It’s a dog one. Who was being unreasonable?

[Ohhelpicantthinkofaname]

So, I own a friendly, if slightly mad medium sized dog.

today we were out on a walk and was heading back up a footpath with a stream to the side. Most people have their dogs off the lead along this path, it’s nothing unusual.

so I’m walking up the path and my dog is a little way ahead. A child approx 20+ meters away see my dog, screams and runs back to his mum. The child is probably 7-9 years old. I call my dog back so she’s near me.

A man who was with them and I think a friend rather than the child’s father comes up to me and says “that child is scared of dogs”. I reply “ok, well my dog likes kids, but I’ll take her over here” and walked over to where the stream was a threw her ball in so she would just play and ignore them as they walked by.

the man gave me the filthiest look and mutter some choice things about me under his breath.

to my mind it’s better for a child with a fear of dogs to see a dog at a safe distance minding its own business, rather than me panicking and rushing to put it back on the lead, making it seem like there really is something to fear. My dog has good recall and I trusted her not to cause an issue. Also at that child’s age I would have thought some exposure to dogs to try and address what is clearly quite a serious fear would be a good thing, rather than feeding into it by trying to ensure he doesn’t encounter any dogs.

so was I unreasonable for not putting my dog straight back on the lead, and the man was justified for his glaring and muttered insults. Or is it fine to keep her off the lead, occupied and at a safe distance?

The kid passed by without incident btw. If I though my dogs would have actually done anything she would have been on the lead.

YANBU OP, and the man was incredibly rude.
Perhaps on future outings he should ensure his child is wrapped in a thick layer of cotton wool.

OP has said she walked off with the dog over to a stream, ie not on the path. HTH.

This.

I have a child who is terrified of dogs too.
You should have put your dog on a lead. It is much more frightening to DD for a dog to be further away and off lead than closer and on a lead. This is because there have been a couple of occasions where a dog has ran after her and knocked her over. A child does not know that your dog has perfect recall. They could go from the stream to them in a matter of seconds. The lead shows the frightened child that the dog is under control.

Exactly this!

And I love your username 😍

This is all you need to know OP.

It’s a simple thing to put your dog on the lead and shows consideration for a frightened child. I’m sure you considered whether to put your dog on lead or go over to the stream, but you thought, “It’s better for this child to learn not to be afraid of dogs”, as you have mentioned several times. That is not your decision, you are projecting.

I have a dog that is old, nearly toothless and can barely muster up a slow trot. When we walk on a similar path (most dogs off lead, stream to one side), if I see any sign that someone feels uncomfortable or if I see an approaching dog on lead, I call mine to put his lead on. Sometimes I am told that I don’t need to, which I appreciate. As a result, we all have a pleasant walk, we exchange hellos and a bit of friendly chat, and there are no insults, muttered comments, or the need to post on AIBU.

You were 20 metres away and your did didn't approach the child, so absolutely no need to put your dog on a lead. If your dog was bounding up to the kid or whatever then of course you should put it on the lead, but it apparently wasn't doing that and wasn't even near the child in question. People are entitled to ask you to put your dog on a lead if it's approaching them or bothering their own dog, but not simply for existing within their child's line of sight.

The parents are also making the child's fear a lot worse by legitimising it.

I am an adult an have never been able to just get over my fear of dogs. I am alright with dogs that I know usually. There are people who I would never again visit though because I hate being jumped up on and owners just laugh and say the dog is harmless.
Next time you come across someone afraid of dogs you don’t get to decide that they should just get over their fear. Telling people your dogs likes kids never helps. It’s very difficult to find places to walk comfortably if you have a fear of dogs and it’s gotten noticeably worse since covid.

Are you meant to have your dog on the lead in that area? If so put it on the lead.

YABVU, put your dog on a lead.

They can report you for having a dog that's classed as out of control.

www.gov.uk/control-dog-public

How is a recalled dog, with its owner "out of control"???

🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪

Ah stop. Ffs imagine. A lady walked past me with her dog that completely ignored me but I was scared 😭😭

Whammyyammy no they can't. For a dog to be classed as dangerously out of control under the clause relating to making a person worried the animal may injure them there is both a standard of evidence required, and then a level of common sense applied to the case.

The fanily here would need to provide corroborated evidence that there were "grounds for reasonable apprehension that it will injure any person". Being off leash in itself is both (a) legal as long as there is no PSPO in place (b) not a behavioural indication for likelihood of harm or aggression. Added to that the dog didn't approach the child, recalled when prompted and moved to a further distance all would mean anyone reporting the OP in this instance would rightfully be dismissed.

Don't be that idiot claiming this scenario describes a dangerous or out of control dog.

Amazed at the number of people who comment at length, having not read the original post!

The dog was under control. Have a day off

This!!

Also amazed at the number of people who comment about an OP based not on what they've just read, but on their hang-ups from something that happened to them years ago with another person/dog.

Eh?? How on earth was OP’s dog out of control?

Yeah but that's probably why he got a bit funny with you.

@alasangne he pissed OP off first with his comment, not the other way around.

Not amazed at all. It's par for the course on an AIBU thread posted by a dog owner. There are always some posters who tie themselves in knots to make the OP seem unreasonable.

In this case, the OP wasn’t at all unreasonable, except maybe in what she said about her dog liking kids. (Which she herself acknowledges.) Her actions, though, were very responsible IMO, in keeping her dog well under control and well away from the child.

YABU. I’m a dog owner. I also totally understand that despite my dogs being very well trained, I need to have them on leads when children are about. Children and dogs can be unpredictable if the child starts to scream or run. I learnt my lesson when I saw a small child run away into a road when she saw a passerby and dog off leash. The dog wasn’t charging for her, but she got scared when she realised it wasn’t on a lead. The child doesn’t know the dog, so won’t feel safe unless on a lead. Doesn’t matter how confident the owner of the dog is.

Also, bit confused by your comment “ child was of an age where they start to play alone outside?” My children of various ages only play outside alone if they are in the garden which is secured. I’m sure there are other parents that don’t allow their DC to play alone in areas where there are dogs off leads. It also sounds like you are saying all children must be taught to not fear dogs. I don’t think this is for you to decide and it also isn’t very sensible as some dogs aren’t necessarily as good as yours and I wouldn’t want children to think all dogs are to not be feared and won’t bite, as that is not always the case.

To me that seems healthier for the kid to see than putting the dog back on the lead and making it seem like something to fear

Yep, not your kid and arrogant and patronising of you to think you know what's best for the child over their parents.

The world doesn't revolve around every child's irrational fear.

God, another one blaming the child for being scared. Fgs no it is NOT an irrational fear. I was bitten by a random dog as a child, I have had my own 6 month old baby attacked when minding his own business sitting in a pram at a playarea, and I have seen a dog race straight into a little toddler (not mine) at forest school and knock her literally off her feet - I watched her go through the air. And people are arrogant enough to say that fear of dogs is irrational? No. The only irrational people around here are the ones who can't understand why people might not want dogs near them off-lead. Thanks to the dog owners who are polite and respectful and put their dogs on leads when they see people around, especially kids. To those only you who persist in thinking that you are not the problem, and that the issue is with these 'irrational' fears, I hope your child is never attacked by a dog when out and about. If they were, you would understand.

I also can't believe the people who are blaming those who are afraid of dogs for going where dogs go. Idiots. Dogs are everywhere! Do you have any idea how hard it is to avoid dogs? There was even a dog at my local garden centre santa christmas wonderland walk the other day, yapping at everyone (thankfully on a lead). I even saw a dog in sainsburys the other day. Dogs are in every park I've been to, as well as a number of national trust properties (though thankfully not all, and they are supposed to be on leads, so we take the kids to those places a lot). It is really hard to avoid dogs. What also really irritates me is when dogs go to suppisedly dog-free places, like beaches where dogs aren't supposed to be there, or a local lake where dogs aren't allowed. Even when you actively try to avoid dogs, it seems impossible. There was even a mumsnet thread on here last week by a woman taking her dog into a children's playground for goodness sake!

If you're so het up about trying to avoid dogs, have you considered the fact the problem is your sensibilities, as opposed to the dogs for just, you know..... existing.

If your fear dictates everything about where you go, you really need to seek help.