To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

I’m starting to think you are a wind up merchant. No one could possibly be this sanctimonious and self congratulatory for having children in real life, surely?

I don't understand why your manager is making you work two christmases in a row. Did your colleague also work last Christmas? It sounds like only one out of the two of you is needed on a Christmas so if you worked last Christmas then I would think your colleague had it off. In that case, the fair thing to do would be to give you this Christmas off, especially since you asked back in March.

Sorry you have to deal with this.

OutsideLookingOut, that is just twisting what I am stating, which is pretty obvious! It has taken decades to gain these rights for parents in thee workplace and for children's welfare to be prioritised (although that's seemingly not on the political agenda anymore) if you want to live in a harmonious society, one with limited crime and poverty, I'm afraid yes, good outcomes for children have to be prioritised and that does have to be reflected in policies in the workplace.

The OP has booked Christmas and New Year off, so wouldn’t be able to cover for the colleague if she did want New Year off.

I’d report this to HR and contact your union. They can’t discipline you for not being able to get childcare on Christmas Day - also you did apply for it months ago.

I'm only going off the post made by op where it sounds like childcare could be sorted.

Might be transparent but its likely the lesser of two evils for op. Just refuse to go in - very likely disciplinary and as I say depending on their appetite for risk/wanting to make an example of op, it could result in more than a slap on the wrist(going AWOL could be GM). The problem for op here is 20 days to make care arrangements is probably considered enough time so any recourse e.g. unfair dismissal might be slim.

Care fell through - invoke stat right to dependants leave. Employer would be extremely silly to do more than a warning if they can evidence reasonable belief op is lying. Key word there is reasonable.

At least option 2 could buy op time to get another job.

Disclaimer- all depends on ops record for similar absences

God, you are a treat! Absolutely no grey area, no compassion, no way you could see how this situation has arisen, and she has tried to be flexible, offered to come in later when her Mum is done.

No, just she should quit because of her 'breathtaking' inability to do her job, on the one day her shift doesn't line up with her Mum and there is no other option.

Because you know, the care profession is busting at the seams with staff right now 🙄 So yeah, maybe she should just quit and really go for broke and let all those people down on a permanent basis.

KimberlyClark, I have been on MN for ages since 2006, back when it was a supportive parents' forum. It is not sanctimonious (weak response) to point out the blood obvious and I'm not going to be scared off in stating my opinion which I believe is they way these threads are meant to go now!

A first request system for coveted dates isn’t fair. Some sort of trade off system allocates the time much more reasonably. If you have worked the Christmas past and many other major holidays, you should be able to get one off.

others are right that not having children doesn’t make her Xmas less meaningful, but you can’t magic up childcare for an autistic child on Christmas morning. Santa doesn’t make that at the North Pole. You shouldn’t have to take a disciplinary mark, but even if you do, aren’t care workers in incredibly short supply? If you are good at your job, you have the upper hand here. They might be stupid enough to fire you, but there are jobs available.

I think you just need to take the disciplinary.

From what I understand, both applied for Xmas day AL in April, to be approved in November.

neither have actually been given approved AL for Xmas day yet, so it’s not a case of OP swapping. Both have been told to sort out between themselves who is working and who isn’t.

this is the managers job and they shouldn’t be passing the buck.

Not RTFT, but could you negotiate a swap with a colleague, to work an alternative three hours of the day, so that your mum will be home from her Christmas Eve night shift and be there for childminding.

"It's bloody obvious that the OP just wanted Christmas off with her child and got in quick to get one over her colleague."

Uh, hasn't colleague done exactly the same? Wanted Christmas off and got in quick to "get one over" off of OP?

Most likely she can claim benefits look after her son and not be financially worse off.

Then her son would have proper decent care when he needs it.

Probably she could also find a carer firm that would allow her to work 16 hours a week term time only and be better off still.

If the above isn't the case then really the SN isn't that serious.

Everyone saying people with children don’t get priority, the simple fact is yes they do if they can’t get childcare and need to care for their children.
Ive never seen a service available for childcare over Xmas.
if they disciplined you or you were forced to resign you would have a totally valid case for sex and disability discrimination.
so whether people like it ir think it’s fair all not is irrelevant I’m afraid

The colleague didn't book the whole of the week before and after Christmas

I just wanted to send you hugs. This sounds so tough as it is, and you really didn't need this I am sure. Your manager should take more control of this situation, taking into account your personal circumstances.

I have told my manager and he said that if we can't work it out he will expect me to come in as I have everyothef day off

Why is your boss favouring your colleague over this if you can't wrk it out between you? OK - so you have every other day off, but if that was going to be a problem s/he should have told you much sooner.

I you have worked last Christmas, you should have this one off. I don't think that you should automatically get the day because you have a child, even a child with demanding special needs - all of us are entitled to family time at Christmas, including your childless colleague - however I think that Christmas Day should be taken turn and turn about, and if you worked last year you shouldn't have to work this.

Absolutely. Pure projection and it really angers me.

www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/work-and-career/other-rights-at-work/the-right-to-parental-leave

Your right to parental leave
If you have at least one year's continuous service with your employer and are responsible for a child aged under 18, you are entitled to 18 weeks' (unpaid) leave per child to look after them.

I know life isn’t as cut and dry as just getting a new job but you really do need to consider getting a new one.

As a single Mum with a no contact Dad, you’re already going to struggle to work in any job so working in a job that regularly involves working when paid childcare isn’t an option just isn’t feasible. It’s great your Mum helps so much but she also works shifts and has a life of her own presumably so you can’t keep relying on her as back up, as this situation has proved.

You can’t really do much about this shift because you have no childcare options so you will have to tell your manager that unless they want you to either bring your DC to work or leave them home alone in a dangerous situation then you can’t go in. If you lose your job then so be it, it’s not a good job for you anyway! Honestly, even working in retail or somewhere like McDonald’s would be preferable and I bet it would be the same pay.

What an evil wench she is for wanting to spend her 4 year old child's first Christmas without his father in his life with him. I agree it's appalling she was able to request leave for the appropriate channels the same as everyone else with or without children🙄

Sorry you're struggling OP. It's tough with kids, especially when you're on your own.

I'm not on my own but my partner works away a lot, so illness/nursery closure all falls to me. No help here either, everyone works. Everyone has to work these days don't they.

It's not easy being a parent that's for sure. I think you will have to just say you are not able to do the shift and if you get a disciplinary, say again you really had no choice as you were unable to find childcare for your 4 year old.

It's bloody obvious that the OP just wanted Christmas off with her child and got in quick to get one over her colleague.

"Getting in quick"is not "getting one over" - what a stupid thing to say, @aloris ! It's being sensible. If OP hadn't "got in quick" doubtless you'd be castigating her for leaving it to the last minute.

Anyway, it seems that the colleague also "got in quick". Does that mean she was trying to "get one over" on OP?

Why is it alright for her but not for OP?