It’s a dog one. Who was being unreasonable?

[Ohhelpicantthinkofaname]

So, I own a friendly, if slightly mad medium sized dog.

today we were out on a walk and was heading back up a footpath with a stream to the side. Most people have their dogs off the lead along this path, it’s nothing unusual.

so I’m walking up the path and my dog is a little way ahead. A child approx 20+ meters away see my dog, screams and runs back to his mum. The child is probably 7-9 years old. I call my dog back so she’s near me.

A man who was with them and I think a friend rather than the child’s father comes up to me and says “that child is scared of dogs”. I reply “ok, well my dog likes kids, but I’ll take her over here” and walked over to where the stream was a threw her ball in so she would just play and ignore them as they walked by.

the man gave me the filthiest look and mutter some choice things about me under his breath.

to my mind it’s better for a child with a fear of dogs to see a dog at a safe distance minding its own business, rather than me panicking and rushing to put it back on the lead, making it seem like there really is something to fear. My dog has good recall and I trusted her not to cause an issue. Also at that child’s age I would have thought some exposure to dogs to try and address what is clearly quite a serious fear would be a good thing, rather than feeding into it by trying to ensure he doesn’t encounter any dogs.

so was I unreasonable for not putting my dog straight back on the lead, and the man was justified for his glaring and muttered insults. Or is it fine to keep her off the lead, occupied and at a safe distance?

The kid passed by without incident btw. If I though my dogs would have actually done anything she would have been on the lead.

People scared of rides don’t go to theme parks
people scared of horror movies won’t go to a horror movie
people scared heights don’t go to high places
people scared of dogs walk through areas where dogs can go and then complain about it.

I accept that and maybe my comment annoyed him. But I did take the dog away. It was further from the kid than if I’d have just put her on the lead and the kid walked by looking fine and barely noticed my dog as she was down a bank playing in the stream.

but I do think their choice of route wasn’t great if the kid had a real fear. As I say, it’s a popular dog walking route and certainly not the only way to get anywhere.

What are you scared of OP?......

But dogs go pretty much everywhere. I like going on country walks and round here it is impossible to go on a nice walk without encountering dogs off the lead.

Bless you. If you stop frothing for a second you'd realise ops dog was under control.

Sorry OP, but I don't think you should expect people to avoid certain routes. I think you just have to be prepared for some people to be scared of your dog. Maybe they like it there as much as your dog?

Yanbu. They were.

So ignore them. I go for a walk on Hampstead Heath most weekends. I don't have a dog, but anyone can tell you it's dog central, many of them off leads.

I have never, in the 5 years I have been doing so, had an issue with dogs bothering me.

Just go about your business. The vast majority of dogs have no interest in you.

There is no universal lead law. You don't get to dream one up.

A kid came up to my dog and tried to kick her in the face. No rhyme or reason for it apart from shitty parenting.
Control your kid and put it on a lead so dog owners can go about their day.

I feel the same about people who dislike dogs and their children.

@Lockheart that's what I try to do and mostly it works but quite often it doesn't. If is Impossible to ignore the dogs that jump up, rush up snarling or (in one case) dash across my path and trip me up.

YANBU.
Your dog sounds delightfully behaved and you clearly had them under control

No the OP responded saying the dog is friendly but I'll take it over there. That is no more of a dismissal than saying "I'll leash it" would be. A dismissal would be "it's friendly" and not taking any action, or "what's the kid's fear got to do with me?", or even ignoring the man. Those responses would, indeed, be dismissive and unreasonable.

If you feel worse when a dog is loose and further away from you, than you do when it is leashed but on a footpath with you, I simply do not agree with your risk assessment. If you think the OP should have taken her dog away and leashed it, that's fair enough. I mean, I wouldn't do it, because I think "under control" as per the law, and off the track is sufficient, but each to their own.

Perhaps then those people who are so scared of dogs they can’t tolerate them off lead shouldn’t walk on popular off-lead dog walking routes 🤷‍♀️

there are plenty of child-only play parks

Makes a massive difference to who exactly? The dog was under control and no where near the child.

No dog is completely under control if it’s off the lead.

My dog is an angel but due to her large bull breed I know that some people may be afraid of her big size, so I put her on the lead until the people are past.

When you are a dog owner you need to be responsible and part of that is having your dog under control.

If that means putting it on a lead for a couple minutes then that’s what you need to do.

I personally would've put the dog back on the lead, but you moved the dog away, whatever, fine...

But I voted YABU for the aftermath. Commenting "my dog likes kids" as many PP have said is so frustrating. If someone has a fear, they can't help that.

You don't know how long or why this child has a fear so saying you were doing it a favour to help get over it's fear is so unreasonable. If a child was afraid of the dark would u just lock them in a dark room!? No it would traumatise them even more! It wasn't your place to decide how the child should approach their fear!

I think so long as you always call your dog back when you see a child approaching that’s fine. But people don’t always do this, and that’s exactly why my four year old is scared of dogs. Too often some quite large dog has come careering along the footpath, and has charged up to him and started trying to jump up or lick him. The owners follow along saying complacently that the dog is very friendly, but for a small, nervous child that isn’t the point. He hates being licked (quite reasonably) and he’s scared of being knocked over. I now make sure I get between him and any dog I see coming and make loud ‘uh-uh-uh’ sounds to keep the dog back, but i don’t think that helps his fear either. I just wish dog owners would be responsible!

All dogs should be on leads unless in a fenced off area specific for dogs. Lots of people are scared of them because of bad experiences. I am scared of them because owners let them run up to me barking, jump up, stick their noses in my groin, scratch me, get mud on me, wee all over the place. They have knocked my kids over when they were little. One bit my brother and permanently scarred him.
With the notable exception of assistance and working dogs, in this time of climate emergency no one should be getting digs anyway - they are a luxury the planet cannot afford.

I think it is unreasonable to have a dog off a lead in any public place other than a dog run, especially one that could be described as mad in any way! Certainly if you are aware that a child is afraid, you should be ensuring your dog is secured.

OP's dog was nowhere near the child though.. they were minding their own business.

Surely it is better for the parents to show the child that the dog is not a danger, rather than the dog owner call their dog over even closer to the child and cause more distress?

I have an autistic 11yo who is petrified of dogs. It's their unpredictability that he struggles with - he's not scared of being bitten but of being jumped up at, which unfortunately happens a lot. It is a real phobia, and very distressing for him.

We are trying to work on it with him including introducing him to calm dogs in controlled situations. Unfortunately we have had many setbacks as so many dogs we encounter are off lead with no recall and will bound over and jump up at us.

I think you acted reasonably in this scenario you describe. If it had been my child, I would have really appreciated you holding the dog's collar or popping a lead on until we had passed, but I wouldn't have had a go at you if you didn't.

Did you do it with their consent and the consent of their parents? Are you in any way qualified to do that? I would not appreciate any attempts to treat any kind of issue of my child's coming from anyone other than a qualified therapist that I actively engaged.

It is not your decision who is old enough for what. You do not know that child, or their situation, their mental age, their cognitive functioning, whether there has been recent trauma etc. It is completely inappropriate to involve yourself in any way.

I am not a dog owner. I have been in the past, but not since I moved to this area. I know of 3 dog parks/runs off the top of my head. I wonder how many more I could find if I actually looked.

Your personal preference isn’t enforceable though.
others are at liberty to disagree