To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

‘Somebody’s else child is not the childless persons problem’

This is true. In my 20s I had a colleague who would block out all school hols, Xmas, Easter etc leaving the rest of us to cover.
Despite the fact she lived with a partner and next door to her parents she always got first dibs.

I was away from home though, and to get back at Xmas needed at minimum of a few days. My family and seeing them was no less important to me than her spending time with her kid. Particularly as I only got to go home a few times a year.

now Inhave kids I would never expect my time off request to trump someone else’s.

Well, obviously. Colleague is a 3rd class citizen as she has no children. I can tell Christmas is approaching: some people with children acting like they own all the days off and saying people with no children don’t “need” the time off. Never mind they might have elderly or unwell family members or might be tired so need some time off

Agree @EL888 But regardless of what else the other colleague has going on in their life, someone else's childcare is not their concern or problem. Harsh as that sounds, it's true. I don't expect my colleagues to sort my childcare issues out or make allowances for me because my need might be greater than theirs (on paper).

OP has had time to prepare for this.

OP did book the full 2 weeks off and it was approved with the exception of Christmas Day.

Which is why I'm wondering why OP didn't ask before now for colleague to swap. No one knows colleagues home life and if they have people they need to see/partner has to work others days etc. OP should have sorted this sooner for the sake of her child.

Did your colleague have it off last year?

Yes, I’m a SAHM and will be hosting a houseful over Xmas.

You work in care? The industry begging for staff? Quit without a second thought. This is your managers problem to solve, s/he’s tried to pass it on to the employees, decline, pass it back. Childfree peoples lives are just as important as people who chose to have a kid, and her private life is no ones business.

Haven’t read the full thread but I have read all of OPs posts.

To be honest if you have every other day in the holiday period off and she doesn’t then you should be the one to work Christmas. It’s not fair to expect her to miss out because you have children and have to sort childcare.

In her position I would probably suck it up and work if you kept insisting - but she shouldn’t have to and it would be unfair when you have the rest of the two weeks off.

IME the days like this are left to the last minute so that the childless person feels live they ‘have’ to swap under pressure.

This was my experience covering shifts at the start of my career. I’ve never forgotten it; I manage rotas now, and children are not a factor in who has days off. Not getting cover for kids and letting work know last minute, then hoping this would be a reason to get out of shifts, and leaning on the childless to step in and was common. It’s emotional blackmail.

Yes, I’m a SAHM and will be hosting a houseful over Xmas.

Not the same thing as an actual job. Working parents and other adults will be doing the same thing on Christmas Day.

It wouldn't be anything like ideal but since there doesn't seem to be a solution that works, could you take ds along as an absolute one off?

I wouldn't quit, I'd join a Union as advised upthread and I'd fight the disciplinary. Your manager needed to sort this before November and clearly hasn't taken need into account. I think agency staff is his best solution to this.

His mum has sciatica and so can't cope with him as he has physical needs such as still being in nappies. I do feel horrid asking her and like stated I have worked Xmas day in the past it's just unfortunate that I have no other options for childcare.

Not the same thing as an actual job

Oh here we go

Yes - that was costly mistake to assume that.

You already have every other day off, so you expected your colleague to be given zero days off?

If that's the only day she has requested, then of course she will be granted it. It would be very unfair of your manager otherwise.

That means they were going to evaluate the staff needs for providing care on Christmas Day, surely though?

Not that they are going to assign holiday based on the needs of care workers.

Your colleagues personal circumstances or Xmas plans are irrelevant, the simple fact is your colleague got in there first months ago. It is not up to your manager to decide whose family plans on Christmas day are more worthy. Asking your colleague to change their plans 3 weeks before Xmas is unreasonable, you have known since April you needed to sort something out.

Really hope you manage to resolve the issue, but it is not your colleagues or your managers responsibility to fix this for you.

What has you being a SAHM and hosting Christmas got to do with anything?! Not the same thing at all

I’m glad you think you know all about my life and the responsibilities I have, it must be lovely for you to be so omniscient.

The levels of judgement and entitlement on this thread are off the chart!

OP ignore the people giving you a hard time. You're in an impossible situation. You'll just have to say you can't do it and accept the disciplinary (if it comes to that, which I doubt). You've explored every other option and you're not going to be able to get suitable childcare on Christmas Day. There's nothing else you can do.

Of course it’s the manager’s job!

Believing children are just a lifestyle choice is what annoys parents. We are bringing up the future tax payers, the people who will be in the jobs that keep the country running that you will no longer able to do when you are old. Parents do need to have rights like parental leave, like maternity rights, they are not 'entitlement' they are fair and just and have been fought for over the years- stop the anti- children rhetoric eroding those, it is insidious! Children also have rights i think you'll find!!

It clearly isn't as much of an issue to the colleague though as they don't have to arrange care for a disabled child from 6am on Christmas Day. It's not about the day 'meaning more'.

I don't know why you're getting such a hard time OP. The people that read your posts can see it's not about Christmas magic with the kids. If you don't normally work weekends, how could your management or colleague think that the one Sunday you might be able to work is Christmas Day?

Is the no weekend work agreement in writing?

If not, I would take a disciplinary.

I'm really sorry you're in this situation.

I’m glad you think you know all about my life and the responsibilities I have, it must be lovely for you to be so omniscient.

But it's not. It's not like having a job you have to get time off from. You're a SAHM.

I honestly cannot believe the responses on this thread to someone who is in an impossible situation, who is a single mum trying to hold down a job with an autistic, non verbal son who's father has left without any contact and who won't even know that is Christmas. She is now facing a disciplinary because she has no one to look after her son with complex needs. All for a three hour shift on Christmas day where her colleague could still have the majority of her Christmas day and then also boxing day in return. I honestly cannot believe that people are making this an issue that people without children have just as much right to Christmas day rather than helping out someone in desperate need. Your colleague is being incredibly selfish.