To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

This situation has arisen because the OP has sat back for 8 months and assumed her set of circumstances beats her colleague.

You are also aware personal attacks aren't allowed on mumsnet.

This is my understanding too.

No one actually has it approved yet but OP is expected to cancel her request due to having the other days approved.

Except it also says:

Parental leave can be postponed by employers if taking leave at the time requested would cause particular disruption to the organisation. For example, this would be during a seasonal peak in work or if multiple requests for parental leave are made at the same time.

and

You must give at least 21 days' notice to your employer in order to take parental leave

That's interesting - I didn't know that. Losing a 35 quid shift will be much more feasible than paying £100 for a babysitter (if OP can get one at this short notice)

@Emotionalsupportviper I was quoting someone else to make exactly the same point you did. You and I agree.

You are also aware personal attacks aren't allowed on mumsnet.

Why not remind @aloris of that? Her comment was pretty personal.

I'd work it for you, however I think maybe u need to take turns. Even if u have kids I think u still need to take ur turn if that's the type of employment ur in. I'd try and see if u cld do a later shift next yr the morning are the best bt lit for when Santa has been etc.

This is a mess created by your company and boss. What is the leave policy, have you/they referred to it? I am sure it will not say ‘employees to fight it out’!

If the policy doesn't support you, in your situation, given that you can't leave a four year old at home alone, you have no choice but to leave. Care workers are like gold, you will get another job.

What if instead of "I can see why it's easier to not work and to claim benefits tbh", we said "I can see the value of carers allowance and benefits for those who need to take the time for someone they care for"

The first sounds like a tory politician who bashes unpaid single parent carers

Oh - sorry. I do apologise. I've since made another comment because I thought you were being unkind.

Please accept my apology for that, too. I didn't read all the posts and as sod's law would have it, picked on you.

😬

🙄This!

OP you’re not unreasonable to ask her to swap at all.

just as she wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask you to swap if she had a disabled partner who couldn’t be left alone and had no alternative care.

Im sorry this year has been a shitter for you, of course you can’t leave your child alone.

Start looking for new jobs immediately and as soon as you can leave then leave - it’s really unfair that you are facing a disciplinary for something which is completely unavoidable - especially after 4 years with the company.

people really have no compassion sometimes, your manager should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. £35 quid for a shift and they want fucking blood out of you.

hope you get sorted OP x

So you knew in March that your days/hours could change to include weekends and knew that your request for CD had not been granted in April
You say that you could pay for child care but it would be expensive and your child 'would most likely be very distressed'
If you knew all of this why haven't you organised a back up plan before?
I've every sympathy but I think you've got to take some responsibility here
I hope you get something sorted but I dont blame your colleague.i think your boss has actually been good to you if you haven't worked a weekend for a while and all your colleagues have

I've already reported both. If it breaks the rules they'll both be deleted🤷‍♀️ I have broad shoulders. At least I can express myself without attacking anyone personally.

Sorry @SleeplessInEngland I missed this earlier, I understood that neither request had been approved as a decision was being delayed until November and that they were told that unless the other person withdraws they will get it as the OP has the rest of the time off. If so, it wasn't the case that she just requested leave and had it approved with no knowledge of the impact on other colleagues. If this isn't the case, happy to admit that I misunderstood.

I feel for you OP. This is a difficult situation and could have been avoided if your manager did the job they are paid to do. You said that you worked Christmas days last year as well. Did he give the reason why are you the one to come in and not the other colleague? Are you generally a push over and the other colleague more assertive? I would stop asking them verbally. Write to them giving your reasons why you need a holiday and be firm that you can't come in. This all could have been avoided if they had not left this to the last minute.

Read the thread will you! That's not the case at all. Goodness me.

My reading of this situation is that neither OP nor her colleague are being unreasonable – they BOTH followed the procedure for booking holiday exactly as they were asked to do. It's management's failure to tackle the issue in April but instead leave it until November which has caused the problem.

And now rather than address a problem of its own making, management has told the 2 workers they have to sort it out between them. That's rubbish. Management has to, you know, manage. I think both the employees are entitled to think they deserve the time off – OP because of her childcare issues and the fact that she worked Christmas Day last year, and her colleague because it's the only day she has requested over the whole Christmas / New Year period.

So manager will either have to work it himself or cough up for what is likely to be some very expensive cover.

OP and her colleague might do better to actually work together on this, present a united front and say that as they requested Christmas Day off at the same time back in April, and neither has been told they couldn't have the day off, they both have a reasonable expectation that management would have sorted an alternative solution over the subsequent 7 months.

Have only got to page 6 as i write this but OP said that it has been agreed that she NEVER works weekends in a CARE job. This is rare no? Imagine the resentment that colleugues who have to work Saturdays and Sundays all the time must feel.

Fucking hell, you’re not Mother Teresa! Get a grip, your choice to have children was not out of a duty to provide possible future tax payers (or possible drains on society for that matter), you did it because you wanted a baby. You do not get rewarded for that choice by having first dibs on holidays! You get maternity leave already, why on earth do you think you’re entitled to even more? Childless people haven’t taken from society what you already have, you’ve cost society more through your choices, but I bet you don’t think you have any debt to tax payers do you?

I actually think constantly calling the OP, a single mum trying to get by the best she can with her DC, "breath takingly" irresponsible etc is much harsher and more spiteful personal attack than calling someone a name or saying they lack nuance.

Yet because it doesn't contain any expletives you see it as above board. Very interesting.

You said that you worked Christmas days last year as well. Did he give the reason why are you the one to come in and not the other colleague? Are you generally a push over and the other colleague more assertive?

we don’t know that the colleague did have last Christmas Day off. Presumably OP and the colleague are not the only employees. If the colleague did work last Christmas Day she’s just as entitled to want it off as OP is.

@Icedlatteplease

I'm saying you don't get to screw people over just because you have a child with SN. except she hasn't chosen to screw anyone over. She made an AL request same day as her colleague. Her Boss decided he wasn't going to sort it out until last minute. Ops colleague hasn't requested any other days off so there's one clash. Op lost out. She's asked her colleague to swop. She said no. She offered a trade. She said no. She's therefore taking a disciplinary for not coming but giving her manager full notice so he can get someone in. How the heck is that screwing every one over? She booked leave in good time, has abided by the rules (manager explicitly telling them to sort it between them so op was reasonable to ask) and has given as much notice as possible. But you'll only be happy if she now hands in her notice. How's that helping anyone?

Shit happens, but you can chose to shovel it or you can chose to tip it on other people.+ more suited to the boss than op or her colleague.

8 months is enough time to start shovelling. it's enough time to sort leave nad let people plan accordingly.

The reality is for most single parents with that level of SN child it isnt possible , it doesn't get easier and you don't need to financially. and yet she's managed so far between work, Mom and nursery. It's one day and she's dine everything she can to sort it. It might not get easier or cheaper but op hasn't said she's working 60 hour weeks until she's 90.she May have to give up work next month or next year or in 5 years but until then she is balancing both.

SN isnt a top trump. no, it's context. Her situation requires context.

It's bloody obvious that the OP just wanted Christmas off with her child yes because she has NO ONE TO HAVE HIM so of course she wants to be off. and got in quick to get one over her colleague they submitted the same day so surely the colleague also tried to get one over on op, knowing op worked it last year.

If you were that worried from a chilcare perspective you go to your colleague and say these are "the days I can work cos they are the days my mum is free, can you help me please cos im up shit creek without a paddle If you dont". but she's basically down that now, re swapping and the colleague doesn't care.

All the OP has done is screw over her colleague and the people she is responsible for Because ultimately she can take parental leave and sod the consequences the consequences are less money in her bank or a disciplinary on her record. Her colleague still has off the days she wanted. Her clients still get cared for. The only one possibly s rewed is the shit manager and its his bloody fault!

Take the disciplinary- your family comes first and, like others have said, this is a failure of management.
The care industry is literally crying out for workers, perhaps it’a time find a job elsewhere, perhaps agency work?

We don’t do who asks first for Christmas but look at requests and consider. It wouldn’t be fair for you to always trump her request but how can you be expected to get childcare on Christmas Day?