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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Front row seats for PTA

212 replies

pitapta · 06/12/2022 15:53

I’ve name changed because a few people know my usual username on here and I’d rather not be linked to the following petty moaning…

I know there are bigger things to worry about at the moment BUT this has really left a bad taste in my mouth. I attended DD’s first ever school play this morning with my partner. She’s our PFB and this is the first time we’ve seen her in a school production so were really looking forward to it. I was told yesterday by a fellow parent that, although the play didn’t start for an hour, parents queued from drop off time so we wrapped up and joined the queue. We weren’t first but were three couples from the front of the queue. Waited in the freezing cold until doors opened at the start time only to be greeted by ‘reserved’ signs on the entire front row. Obviously didn’t know who these seats were reserved for so we dutifully took our seats on the second row before a bunch of the PTA waltzed in and took their front row seats. I had to ask two of them to lower their phones during the performance so I could actually see.

Is this normal? I couldn’t believe it. Surely it’s first come, first served and the fact we’d been queuing in the cold for an hour meant we should get the seats we wanted?

The show was great; I know this is the important thing but I still feel really cross and like this is deeply unfair. I wanted to email the school but my DP thinks they’re label me as pathetic and ignore it anyway.

AIBU and should I say something?

OP posts:
TheaBrandt · 06/12/2022 16:12

Sounds fair enough. It’s shit being a pta drudge I spent more time than I care to remember in the school dustbin area sorting out rubbish after fairs / quizzes whilst non pta parents “waltzed” around with their kids. Sadly no pta perks at my dc old primary mores the pity!

ehb102 · 06/12/2022 16:12

Goodness! I will have to see if that's an option for our PTA. Do I think we have earned it? YES. Do we get anything other than fleeting thanks? No. Would it be nice to actually get some tangible benefit? Absolutely. Hundreds of hours making the school a better place and we don't even get a reserved seat.

Frabbits · 06/12/2022 16:14

Surely if it was an actual perk it would be first in line for the cake afterwards rather than front row to a tedious school concert.

Zwicky · 06/12/2022 16:14

Same at my school but PTA do the tickets, set out the chairs, sell programmes and raffle tickets, take, print and mount photos for parents, clean the hall afterwards and do refreshments. They also help with scenery and costumes and may be busy helping right up until they waltz in and sit down. Nuns also get reserved seats because nuns.

BareBelliedSneetch · 06/12/2022 16:15

5 years on the PTA, now a governor, and I’ve never had a reserved seat for anything. I’m clearly doing something wrong! 😂

dontknowwhatisbest · 06/12/2022 16:15

luxxlisbon · 06/12/2022 16:08

*Is this normal? I couldn’t believe it. Surely it’s first come, first served and the fact we’d been queuing in the cold for an hour meant we should get the seats we wanted?

The show was great; I know this is the important thing but I still feel really cross and like this is deeply unfair. I wanted to email the school but my DP thinks they’re label me as pathetic and ignore it anyway.

AIBU and should I say something?*

They do a lot of unpaid work through the school year, this is one tiny perk the school gives them. I really don’t get the big deal, you would be really ott to email the school about this.
If you care so much join the PYA and put the hours in yourself.

This. I spent a few years on the PTA when DC were in primary and it was demanding, hugely time consuming and almost entirely unappreciated by other parents - as demonstrated by the OP.

Walkingtheplank · 06/12/2022 16:15

A few families at every school will find a way not just to hog the front row with their extended family, but will also block everyone's view with their devices. The first few years I had to look up another mum's facebook to see what my son looked like - despite us being told not to take photos.

It's even more galling when the entire extended family hog the front row at both performances. Why not give another child a chance to see their parents?

It was a blessed relief when my DCs went to secondary and mostly gave up on performances. Still apparently the same people hogging the front row at DD's school though.

girlmom21 · 06/12/2022 16:17

I don't think it's a bad idea

Freddosforall · 06/12/2022 16:19

PTA work bloody hard at our school, they're brilliant. I definitely wouldn't begrudge them front row seats. I think it's a really good idea actually.

Hbh17 · 06/12/2022 16:20

Nobody should be using a phone at a school event - it's a safeguarding issue, not just about blocking people's view.

purpleboy · 06/12/2022 16:22

Doesn't happen at our school, first come first served.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 06/12/2022 16:23

Suggest you stop whinging and join the PTA. It's a fucking thankless job full of stress topped off with parents complaining at every event you do yet somehow they're all waaaaay too busy to help out, dontcha know.

Original poster
pitapta · 06/12/2022 16:24

Seems I have been unreasonable. I’m going to enquire about joining our PTA: I’ve got no problem with helping out at school. Those who have been PTA members, can it work around a full time job? I don’t have reliable childcare in the evenings because my DP is an emergency service worker and does shifts so could I take DD and baby with me to meetings? Do these even take place in the evening?

I don’t do drop off or pick up either but this shouldn’t matter, should it?

OP posts:
Looneytune253 · 06/12/2022 16:24

I think that's fair enough if they give up their own free time on a regular basis to benefit the school. Get yourself on it if you want front row seats

Tillylime · 06/12/2022 16:25

FelicityBennett · 06/12/2022 15:56

Suppose there has to be some benefits for giving up their time to help the school
Happens at every school I think, can be reserved for governors as well

You could join the PTA?

No. There doesn’t.
Dh and I we’re both on the pta at various times and we would never have done this.

BloodyShoes · 06/12/2022 16:28

Our school do this but the PTA allowed to reserve are working behind the scenes if you like so if they didn't reserve they'd never get a seat. It's only the ones working the show that are allowed to reserve.

Allthemojitos · 06/12/2022 16:29

Our PTA meetings are generally in the evening, sometimes face to face and sometimes on Zoom. You don't have to attend them all, so if you can't make one due to your DP's shift I can't see that being an issue. I expect they will just be glad to gave another member to share the load with. It is always the same few parents that help out at our school.

weebarra · 06/12/2022 16:30

In our school we all work. Meetings are in the evening and DCs often come if people don't have childcare.

DownToTheSeaAgain · 06/12/2022 16:31

pitapta · 06/12/2022 16:24

Seems I have been unreasonable. I’m going to enquire about joining our PTA: I’ve got no problem with helping out at school. Those who have been PTA members, can it work around a full time job? I don’t have reliable childcare in the evenings because my DP is an emergency service worker and does shifts so could I take DD and baby with me to meetings? Do these even take place in the evening?

I don’t do drop off or pick up either but this shouldn’t matter, should it?

Ha ha. Can I help on the PTA if I'm not available ... ever?!?

Being treasurer, organising donations, buying supplies ... I am sure if you are willing enough they will find you a job.

Changingmynameyetagain · 06/12/2022 16:33

I did the PTA for years and years. I didn’t help at the nativity but I used to help before the day sorting the costumes and one year sewing making 35 bow ties for the choir. I used to get a reserved seat as a small thanks from the school.
Only me though, other family members had to queue up like everyone else.

JustLyra · 06/12/2022 16:33

The only schools I’ve ever worked in that rewarded PTA members with reserved seats are ones that put them to use around the event.

WestwardHo1 · 06/12/2022 16:34

I think it's fair enough myself. As I teacher I was impressed how much time and effort PTA members put in, which benefited everyone's kids.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/12/2022 16:34

I think before volunteering maybe work out when you would be available, OP. No point signing up then not being able to actually volunteer any of your time.

Chippy1234 · 06/12/2022 16:35

I dont see the issue as our PTA works really hard. What did annoy me is people who brought crying babies in and didnt leave or made a big drama of leaving when the poor child on stage was trying to get their words out.

Jules912 · 06/12/2022 16:36

I'm not a full member of the PTA as between work, autistic DD's rather erratic school attended and DH's business travel my availability sucks, but I do help at events when I can. PTA members that help at the play get reserved seats ( yes usually at the front) but they do a lot more than I do and as far as I'm concerned they've earned it!