To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

So Xmas day was actually refused back in April.

Don't quit.

Tell your manager you need to take unpaid parental leave as you have no care for your 4 yo. You will categorically not be able to attend work abd you will have to take the consequences.

He has time to look into getting cover from another colleague or bank cover etc.

If the colleague is usually reasonable, then I think the issue is that OP requested the full two weeks at Christmas without any pre discussion.

The fact that she's now able to work on Boxing Day means she could have proposed a fairer agreement to colleague at the time, rather than expecting her to do all of it.

Can you offer up another day or two OP see if that changes her mind?

I think keep digging your heels in is the way to go. And accept the disciplinary if it comes to it.

Would the cost of childcare be more than the lost wages for that day if they deduct it for you taking an unauthorised absence?

If you are otherwise good at your job you will not get dismissed as recruitment is a complete nightmare.

Sorry, I thought she'd just found out that the day wasn't approved

Was it though or did the ineffectual boss say oh I’ll have to let you know closer to the time? There is my assumption to go with the ones others are making.

Why should everyone be treated all the same g doesn't make any sense of course context s important, if someone had a dying relative for example and it was their last Christmas but I just had a dinner to attend that I could still attend anyway id think that I would do the rough thing. Op, some people are just so selfish! She has a dependent young child that does trump her colleague!

Selfish of you to assume that you have the monopoly on Christmas because you have no childcare for your young autistic child and she doesn't have care needs

Fixed it for you. Still selfish?

Not my reading of it - sounds like neither had it approved (because the manager has been ineffective). Sorting it between themselves has failed and the manager has decided to decline the OP's request given how much other leave she has.

It's a shit situation so late in the day.

www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants/whats-an-emergency

People need to read the OP's post before posting and there really is no Christmas spirit on this thread. So for those too lazy to read the OP's posts:

She asked for it months ago on the same day as the other lady.
She has a family friendly working arrangement that she does not work weekends.
She worked last year Christmas day and boxing day.
She's offered to work the other ladies boxing day to make up for it.

I suspect it's bloody impossible to get paid childcare on Christmas day for only 3 hours.

OP I'd help you in this situation, think it's bloody awful that nobody at your workplace has offered. Your manager is shit! If I was your manager I'd even cover your shift for hours. People wonder why single mum's end up on benefits for so long with this shitty attitude.

I'd speak to them and say that you have no chance of getting childcare and because of this situation you will need to hand your notice in. Good care workers are like gold dust at the moment and so your boss would be stupid to let you go. I hope you find a solution.

Right not 'rough' thing

I'm sorry but your employers should not be putting this on you. You cannot work Xmas day, end of story. It is up to them to arrange cover, they have plenty of time. What your colleague can or cannot do is not your business. Firms are crying out for workers at the moment. Do not let them bully you and cause bad blood between you and your coworker.

Take the disciplinary, your son is more important

I still think her chance of getting paid childcare for a non verbal autistic child on Christmas Day are zero though, so unless his dad's family can have him, the OP physically cannot go to work. Even with 7 months notice, I think getting that childcare is virtually impossible

Or yeah yeah that's fine to them both, until he's fine the rota and realised he's short. Based on his attitude about sorting it, it wouldn't surprise me

@Flapjackquack but OP stated that whilst same day request one was approved before the other, perfectly reasonable, could have been requested opposite ends of the day. OP could have got wind of colleagues request and submitted hers. Fact is colleague had earlier approval. In April! OP should have done something about this before now instead of trying to guilt trip her colleague over her Xmas plans which were likely fixed long before now.

I booked the whole two weeks off as soon as the holiday requests became available in April and have had all the days accepted except the xmas day shift and she said that she booked it off on the same day which is why the manager has said we need to decide between ourselves.

1. Join a union. Do it now.
2. Inform your manager, in writing, that you are the sole carer for your Autistic son which is why you applied for the holiday in April. Asking you to arrange cover 8 months later is not appropriate.
3. If she does anything other than sort her own mess out then raise a grievance. It is not your colleagues problem, leave her out of it.

I had a arrangement with my manager so I didn't work weekends but in March we found out a colleague would be retiring at the end of November.

Your manager can't simply change your working hours. If your contract stipulates you work weekends but that hasn't been the case until now then perhaps they will need to make you redundant but regardless they need to follow appropriate procedures.

Join a union ASAP.

OP, is it currently the state that your colleagues request has been approved, and yours hasn’t, and ‘work it out between yourselves’ means you’ll have to find an alternative solution yourself if you want it off?

You’re clearly in a predicament, but I have to be honest, I’d find it pretty galling if I had a colleague who never worked weekends, had the whole Christmas holiday off bar one 3 hour shift, which was the only day I could then book off, and then on top of it, asked me to withdraw and work Christmas Day too, so they could have it off.

It’s for you or your manager to sort out, I don’t think it’s up to your colleague.

YABU to think because she doesn't have kids it doesn't mean as much but your manager is being even worse for saying you should decide between yourselves. That's their job.

OP can you clarify if your colleague has already been given the day off? If for example she booked her annual leave for the day at 9:30am on the day it became possible and you didn't book it until 11:30am then that's fair enough that she's been given it.

Personal circumstances shouldn't come into this and your manager shouldn't have asked you to sort it out yourselves. It should be given on a first come first served basis and if this hasn't resolved it then the follow-up issues are between you and your manager. Your colleague should not be put in the position where she's being asked to cancel her leave - she is no less entitled to Christmas off than anyone else.

Absolutely shit of your employers to dump this stress on you. No fucking wonder there aren't enough carers.

So many people bitching at the OP for mentioning the fact that the colleague has no children - she clearly wasn't mentioning this because she thinks she's entitled to more of a Christmas than her colleague, it's the difficulty she'll have finding someone to watch her son on Xmas morning!

Really though your manager should be sorting this rather than leaving it down to you two, it's not fair on either of you.

Can his dad not have him for the day?

So you knew you hadn't had your Christmas day leave accepted? And you've left it this late hoping it would sort itself out?

I think people have missed this point - which I feel makes you the unreasonable one here.