To think colleague should have asked if I wanted Christmas off before she booked it off?

[SulkySam]

AIBU to be a bit pissed off colleague booked this Christmas off when she had last Christmas off too? Isn’t it the polite thing to alternate having it off.

I started in role in September last year and she’d already booked off for last year before I started. Absolutely fine.

For this year she mentioned in conversation she’d booked it off, told me it had been approved as if it was fait accompli. No discussion and as it had already been approved there wasn’t much I could say! Quite pissed off manager just approved it as well.

Obviously I’ve know for a few months now but it is still making me seethe! She is an older lady, no DC while I have 5 DC including two disabled children.

Of course that doesn’t mean I have priority over her having time off for Christmas (just to make that clear before someone jumps on it) but isn’t it usual etiquette to take turns?

Why didn't you book the time off? Sounds like you expected her to just give you Christmas off with no discussion, like she has ESP.

This place makes me laugh. Yesterday I read a thread where someone was asking if they should ask their colleague to give up Christmas leave because they needed it and everyone was saying it needs to be alternated and fair. On this thread everyone's on about you snooze you lose, and how it's first come first served.

In our place, on my old team we couldn't boo Christmas til November, and we had to submit what we wanted, managers would give us what we could have and that was that. If we worked the year before we had priority for it off this year if we wanted it. Cover is necessary so this was the fairest way to do it. YANBU to want fairness.

Seems harsh! Every job I’ve had people aren’t allowed to just book leave at Christmas. We all take the dates we hope to book off to a team meeting in September and then negotiate between us, taking into account who did what last year and with the agreement that whoever does this year for Xmas or NY doesn’t have to do either next year

You knew in September (2021) that your colleague had already planned for Christmas, so you could have asked for the time off earlier in the year.

Not your colleague's place to ask you, your manager perhaps to decide whether it is first ask, first granted, or not.

Christmas was first celebrated in England in 597 and was only banned for six years under Oliver Cromwell. You can't say you haven't had enough notice.

I think this shows poor management. When I managed nursing homes, teams of workers at a charity, nurses on wards…….it was always made clear that automatically Xmas and new year’s off would alternate unless there was agreement between staff who were happy to swap. There will always be selfish people who look after number one….so management should prevent the CFs getting all the best holidays. I would bring it up with your manager at your weekly/monthly appraisal.

This.

Go tell your manager tomorrow that you are putting in for Christmas 2023.

@EasterIsland 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I would be frustrated as well, but it's not your colleague you should be annoyed at. I have never worked in a place with the sort of holiday etiquette you have mentioned. It is the manager's job to make sure staff get time off as fairly as possible. As an individual, get your holiday bookings in as soon as the booking for the new year starts.

In my book your collegue would never make it to the frontline when days-of are distributed : where my husband worked (retired now) it was custom that those with young children got first choice of days off during school holidays. Your children is not a young parent, no children at all younsay. Once your children were grown up you were expected to return the favor. As for who of the young parents got which day of, if people didn't agree it would be the head of department who got the final say taking in account who'd had first dibs in previous vacations. So your collegue would've been lucky if she had to full holidays of like once in a few years!

If you're part time won't you already have time off over Christmas? If you don't share the same manager then why can't you take the time off? Is your manager working?

All these people saying ‘you snooze you lose’ would probably feel very differently if they didn’t get Christmas off 2 years in a row. Its not a particularly fair system but if you want to change it you’re going to have to say something.

Instead of fuming silently, maybe you can go to manager and have a quiet word and say ‘this is two years in a row I’ve worked Christmas. Wouldn’t it be fairer if it were automatically alternating?’ And if they say ‘outta my hands’, ask when the holiday leave opens for next Christmas and book it off immediately it opens.

Mumsnetters are notoriously down on anyone who mentions kids and Christmas leave in the same post let alone the same line so you were naive to put that in. Apparently if you do, you are a devilishly selfish person and think you are better and more deserving than childless people. Damn you child-bearer. How very dare you!

I can see why you'd be miffed, BUT surely you have to realise its up to you and you only to book whatever holidays you want off! I can also see why people are a tad upset as you mentioned the fact you are a mum and had 2 disabled kids.... that shouldn't matter. Why feel the need to mention that? What if your colleague has disabled parents?? Just always try look at the bigger picture.

Well I hope that's made clear in job adverts and interviews! FYI no kids you're bottom of the pile with holiday planning!

Most AL is done on a 1st come 1st serve basis. Some companies will do it differently at Christmas and ask for all requests to be submitted at the same time then decide who gets it off based on previous years etc. This is what happens where I work. Your best bet is to request it early if you want it off if your company will let you

But that’s not on the colleague, the company should have a fairer process in place… however, they don’t and the colleague was proactive and booked it off… They owe nothing to OP, who had every opportunity to book it off but didn’t!

It’s not on OPs colleague to manage them! The self entitlement of people 🤦🏻‍♀️

So what if she had last year off? Nothing to do with you at all. You didn’t even work there then, so even less to do with you.

What does having five children, two disabled, have to do with anything at all here?

No she shouldn’t, you should of had the sense to book it off, as she did!
If you work part time, you will unlikely to be able to cover her role, as well as doing your own!
Maybe a lesson learnt for next year!! Or speak with your manager and recommend that holiday for Christmas is alternated each year to be fair!
This is not on your colleague OP!!

Yup!

We have this.... EVERY year...

I always(now) push back....

Where I used to work, I'm a pensioner, the mums got first dibs on holidays. It was accepted. As my parents still lived in England but came to visit me twice a year, I was allowed to take off whenever they came.

Amazed so many mums seem to think it’s ok to book what you want off and f*ck anyone else. Is it to do with upbringing or age? In the sixties and seventies at home and school we were taught to always be fair….to make society a better place rather than everyone looking out for themselves. Thatcher changed that…told the country society and community didn’t exist…turned half the country into CFs who only ever look after themselves. Not an improvement, the U.K. has really became pretty shitty.

As a manager I get my team together and ask them all what holidays they would like and then I balance it out as fairly as possible but we all work together as a team to be fair to each other

If you need to cover for her and her work isn’t up to scratch email her manager, cc’ing yours, every single time you find an issue. Her manager will have to take it seriously once the complaints add up.

It shouldn't be first come first served. I would be complaining to the manager. Out of principle if not resolved I would be calling in sick.

I expect I'll be flamed but I actually think it's fairer that those with young children (let's say primary aged and below) get Christmas off over others with older / adult/ no children if they celebrate Christmas for religious reasons. After them I think anyone else who celebrates for religious reasons. We have small children but don't celebrate Christmas, so my husband is working and specifically asked too, probably a first for the company lol. I would be upset if he didn't get our religious holidays off that we celebrate as a family especially when thr children are small.

All these people saying ‘you snooze you lose’ would probably feel very differently if they didn’t get Christmas off 2 years in a row. Its not a particularly fair system but if you want to change it you’re going to have to say something

When my ds was small I used to plan the year as far as I could, work out when I could use childminders, holiday clubs etc, when my mum could help and then book leave as soon as bookings opened for that year. If you have kids who need looking after that's what you do. You have to be organised, and before anyone says it, that means that if you are ND you need to have systems in place to sort this out. No doubt ND parents DO have systems in place to make sure their kids don't miss out on things, and this is just one more - book well ahead for the days you need.