It’s a dog one. Who was being unreasonable?

[Ohhelpicantthinkofaname]

So, I own a friendly, if slightly mad medium sized dog.

today we were out on a walk and was heading back up a footpath with a stream to the side. Most people have their dogs off the lead along this path, it’s nothing unusual.

so I’m walking up the path and my dog is a little way ahead. A child approx 20+ meters away see my dog, screams and runs back to his mum. The child is probably 7-9 years old. I call my dog back so she’s near me.

A man who was with them and I think a friend rather than the child’s father comes up to me and says “that child is scared of dogs”. I reply “ok, well my dog likes kids, but I’ll take her over here” and walked over to where the stream was a threw her ball in so she would just play and ignore them as they walked by.

the man gave me the filthiest look and mutter some choice things about me under his breath.

to my mind it’s better for a child with a fear of dogs to see a dog at a safe distance minding its own business, rather than me panicking and rushing to put it back on the lead, making it seem like there really is something to fear. My dog has good recall and I trusted her not to cause an issue. Also at that child’s age I would have thought some exposure to dogs to try and address what is clearly quite a serious fear would be a good thing, rather than feeding into it by trying to ensure he doesn’t encounter any dogs.

so was I unreasonable for not putting my dog straight back on the lead, and the man was justified for his glaring and muttered insults. Or is it fine to keep her off the lead, occupied and at a safe distance?

The kid passed by without incident btw. If I though my dogs would have actually done anything she would have been on the lead.

I know of some. But I don't drive, so my dog goes to the local park.

Bit like kids really!

Also, owners who say their dog likes kids are usually getting ready to reframe their dog making a rush at someone else's child and children know this. It happens all the time.

Yes i did read it. Op said its usual for dogs to be off lead, but she didn't say it was allowed. Lots of people walk their dogs off lead around where I live, despite it being a strictly lead on area. It's very fucking annoying.

As I said in my opening, I think as long as the OP is always prepared to call her dog back when she sees a child approaching that’s fine. If her dog would always ignore a child even that might not be necessary, but she comments that her dog likes children so this seems improbable. To be clear, it sounds like what she did this time was fine, and the man OP encountered was very rude. I’m just commenting that it is important that dog owners take the initiative in ensuring that their animals don’t approach potentially nervous children. What is best for nervous kids, and I am extremely grateful to the kind hearted and patient dog walkers I meet who do this, is when an owner brings a nice, calm dog who is reliably non-licky carefully over so I can make a big fuss of the dog and encourage my son to give him or her a stroke. He gains confidence every time this happens. I’m really not against dogs — would love to have one in the future — but we’ve had some very frustrating encounters in the last year or so.

This is true, I hear "my dog likes kids" and automatically translate that as "my dog is going to approach your child, and I think that's just lovely". It's just a phrase so commonly used by idiot owners.

I think "good with children" sounds a little better, but tbh I just wouldn't have commented on it at all and just said "I will make sure he stays well away from you".

My dog tolerates kids. If one wants to pet her, with prior permission, then all is good. She loves the fuss, and the kid gets a good going over with her sniffer.

Sadly, I have had more parents insist their kids like dogs, so send them over without checking with me first, than my dog going over to kids (she never does).

If you can demonstrate that there are dogs out there who can be recalled and contained when their owner decides to (and that requires a leash for a child as they will probably perceive your dog in a stream as 'it's distracted but it still could look my way and rush') you will be making a dent in the endless distress caused to children everywhere by dog owners who think their dogs should be allowed to rush at children.

I can see that you just don't understand and your decision is coming from a place of non comprehension. To you it's just one incident with a dog under your control and no child at risk. You have to contextualise this. For every owner like you there are more whose dogs have an 'ooops' moment (it's just because he's excitable) or plain don't care. It's a rare sight for a child to see a dog running free that can be called and visibly restrained. Dogs are stronger than young children and almost as big. You might feel differently about this incident if you didn't know your dog, were only a quarter larger than it and had just encountered three others who did as they pleased, plus you probably have the memory of the one who knocked you over.

My dog is as good as yours so I get it but having a traumatised child has taught me a great deal. It's relentless. The place for a child in this position to see a dog running free is with someone they know and a dog they've met before. Otherwise all they can think is about how fast it can go. You are not going to change that in one encounter. The recall to leash is the thing that would have helped my child and it's not too much to ask. It takes five seconds and is no hardship for a dog. If you're going to argue that this is the only place your dog gets to run free and it must not be interrupted then I would direct you to the nearest dog park as they do need that space, just not at the cost of others. It would be different if you were the only dog that child met but this happens every five minutes and can really dominate a child's exercise time which is so unhelpful.

Of course, but this is AIBU and so I am giving my response.

Yes, parents can be silly too. It's also a problem.

I’m not aware of anywhere in the UK where it’s required to have your dog on a lead (and I’ve lived in a fair few places)

that’s pretty unusual.

I don’t think it’s that unusual, I’ve seen plenty of parks that have signs for dogs to be on a lead.

*However, there are a series of orders that mean you have to leash your dog in certain places in your local area, for example children’s play areas, sports pitches, roads, parks and beaches.

Many local authorities have introduced Public Spaces Protection Orders over the last couple of years to restrict dogs to being walked on lead (or excluded from the area entirely) in certain public spaces*

This is from the blue cross.

Why is this so hard for people to understand? You have a problem with badly behaved dogs so blame the owners of THOSE dogs. Stop blaming ALL dog owners.

On MN, all dogs are awful beings that deserve to be PTS because they gave a fleeting glance at a child and made them nervous.

YABU

Why make a point of not putting your dog on a lead when the girl was clearly uncomfortable?

Another typical fucking dog owner that can't get it into their head that people don't want their dog running around them. Just be responsible and put it on a lead!

There's a lot of parents i don't much like, can we have them pts? Some children make me nervous as well, so maybe.........no, of course not. Just the parents.

You are wrong to make assumptions about what was best for the child. Perhaps the child was venturing into that area for the first time trying to adjust to seeing dogs off the pavement and was taking a really brave first step. Perhaps they were just recovering from a dog bite. They are not your child (who I’m sure faces some struggles too from time to time) and you do not have the information necessary to make decisions regarding the optimal way forward as regards their welfare.

I’m not a fan of dogs and being told they are friendly or like me etc tends to just translate in my head to I can’t stop my dog jumping, climbing, scratching etc. This might not be the case for your dog but it often is.

A couple of years ago we moved back to my home county. I love being able to enjoy the parks and the countryside knowing that dogs are on leads unless they are in dog areas. I had learnt to tolerate dogs running everywhere and it wasn’t something I factored in or thought about at all when we relocated but it is something I have come to really appreciate.

Running around them???? You just made that bit up yourself. Did you not read the OP ?

We don't have dedicated dog parks that are free to use for all and sundry in the UK. We do have private hire fields, depending on where you live.

Dog parks as per the US model are absolutely bloody awful places where dogs are bullied, learn to fight, learn inappropriate anti-social skills and I recommend owners avoid them like the fucking plague unless they are HUGE, separate out big dogs from small dogs, and ban shock/prong collars, and offer a varied terrain and landscape (rather than a barren square of dirt). They cause SO many behaviour problems in the US.

We have shared spaces where dogs can be off lead if they're under control, which the OP's dog was, and we have kid only spaces on small parks for children to play in, free from the risk of dog poo and fenced so toddlers cannot do a disappearing act.

Dogs can go off lead on any public footpath, or public space, with the exception of particular roads designated under the control of dogs act 198something, or where there is a control order in place or its signposted, or where they may worry livestock.

I have a six-inch scar from a dog bite. That was an allegedly friendly dog that had never bitten before. So you know what? I think dogs should be kept on leads in public places. You have to remember that a dog looks a lot bigger to a small child than it does to an adult.

It’s not irrational though. Several people on this thread have stories of being bitten. Several of having their kids knocked over and jumped on. I’d like to avoid that.

I have a ds who is phobic of dogs.. Has had cbt due to the level of anxiety.

The problem is i have had so many people say oh he is just saying hello, he's friendly, dogs then reacting to my ds's scream, jumping up at him... so nothing you say makes me have any faith your dog won't distress my dc..

Are your comprehension skills always this bad? She didn’t say this dog did run around them. She said she doesn’t want a dog running around them - in general.

Where is this magical county?!