To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

From your various posts you are clearly projecting your situation onto OP. Everyone is different, their life situations and SEN children are different, her circumstances have changed in the past few months and she is trying her best to make it work.

You don't get to tell her that she shouldn't work just because you don't. You also don't get to tell her how awful she is for daring to be a carer AND have a family and a life that doesn't always go to plan.

Shit happens, that is what parental leave is there for.

Could you potentially offer to do your shift a little bit later instead of much later in the day when your mum can look after your child for a few hours e.g. 8:30-11-30 or 9-12? Might not be much help but you showing how flexible you’re trying to be might win you a bit of support from your employers. I sympathise OP, it a difficult position to be in!

Perhaps your time would have been better spent RTFT rather than on such a helpful and kind comment

Also agree with this and am also a parent, am more shocked at the abuse directed at the colleague for not cancelling her one day off. She's a bitch/arsehole/uncaring etc etc.
Maybe it's the 1st year in ages both she and her dh will get christmas morning together before having to uptake family duties?

It's not unpleasant it's realistic.

Should the OP's colleagues and service users suffer because "taking one Christmas at a time."

The reality of the OPs situation is that she will take unpaid care and either her colleague will have no days off 7 days either side of Christmas or a vulnerable person will have no care

She though ahead enough to want to book the whole of Christmas off.

And so are childless adults. As much as you can claim you’re doing something incredible by producing these future potential tax payers (because there’s no guarantee they will be), childless people can claim they’ve been less of a burden on the system by not having children. So when do they get their reward? It’s not a competition, no matter how much you want to try and spin it, parents are not automatically more entitled to holidays than anyone else.

I haven’t seen anyone blame OP for the shit excuse of a father either?

Perhaps CD was denied (and the rest of the 2wks approved) as it was thought that this would be a day when Op would have family available to help.

If the colleague hasn't requested 2wks maybe this was why she was given CD?

However now that it is known that Op can't do CD due to no childcare then the manager has to manage as others have said!

Be that working the 3hrs if they aren't already or organising something else.

You are right, I don't know about her personal circumstances. I think it is implied though because, even without mentioning specifics and assuming both have communicated, she could have said that she was unable to even consider it due to personal circumstances. Also, she is not facing any disciplinary action.

I should also clarify that my understanding is that both requested their leave at the same time, but the manager didn't approve at the time and has only recently said colleague can have it unless she agrees to withdraw because the OP has the rest of the two weeks off. In effect, management have said only one of you can be off and to work it out between you.

We as parents also provide for that future via taxes as well as bringing children up which costs parents alot more than it does the tax payer, with the replacement rate declining it is basic economics to suggest parents are paying out alot more in their lifetime and our dc will be propping up the state when you are not able.

I do wish people would stop slagging off the other colleague. We have only got what OP has told us about her and don't know her actual circumstances.

Can you imagine the responses from her AIBU - "Am I unreasonable to want 1 day off over the whole Christmas period when colleague
Is off for the other 13 ? ". Everyone would be telling her to stick to her guns and child free people are just as entitled to have Christmas Day off, and why didn't OP negotiate with her originally rather than assuming she'd be happy without a single day off during the holiday period.

Exactly. But some people on this thread (and I see it every year) go completely overboard when it comes to a childless person being awkward about Christmas shifts.

I’m all for everyone having the days off they want, but sometimes people with kids (especially those with a disability) should have a priority when it comes down to situations exactly like these.

Of course if someone has left it a week before Christmas and suddenly wants the full week off, that should be an absolute and resounding “no”, but OP did everything correctly. She should have the day off without punishment.

Why has it ended up that the colleague having the day off is the default, and that she would have to withdraw for you to get it?

Can your boss not see who tried to book it first even within the same day?

@Icedlatteplease

So what would you suggest Op do? Leave her son alone? Spend x3 what she will make for the shift to pay a stranger to look after her vulnerable child who is likely to be very distressed by it?

Interesting that you're concerned about some vulnerable adults that you're imagining and not Op's autistic son.

Or do you just like to come on here and get the boot in on lone parents who are trying their best?

But when someones breath-taking irresponsibility means that other people suffer, there really is no excuse. She isn't being breathtakingly irresponsible.

She's making it clear that she cannot do both caring jobs at the same time so he needs to find cover. She made this clear in April. He should have seen in April there was a clash. He should have said in April that OP couldn't have leave off. And potentially then in April he could have sorted cover, disciplined and got rid of her, made it easier for people to swap.

Had op posted to say she'd left DS alone, had she said she'd plonked him on the neighbour where he cried for 4 hours, had she called the Boss Xmas Eve to say she wouldn't be in, had she just not turned up then yes, you'd be right.

But she booked leave months ago, she's made it clear she cannot care for clients on those days, she'd caring for her child. Perfectly responsible decision making.

She shouldn't have to book provisional childcare 6 months in advance and then save all year to pay 3-4 times her salary to pay for it. She shouldn't need to quit a job at Xmas having made a clear agreement to enable her to arrange childcare during work.

I gave up work too to care for my disabled child, but maybe that job helps keep OPs MH well so she can be the best carer for her child. Maybe it's under the limits of carers allowance so it tops up the actual amount she earns and enables them to live a little better.

Maybe people can make different decisions for different reasons to the same end and both be right

When I worked shifts I would always work Christmas to allow my colleagues with children to have Christmas Day off. They would work New Year so I could have it off. I’m surprised she hasn’t offered.

But I also agree with this

And what if they can't? Are you less worthy if you have a child who can not be a tax payer? Is that all we are worth?
Following that logic should parents more likely to produce high earning children get more benefits from society?

No @Headabovetheparakeet , I think she thinks OP should quit her work like she had to because if that's what she had to do, it must be the only answer.

Naunet, how would the 'system' be run if a significant number of people don't have children, it can't be, you need younger people to do that, provide your health care, drive your taxi, run your supermarkets, delivery your food, grow your food.

The organisation is putting itself at risk of discrimination by association if they fail to take into account the fact that that the child has a disability and complex needs. OP has followed the process as she was instructed by her line manager, and this approach has turned out to be unfair to both direct reports.

Yes but that is a swap of dates. Here the OP - albeit with good reason- put in the whole 14 days at Christmas. Colleague only requested one.

My guess is that if OP had spoken to colleague before putting in the request, or indeed a couples of months ago with dates she could get some childcare for, then colleague would have been more receptive to working on CD.

try reading all the posts ....... that its not what this is about at all

@Whowhatwherewhenwhy1

So what do you think is going to happen for the next 12 Christmases until your son Is 16? Do you expect to get them all off at the expense of your colleagues desire for annual leave on Christmas day? You chose to have a child and your colleague has chosen not to. Neither choice is more valid than the other and surely when you either had your child or accepted the job you knew there would be times when your work and home schedule would clash? It is down to you to make childcare arrangements. In this situation I would as manager give the leave to whoever had asked first. If tour colleague offers to cancel leave to accommodate you that is her choice. Equally she should not be asked or expected to oblige.

You're being ridiculous. OP didn't choose to be left as a single Mum to a child with additional needs. Who would even cover this? I don't know of any child care settings who would be open. Care work is not well paid enough to call in nannies to work on Christmas Day.

OP has also worked plenty of bank holidays. I feel sorry for her that the Dad and also the grandparents appear to be unavailable.

Some of the posts on here are like a staunch Tory politician who criticizes feckless single Mums. I can see why it's easier to not work and to claim benefits tbh.

In every job I have ever had Christmas has not been first come first served but separately negotiated from other holidays. Usually everyone puts in their requests and if they all can't be accomodated then the first step is usually for the team to talk amongst themselves and try to come to an arrangement e.g. you have xmas I'll have new year and next year we'll swap. Absolutely talk to your colleague and explain your situation but if you can't agree then your manager will have to make a decision.

Not read full thread only OP replies.

OP, you gave your manager plenty of notice. You explained your situation to them in advance.

You have offered to work different shifts/times.

If i were you, i would call ACAS and citizens advice to get some impartial advice on your situation. You have been employed for 4 years there so have a solid history with them.

A disciplinary can be appealed. It also doesn't mean you automatically get sacked. They need to follow strict processes. If i were you i would ask for their grievance and disciplinary policy so you can read through them.

Good luck