It’s a dog one. Who was being unreasonable?

[Ohhelpicantthinkofaname]

So, I own a friendly, if slightly mad medium sized dog.

today we were out on a walk and was heading back up a footpath with a stream to the side. Most people have their dogs off the lead along this path, it’s nothing unusual.

so I’m walking up the path and my dog is a little way ahead. A child approx 20+ meters away see my dog, screams and runs back to his mum. The child is probably 7-9 years old. I call my dog back so she’s near me.

A man who was with them and I think a friend rather than the child’s father comes up to me and says “that child is scared of dogs”. I reply “ok, well my dog likes kids, but I’ll take her over here” and walked over to where the stream was a threw her ball in so she would just play and ignore them as they walked by.

the man gave me the filthiest look and mutter some choice things about me under his breath.

to my mind it’s better for a child with a fear of dogs to see a dog at a safe distance minding its own business, rather than me panicking and rushing to put it back on the lead, making it seem like there really is something to fear. My dog has good recall and I trusted her not to cause an issue. Also at that child’s age I would have thought some exposure to dogs to try and address what is clearly quite a serious fear would be a good thing, rather than feeding into it by trying to ensure he doesn’t encounter any dogs.

so was I unreasonable for not putting my dog straight back on the lead, and the man was justified for his glaring and muttered insults. Or is it fine to keep her off the lead, occupied and at a safe distance?

The kid passed by without incident btw. If I though my dogs would have actually done anything she would have been on the lead.

But surely being jumped up and approached etc is quite different to an owner recalling a dog and taking them away from you?

Moving the dog away and ensuring it didn't approach is also responsible ownership. It shows the person has taken the time to train the dog.

Op did nothing wrong.

You should have erred on the side of caution to reassure the parent and put your dog on the lead.

Even if doing so means the dog ends up closer to the child?
That makes no sense.

Where on earth did you ask for opinions then?
Your dog may have great recall but it's in the minority. Children have to put up with a lot from dogs and their walks can be spoilt by fear to an incredible degree. I have the perfect dog and still managed to have a child in this position as a result of meeting other dogs.

Leashing your dog if someone is frightened is the decent thing to do. They don't have a right to have you leash the dog. They have a right not to be distressed and it is not difficult for you to leash a dog with good recall. I don't know why you wouldn't bother when you know it's causing distress.

Yes I get that there was no jumping up but it’s just another example of sometimes dog owners not being very considerate.

The arrogance of OP thinking she could somehow cure a phobia by deliberately exposing the child to the dog is also infuriating. My MIL was like this and she caused the phobia in the first place! Dogs are often the same size as kids. It’s not an irrational fear.

@Sadbeigechildren

But the child was distressed just by seeing a dog. How could you avoid that happening, except by saying no dog is ever allowed outside in daylight in case it gets seen?

Lockdown and lockdown puppies have really brought the worst out in us all.

Lockdown puppies had precious little socialising opportunities but , somehow, parents have stopped reminding their brats to not approach strange dogs and slap them , twist their noses ( yes!) and think it's cute for their brats to try to climb them ( oh yes!)

But there are so many, many reactive dogs out and about now.
Not sure what the solution is to be honest.
Proper parenting
Proper dog ownership
And people need to calm down a bit.

@XenoBitch
"If you have a kid who is freaking out that bad at something they see in public, then that is something for the parents to address, not dog owners"
Exactly this!
Your child's safety and welfare is your responsibility. By all means challenge or rant about the bad dog owners, but don't blame us all. OP had her dog under control, and was in no way responsible for whatever has happened in the past to you or your child.

Personally don't think you done anything wrong, people who think dogs should be kept on leads permanently are being ridiculous, probably the same people who own cats and let them out to shit in everyone else's garden 😒 but I digress.

Parents ought to address their child's irrational fears, as previously mentioned dogs are absolutely everywhere, and if you don't want to come across one then don't go wandering along pathways frequented by dog walkers.

I let my dog off lead, especially near rivers, and I won't stop doing so because someone who has seen my dog and continues to walk towards us may or may not be scared 🤷 entitled, sure, maybe, deal with it, because it's also entitled to expect random people to work around your family and their fears.

There is no such thing as 'dog parks' where I live, never even seen a dog park in my life.

@CaptainThe95thRifles the op responded by saying the dog likes kids and is friendly. It would have been far more considerate to just say ok I'll leash her until you pass. It would have hurt nobody to put the dog on a lead for a few seconds rather than to decide exposure when frightened was the best move. Wtf?
Anyone that is frightened of dogs feels worse when a dog is loose and I would have had more consideration for other people.

I'm not an animal lover (or hater, I'm pretty indifferent)

I opened this thread thinking, 'oh, another entitled dog owner.'

That's not what I think having read the thread. You took measures to ensure your dog was neither a nuisance or something to fear and I think what you did was correct. My suspicion is that the person who was grumbling was more upset that you didn't do as you were told (and respect him as a big scary man) rather than any effect on the child.

So he wanted you to call your dog closer to the scared child just to put it on a lead when your solution was to send your dog elsewhere to keep her away from the child? People are fucking lunatics 😂

I had a woman screech at me to put my dog on a lead once when he was happily mooching around in the bushes, minding his own business, because her own off lead dog didn’t like other dogs. I’ve had people act like they’re terrified of him before also and he just looks at them like 🤔🥴 when they start screaming because he has zero interest in anyone apart from his family. Also he looks like Dobby the fucking house elf, he’s not remotely scary 😂

For fuck’s sake yes, YABU. It’s not up to you to decide what’s ‘better for the child’. I bloody hate dogs and some dog owners (such as ones like yourself) who think everyone should love their disgusting mutts. Control your dog and put it on a lead so the family can go about their day.

I asked for opinions as the guys was rude to me and I wanted to see if people thought he was justified for being like that. Obviously a lot of people on mumsnet are quite anti dogs, and it seems a lot of people think that walking past ik close proximity with my dog on a lead is preferable to her playing in a steam a distance away paying the kid no attention at all.

I agree the kid has a right not to be scared. He was scared initially, but there was nothing I could have done about that. But as soon as I realised he was scared I called my dog back and then took her out the way. The kid appeared fine when he walked by, a distance away from my dog. I thought I might be good for the kid to see an under control dog from a distance away, but I’m also clearly very wrong there too!!

I wonder if that poster is American. I see this a lot on Reddit and other dog boards, people horrified by the idea of an off lead dog anywhere other than the ‘dog park’. But that just isn’t a think in the UK.

For those who don’t live in the UK: the accepted etiquette here, generally, is that it’s ok to have your dog off-lead in a park or other green/wooded space away from the streets, unless signage says otherwise (e.g. if there are nesting birds or livestock around). Dogs usually aren’t allowed in children’s play areas though.

Your dog is expected to have good recall and be well behaved around children and other dogs if you let them off lead in public. If you see another dog approaching on-lead it’s polite to put yours on the lead too, and not let your dog approach it.

We don’t have ‘dog parks’ here. There are private fields you can rent if you want to practice recall in a secure space or if your dog can’t be trusted off-lead in public. Some dog walkers and trainers will also rent them to use with clients. But those are pretty rare and not the norm for most dog owners.

YANBU, your dog went nowhere near the child.

Of course you were not being unreasonable. You called the dog back as soon as you seen the child and there was no harm done.

You could have the best trained dog on the planet and behave absolutely perfectly, and Mumsnetters will still tell you that you were wrong because your dog wasn’t on the lead. I have absolutely no idea why tbh.

Not all dogs necessarily need to be on leads at all times 🙄 if someone else has a fear, that fear needs to be worked on, rather than avoided. It’s incredibly entitled and arrogant to ask other people to change their lifestyle based on someone else’s fears. You were 100% right when you said rushing to put the dog on the lead would only give the child a reason to believe dogs should be feared.

yanbu dogs don’t need to be on a lead
if the child’s scared of dogs he should take it to a child only park

COMMON SENSE to most with common sense and aren’t entitled twats

its not up to them to decide how I control my dog. My dog was under control and a distance away.

are you really that precious that you think kids shouldn’t see a dog behaving it’s self and ignoring them entirely? Also it’s a popular dog walking route, where dogs are often off the lead, not the ideal place to take a kid who’s scared of dogs.

my dog appears to have better manners than you.

If i had a phobia of cattle, I wouldn't walk through the fields of a dairy farm!!

The world doesn’t resolve around your child unfortunately
im scared of spiders does that mean I have a right to kill all spiders?

To answer your question OP, I think both you and the man were in the wrong. He shouldn’t have got arsey with you but your ‘well he likes kids’ comment was an odd one to make and could have got his back up. Your dog liking kids has nothing to do with the child’s phobia. He might have thought you were being deliberately unhelpful as a result of that comment, but a polite ‘actually would you mind putting him on the lead for a second?’ would have been easy enough.

I’ve encountered nervous children before and I would automatically put my dog on the lead in the scenario you describe, or at least offer to do so. It just seems like the easiest solution for everyone involved and (as you’ve already accepted) it really isn’t for you to decide how and when the kid’s phobia should best be addressed.

YABU. Saying your dog likes children is irrelevant, they can still scare people. I don't think you understand how many people are scared of dogs and it is down to them not you to decide whether they want re-educating in this.

@Keyansier

The hypocrisy in this is unbelievable 😂😂