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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s a dog one. Who was being unreasonable?

508 replies

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 05/12/2022 18:02

So, I own a friendly, if slightly mad medium sized dog.

today we were out on a walk and was heading back up a footpath with a stream to the side. Most people have their dogs off the lead along this path, it’s nothing unusual.

so I’m walking up the path and my dog is a little way ahead. A child approx 20+ meters away see my dog, screams and runs back to his mum. The child is probably 7-9 years old. I call my dog back so she’s near me.

A man who was with them and I think a friend rather than the child’s father comes up to me and says “that child is scared of dogs”. I reply “ok, well my dog likes kids, but I’ll take her over here” and walked over to where the stream was a threw her ball in so she would just play and ignore them as they walked by.

the man gave me the filthiest look and mutter some choice things about me under his breath.

to my mind it’s better for a child with a fear of dogs to see a dog at a safe distance minding its own business, rather than me panicking and rushing to put it back on the lead, making it seem like there really is something to fear. My dog has good recall and I trusted her not to cause an issue. Also at that child’s age I would have thought some exposure to dogs to try and address what is clearly quite a serious fear would be a good thing, rather than feeding into it by trying to ensure he doesn’t encounter any dogs.

so was I unreasonable for not putting my dog straight back on the lead, and the man was justified for his glaring and muttered insults. Or is it fine to keep her off the lead, occupied and at a safe distance?

The kid passed by without incident btw. If I though my dogs would have actually done anything she would have been on the lead.

OP posts:
surreygirl1987 · 05/12/2022 20:01

YABVU. Just put the dog on a lead, fgs.

It's not my problem some people have irrational fears
A couple of years ago I watched a dog leap into my 6 month old baby's pram at a playground and attack him. The idiot dog owner said 'he's never done anything like that before'. I don't think people's fears of dogs are irrational. I will never trust any dog ever again, and I think I have every right.

stuntbubbles · 05/12/2022 20:02

MN isn’t anti-dog! The rule is:

AIBU, I’m a dog-owner: YABU! Anti-dog!
AIBU, I’m not a dog-owner: YABU! Pro-dog!

We’re anti being reasonable.

XenoBitch · 05/12/2022 20:02

Honestly, MN can be batshit about dogs sometimes.
OP saw a kid was scared of a dog, so kept her dog a decent distance away.
This place would have OP call a vet to have her dog PTS because a kid got upset.

MadameMackenzie · 05/12/2022 20:03

@Mouk The law does NOT require dogs to be on leads when not in a dedicated Dog park I'm afraid. That law just doesn't exist!

Ilovelurchers · 05/12/2022 20:04

stuntbubbles · 05/12/2022 19:25

Very sane and reasonable response: people with dog phobias shouldn’t go outside. Or, slightly easier solution: dog leads!

Show quote history

Glad you found my response sane and reasonable - thanks!

People have phobias of all sorts of things. It isn't possible for everyone else to predict these and go out of their way to accommodate them at all times.

When children have phobias of cars, for example, should their parents flag down passing motorists and ask them not to drive past? No - they would either tackle the phobia or somehow avoid taking them near traffic.

Fear of dogs doesn't magically have a different status from fear of other commonplace things one encounters day to day in the world.

I understand that, like any phobia, fear of dogs must be unpleasant and potentially debilitating. Probably a good idea to seek treatment for it therefore if possible. More plausible than expecting the world to suddenly reorganise itself to accommodate your fear.

Ricco12 · 05/12/2022 20:07

I always put my dog on a lead when I see a child coming. It's reassuring for the parent and in my eyes the polite and correct thing to do.

You are totally in the wrong.

WondrousWinger · 05/12/2022 20:07

Yanbu.

I wouldn't have put mine on a lead. I'd have called her close to me and given them as much space as possible.

I'm sorry for people who've been jumped on and slobbered over or worse by dogs with poor recall and irresponsible owners. But that's not my or my dogs problem.

Lockheart · 05/12/2022 20:09

You were minding your own business, you kept your dog away, in no way were you being unreasonable.

Original poster
Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 05/12/2022 20:10

surreygirl1987 · 05/12/2022 20:01

YABVU. Just put the dog on a lead, fgs.

It's not my problem some people have irrational fears
A couple of years ago I watched a dog leap into my 6 month old baby's pram at a playground and attack him. The idiot dog owner said 'he's never done anything like that before'. I don't think people's fears of dogs are irrational. I will never trust any dog ever again, and I think I have every right.

I don’t think I said it’s not my problem if people have irrational fears. I respected the fact the kids was afraid and kept my dog away from him. I wouldn’t let her go up to a child and scare them!

You had an extreme, frightening, but very rare experience. No wonder you are nervous of dogs. But I didn’t feel at the time under the circumstances that I was in the wrong for not putting my dog on the lead. It’s not like it was anywhere near him. He would have been far closer to the dog if I’d walked past him on the path with her on the lead.

OP posts:
CaptainThe95thRifles · 05/12/2022 20:10

I think all dogs should be on leads unless on private land, or specially enclosed areas.

Many footpaths run across private land, enclosed fields with the PROW accessed by a style / kissing gate or similar. These footpaths come with an integral risk of meeting an off-lead dog on its owner's land, working sheep for example. The owner of that dog is under no obligation to leash their dog to placate a passing child. They are under an obligation to keep it under control, but control does not equal leash.

Unforgettablefire · 05/12/2022 20:11

I'm a dog lover but I'd have put the dog on the lead just out of decency. I'd say you were unreasonable answering back and still having your dog loose. If someone's frightened of dogs young or old you can't just dismiss them with "oh he/she is friendly" that fear is real and it's not your place to decide what's best to conquer it.

Original poster
Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 05/12/2022 20:12

Unforgettablefire · 05/12/2022 20:11

I'm a dog lover but I'd have put the dog on the lead just out of decency. I'd say you were unreasonable answering back and still having your dog loose. If someone's frightened of dogs young or old you can't just dismiss them with "oh he/she is friendly" that fear is real and it's not your place to decide what's best to conquer it.

I took her out of the way if you read the thread. He would have had to get far closer to her on the lead on the path than he did with her playing in the stream off the lead. He walked past absolutely fine and barely noticed her.

OP posts:
FurAndFeathers · 05/12/2022 20:14

Ricco12 · 05/12/2022 20:07

I always put my dog on a lead when I see a child coming. It's reassuring for the parent and in my eyes the polite and correct thing to do.

You are totally in the wrong.

you think anyone who doesn’t behave exactly like you is totally in the wrong?

wow, life must be exhausting for you!

CaptainThe95thRifles · 05/12/2022 20:15

"Answering back"? Good lord, the OP isn't a child. The OP made a relevant comment which could be translated as "my dog isn't aggressive" - a reasonable, reassuring response when followed immediately with "I'll take it over there". What sort of world is it where a grown woman isn't allowed to respond to a statement - not even a polite request - from a man 🙄

FurAndFeathers · 05/12/2022 20:16

Deadringer · 05/12/2022 19:41

to me that's healthier for the kid you don't get to decide what is best for someone else's child. Unless it's a place were leads aren't mandatory your dog should be on a lead.

Did you read the OP? it literally says that off lead walking us usual there.

Unforgettablefire · 05/12/2022 20:16

I did read the thread or I wouldn't have commented.

Don't you just love these Aibu when they argue the toss because people don't give them the answer they feel they deserve.

XenoBitch · 05/12/2022 20:16

Ricco12 · 05/12/2022 20:07

I always put my dog on a lead when I see a child coming. It's reassuring for the parent and in my eyes the polite and correct thing to do.

You are totally in the wrong.

Doing that would pull my dog closer to the child. Far easier to let my dog carry on doing her own thing away from the kid.

SlagathaChristie · 05/12/2022 20:17

The world doesn't revolve around every child's irrational fear. We as parents have to help our kids to co-exist, not demand strangers pander to them. OP kept her dog away from the child, that is enough.

Unforgettablefire · 05/12/2022 20:17

CaptainThe95thRifles · 05/12/2022 20:15

"Answering back"? Good lord, the OP isn't a child. The OP made a relevant comment which could be translated as "my dog isn't aggressive" - a reasonable, reassuring response when followed immediately with "I'll take it over there". What sort of world is it where a grown woman isn't allowed to respond to a statement - not even a polite request - from a man 🙄

Yes. I worded that wrong. Dismissed I should have said.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 05/12/2022 20:17

@Mouk just because you think dogs should be on lead everywhere but a dog park, doesn't make it so.

The op is not unreasonable for having her dog under her control.

FurAndFeathers · 05/12/2022 20:18

Unforgettablefire · 05/12/2022 20:16

I did read the thread or I wouldn't have commented.

Don't you just love these Aibu when they argue the toss because people don't give them the answer they feel they deserve.

You mean as opposed to those posters who think someone ‘can’t’ do something they’ve literally just said that they’ve done?

sageandrosemary · 05/12/2022 20:21

I don't think you WBU if I'm correct in thinking that you recalled your dog before it was anywhere near the child and then entertained your dog away from the child? As long as you were sure that your dog wouldn't run towards the child, I don't see the problem.

PinkFrenchie · 05/12/2022 20:22

I have dogs and would have put them back on the leash so YABU.
Secondly it's not your place to decide if and how and when the child should get over their fear.
Finally, it doesn't matter if no one usually minds. Someone did in this case and their rights trump the right of your dog being off leash.

CaptainThe95thRifles · 05/12/2022 20:22

Unforgettablefire · 05/12/2022 20:17

Yes. I worded that wrong. Dismissed I should have said.

Show quote history

What do you think the OP dismissed?

The man made no specific request - he simply stated that the child was scared.

The OP responded by saying her dog wasn't aggressive but she would take it out of the way. That isn't a dismissal of his statement, it is a verbal and physical response to it.

You might not agree with the OP's risk assessment - whether she should have leashed the dog, or moved more than 5m away - but it's not accurate to say that she dismissed the man's statement, or the child's fear. The man was, of course, at liberty to follow up his vague opening statement with a specific request, but chose to mutter to himself instead.

smileandsing · 05/12/2022 20:23

AllThingsServeTheBeam putting the dog on the lead is responsible dog ownership and shows respect for others. Who would want to exacerbate a child's fear, however irrational? Doesn't mean the dog can't run free when others aren't nearby

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