is absolutely true, but if a man doesn't care about a woman's pleasure during sex, then it's unlikely to be the only part of the relationship where he's a self absorbed dickhead.

PorridgePowered · 08/12/2022 11:23

You both deserve better sex. Most women need external stimulation to orgasm. Nothing to get flustered about. Do you know what you like? Just start off with something like 'last time you did xxx it felt great' or guide his hand if you don't know the words you want to use. And stop lying, he'll likely get a lot more bothered if you just say 'no, not this time' when he asks. Don't ask, don't get! (And if you don't know what you like... you've got some exploring to do!)

Dacadactyl · 08/12/2022 11:27

WHY did you marry him OP?!

This would be such a deal breaker for me, I can't even tell you how much!!!

astronewt · 08/12/2022 11:27

What a cold view on love and companion some people here have…

What a retrograde, sexist view on women some people have to think that they should put up with shit sex for "love and companion".

Sex is important to me, and I make no apologies for that. Selfish in bed is selfish everywhere.

Grimchmas · 08/12/2022 11:47

There are other things to relationship, you know that right?Relationships aren’t just sex abd orgasms to all of us.What a cold view on love and companion some people here have…

This man literally gives not one shit about if his wife has orgasmed or not, as long as he has done. His wife clearly does want to and is capable of orgasm. He dislikes her using a vibrator as it puts him off from concentrating on his orgasm. He gets angry and defensive when she brings the subject up. He doesn't want to do oral (fair enough everybody is allowed preferences) but also won't use his hands and won't allow her to use a toy. Tell me again that none of this matters and that she should just put up and shut up because other things are also important in love and relationships.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/12/2022 11:57

@UglyNameChange
Yeah, you've completely missed the point. Of course for some relationships it isn't about the sex. That's obvious. And, neither is my point anything to do with the sex itself. The point is the op and others partners can't give a shit about their pleasure. And the op and others still desperately try to please by faking orgasms. Why?

DillDanding · 08/12/2022 12:02

That’s grim. I’ve never faked one in my life.

And he has to ask?

Sounds awful.

IWannaDismemberFairies · 08/12/2022 12:23

Me too, @EverythingWobbles .

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