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Original poster

To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

1000 replies

Jessiejuju · 05/12/2022 09:17

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

OP posts:
America12 · 05/12/2022 10:06

OwwwMuuuum · 05/12/2022 09:52

You have kids so you win Christmas. I can’t believe anyone upthread really would be selfish enough to think anything otherwise. If you don’t have kids, you don’t get priority on Xmas annual leave in my book.

Absolutely not.

Honeyroar · 05/12/2022 10:07

Redglitter · 05/12/2022 09:55

Thank goodness your book doesn't count.

Thankfully management at my work appreciate that those of us without children still have families they want to spend Christmas with & everyone is treated the same

Show quote history

I think the post you quoted was meant to be sarcastic? (Although I had a lot of colleagues in my last job who had children and believed that was true!)

It sounds a big mess. Your manager has handled it really badly, and if anyone needs a disciplinary it might be them, but you didn’t book the leave in April, it wasn’t granted, so you shouldn’t assume it was time off and should have kept on at your manager to decide much earlier on.

Will your son’s dad be able to have him for a few hours? If not could your mum stay awake? I expect she’s planning on sleeping a few hours then getting up for Xmas day/meals.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 05/12/2022 10:07

OwwwMuuuum · 05/12/2022 09:52

You have kids so you win Christmas. I can’t believe anyone upthread really would be selfish enough to think anything otherwise. If you don’t have kids, you don’t get priority on Xmas annual leave in my book.

Luckily most places don't think like that. Being a parent doesn't trump anyones Christmas request. Single or childless people still have family they may want to see or things they may want to do.
OP booked the full two weeks off and her colleague has only booked one day, it's quite selfish to take up the full 2 weeks expecting the colleague not to have time off.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/12/2022 10:07

MajorCarolDanvers · 05/12/2022 10:02

I think keep digging your heels in is the way to go. And accept the disciplinary if it comes to it.

Would the cost of childcare be more than the lost wages for that day if they deduct it for you taking an unauthorised absence?

If you are otherwise good at your job you will not get dismissed as recruitment is a complete nightmare.

Thing is how many experienced with autism, CRB checked cos it's a stranger, adults are going to be willing to work 4-5 hours on Xmas morning and live within a reasonable distance?

DameHelena · 05/12/2022 10:07

Well, you can't expect to automatically take precedence because you have a child. But I don't think that's actually the point here. I'm not sure I understand the process: was your holiday accepted back in April? Who does the accepting? Was the Xmas Day shift looked at and not accepted back then? If so, why didn't you query it? Is there a policy on who does the accepting/what happens if people want the same time off?

senior30 · 05/12/2022 10:07

You have a full two weeks off over Christmas and you expect a colleague to change her one shift off? YABVU, sorry OP but you’re wrong for this

Seaweed42 · 05/12/2022 10:07

Could you split the shift between you? She comes for 7-8.30. Then you come in 8.30 to 10? If your Mother can take him then.
Could your son go into work with you that day?
Just because you have kids doesn't mean the other colleague 'should' or 'ought' to do it. If there's only two of you to cover Christmas Day it'd have to be alternative years.

rwalker · 05/12/2022 10:07

HattyBatty · 05/12/2022 09:50

Of course Christmas morning for a 4 year old is more important than a childless woman. It won’t be affecting her plans at all. The other colleague should be ashamed of herself. Your manager is pathetic too, this should’ve been sorted in April. Thankfully there are plenty of care jobs so don’t worry about finding more work.

Somebody’s else child is not the childless persons problem
manny years ago before kids at work 2 of us were called into office and presented with a year planner all school holidays and Christmas blacked out as they were for people with kids
fucked it off and booked what I wanted the pressure and shit we got from other people was uncomfortable
your personal circumstances can’t dictate another colleagues holidays

Herroyal · 05/12/2022 10:08

Flip a coin. 50/50 you’ll win the toss then the other colleague will have to deal withbit

Naunet · 05/12/2022 10:08

HattyBatty · 05/12/2022 09:50

Of course Christmas morning for a 4 year old is more important than a childless woman. It won’t be affecting her plans at all. The other colleague should be ashamed of herself. Your manager is pathetic too, this should’ve been sorted in April. Thankfully there are plenty of care jobs so don’t worry about finding more work.

This sort of entitled attitude really fucks me off, you’re not more entitled to certain days off just because of your life choices, it’s completely irrelevant to your colleagues, no one owes you just because you decided to have kids. If someone approached me with this attitude, there isn’t a cat in hells chance I’d give up my day off. If OP however approached me and asked very nicely, explaining her situation, I probably would as a favour.

Ultimately though this comes down to extremely bad management, that’s where the blame really sits.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 05/12/2022 10:08

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 05/12/2022 10:07

Luckily most places don't think like that. Being a parent doesn't trump anyones Christmas request. Single or childless people still have family they may want to see or things they may want to do.
OP booked the full two weeks off and her colleague has only booked one day, it's quite selfish to take up the full 2 weeks expecting the colleague not to have time off.

Show quote history

OP did book the full 2 weeks off and it was approved with the exception of Christmas Day.

The other person may well have plans that can't be changed so it's unfair to be annoyed with her, it's your management's fuck up that has caused this

Wheredoallthepensgo · 05/12/2022 10:08

Your manager is shit, really shit and it's their problem to solve. You booked the time off and it was approved, they can't go back on this now with 3 weeks to go!

KevinsChilli · 05/12/2022 10:09

Just tell your manager you can't come into work that day as have no childcare, and it's there problem to sort. Your colleague is nothing to do with this, it's for your manager to sort.

MadeForThis · 05/12/2022 10:09

When did you know that your request for leave was declined for Christmas Day?

If you have known for months then you have known that you are expected to work.

You could have made arrangements.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 05/12/2022 10:09

Wheredoallthepensgo · 05/12/2022 10:08

Your manager is shit, really shit and it's their problem to solve. You booked the time off and it was approved, they can't go back on this now with 3 weeks to go!

Christmas Day was not approved.

JustLurkingAway · 05/12/2022 10:09

Either way, it's not your colleagues fault and imo yours either, it's down to your management to sort it

chipsandpeas · 05/12/2022 10:09

Wheredoallthepensgo · 05/12/2022 10:08

Your manager is shit, really shit and it's their problem to solve. You booked the time off and it was approved, they can't go back on this now with 3 weeks to go!

xmas day WASNT approved

EL8888 · 05/12/2022 10:09

DCwow · 05/12/2022 09:20

Oh yeah I forgot! If you don’t have children then Christmas and family means absolutely nothing to you!

Well, obviously. Colleague is a 3rd class citizen as she has no children. I can tell Christmas is approaching: some people with children acting like they own all the days off and saying people with no children don’t “need” the time off. Never mind they might have elderly or unwell family members or might be tired so need some time off

Kinneddar · 05/12/2022 10:09

OwwwMuuuum · 05/12/2022 09:52

You have kids so you win Christmas. I can’t believe anyone upthread really would be selfish enough to think anything otherwise. If you don’t have kids, you don’t get priority on Xmas annual leave in my book.

Do you work in a job that requires you to work Christmas Day?

TrashyPanda · 05/12/2022 10:10

Flapjackquack · 05/12/2022 10:02

Was it though or did the ineffectual boss say oh I’ll have to let you know closer to the time? There is my assumption to go with the ones others are making.

Show quote history

Okay - let’s put it another way

Leave for Xmas day was not granted

leave for all the other days was granted.

that was a huge heads up that

Xmas day was problematic,

xmas day leave was not being granted

back in April, when was over 7 months to find a solution,

MillyMollyManky · 05/12/2022 10:10

Your manager needs to sort this out, not you. But no, you can't expect your colleague to work on Christmas Day just because she doesn't have kids.

monsteronahill · 05/12/2022 10:11

In your colleagues position if my leave for one day was approved, and yours wasn't as you'd requested same day but later on - I wouldn't swap with you, not if you'd got two weeks over Christmas. It's not your colleagues job to be involved in this in any way.

It's absolutely shitty of your manager to get you to "sort it between yourselves" - your colleague shouldn't be put in this position, you've requested and had two weeks apart from one day approved 8 months ago. It's between you and your manager to sort it - I'm more shocked in the last 8 months you haven't sorted it!!

Original poster
Jessiejuju · 05/12/2022 10:11

When I booked Xmas day in April we were all told that holidays for Xmas day would be evaluated in November and assigned on a needs basis so I very wrongfully assumed that I would have it off as I have informed work about my home situation. I have asked my mum if she can find cover for more days so that I can over to work more but she also works in care and is facing similar problems where she works.

OP posts:
ImAvingOops · 05/12/2022 10:12

I do understand the colleague not giving up her one day off, but where a person really cannot get childcare then the manager has to hire agency staff to cover or do the shift themselves.
OP, I know you've had no contact with your child's dad, but where are his parents/siblings. Could they help you?

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