It’s a dog one. Who was being unreasonable?

[Ohhelpicantthinkofaname]

So, I own a friendly, if slightly mad medium sized dog.

today we were out on a walk and was heading back up a footpath with a stream to the side. Most people have their dogs off the lead along this path, it’s nothing unusual.

so I’m walking up the path and my dog is a little way ahead. A child approx 20+ meters away see my dog, screams and runs back to his mum. The child is probably 7-9 years old. I call my dog back so she’s near me.

A man who was with them and I think a friend rather than the child’s father comes up to me and says “that child is scared of dogs”. I reply “ok, well my dog likes kids, but I’ll take her over here” and walked over to where the stream was a threw her ball in so she would just play and ignore them as they walked by.

the man gave me the filthiest look and mutter some choice things about me under his breath.

to my mind it’s better for a child with a fear of dogs to see a dog at a safe distance minding its own business, rather than me panicking and rushing to put it back on the lead, making it seem like there really is something to fear. My dog has good recall and I trusted her not to cause an issue. Also at that child’s age I would have thought some exposure to dogs to try and address what is clearly quite a serious fear would be a good thing, rather than feeding into it by trying to ensure he doesn’t encounter any dogs.

so was I unreasonable for not putting my dog straight back on the lead, and the man was justified for his glaring and muttered insults. Or is it fine to keep her off the lead, occupied and at a safe distance?

The kid passed by without incident btw. If I though my dogs would have actually done anything she would have been on the lead.

What @Simonjt said in their example is key. Had OP called her dog to her to put on a lead on the narrow path, the scared child would have had to walk incredibly close to the scary dog to go past. What the OP did was remove the dog to a safe distance, it was distracted playing in the stream and child and family was able to continue along narrow path without really even noticing the dog. If child did notice dog it was a positive experience as dog didn't give two shits about child and ignored child. Hopefully next time child encounters a dog it will feel less afraid than this time

Love this reaction 😂

Safest bet is to always put your dog back on the lead if anyone is approaching before being asked. I don't think you were being unreasonable though. If I had a child that was that phobic of dogs I would think twice about where I took them.

The OP makes repeated claims about "safe distance". Unless the OP can outrun the dog (unlikely), then there is no safe distance for an unleashed dog.

You did nothing wrong! Dogs in the 1970’s roamed all over the place - people just let their dog out during the day rather than walking them themselves - I wonder how today’s folk would cope with that?

to me that's healthier for the kid you don't get to decide what is best for someone else's child. Unless it's a place were leads aren't mandatory your dog should be on a lead.

Dog owners can't make their dogs disappear at will, all they can do is ensure they behave and that is exactly what the OP did.

No but they can put their dog on a lead.

Obviously, a dog being on a lead vs off a lead makes a massive difference.

I don't think you technically did anything wrong, but your comment about your dog liking kids was inflammatory and there was no need for that. I also don't believe it was up to you to instigate some sort of mini phobia exposure exercise to 'help' the child with her fear of dogs. That's up to her parents. It would, however, have been considerate of you to show some understanding and temporarily put your dog on a lead.

YANBU
I have had kids scream blue murder when they see my dog... who is far away from them. For me to call her and put her on a lead would bring them right up to the child. Makes no sense.
If you have a kid who is freaking out that bad at something they see in public, then that is something for the parents to address, not dog owners.

When I got my dog at 9 weeks I played videos and cd's of loud noises including fireworks and gradually increased the volume.

It worked and he was not bothered in the slightest until he was 5 and I was walking him about 2pm so not even slightly dark and some selfish prick let off one of the stupid fireworks that sounds like a bomb exploding as we walked past their garden.

My dog was terrified and I had a job holding onto his lead as he wanted to run away.

As much as I have tried I have not being able to get him over the fear he now has.

So just keep your stupid comments to yourself. Plenty of people do use training and desensitization on their pets. Doesn't seem like many parents try to do the same for their darling little offspring

Probably not well and that’s not a bad thing. Who would want dogs roaming and making mess?

You can't reason with a dog. You will never be able to sit them down and explain that fireworks are not a danger to them. You can with kids (after a certain age).

Makes a massive difference to who exactly? The dog was under control and no where near the child.

I don't think your behaviour was unreasonable, putting it on the lead though is probably better. Deciding the parents should be addressing that fear when you have no idea what caused it or what they're doing to address it is completely unreasonable.

My DC are scared of other dogs despite having our own. We've had way to many encounters with entitled dog owners who won't even recall their dog when it's jumping on my screaming DC. I've also had my dress ripped and my legs scratched by a dog jumping on me that the owners did nothing about. There's a reason people get fed up of this sort of thing.

It really isn’t up to you to decide how and when parents get their kids used to dogs. You don’t know the history. You don’t know if the child is neurotypical.
in my mind this is exactly what is wrong with a lot of dog owners (not all!)…
I’m afraid of dogs/ I don’t want your dog to jump on me and slobber.
Oh, don’t worry, he’s friendly. It’s a great opportunity for you to face your fear. Look, I’m forcing you to have this opportunity to get friendly with my dog…

i get why you think your dog isn’t the problem… but they don’t know your dog from Adam…

@eyeslikebutterflies there are indeed do g parks in the UK. A growing number of them. For dogs. Off lead dogs. Only dogs.

But that isn't the same as taking a dog for a walk, socialising it, letting it poddle around reading various peemails.

if my child was so cripplingly afraid of dogs, I would be working on that fear

100% support that.

Nothing happened OP. It was a non-issue. (except in their heads & you don't get to control that)

I think on this situation, I would have put my dog on a lead to reassure the little girl that the dog couldn't get to her until they were a safe distance away. You are right in the sense that parents should be trying to help her overcome her fear. Maybe they are. Maybe trying to get her to make friends with a medium dog that's a bit excitable was a step too far.

You were being unreasonable, you should have put your dog on a lead.
But I do think parents have a responsibility to ensure their kids are able to cope with everyday life experiences such as encountering a dog while out walking, it's ridiculous that so many are conditioned to find dogs terrifying.

I have issues with owners who allow their dogs to run up to mine shouting 'don't worry, he's friendly!' Well mine are not so friendly and I'd prefer you respected that and put yours on a lead.

Oh dear. I haven't even read your OP and I know how this is going to go. Dogs are HATED on MN

A massive difference to who? The dog didn't do anything. What difference would it make if it was doing nothing on a lead vs doing nothing not on a lead except the dog couldn't play?

Again the dog did nothing. The ops responsibility is to keep the dog under control and away from people and the op did that.

don’t get me wrong. I didn’t think to myself, “oh this kids needs some exposure to a dog so I will take that upon myself to do”.

but on reflection it just seems the better thing to do and healthier for that kids fear. The dog was away from the kid. He passed by barely noticing it. If I had put her on the lead and stayed on the path the kid would have had to get far closer and been more afraid. But apparently that’s preferable on mumsnet. This was the kid walked past an off lead dog without fear. Surely that’s better? Surely?

You sound absolutely unhinged.

But none of these things happened in this scenario did they? OP recalled her dog, moved him away and the child passed without incident. She didn't allow her dog to approach or jump at anyone and acted reasonably in the circumstances.

Why? The op moved away. There was no need for the lead the dog was under control