To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

@Wife2b

But it's not up to OP to offer her colleague an incentive to work.

And it's not up to the colleague to be incentivised / guilted into working so the shift is covered.

It's up to their manager to sort. That's what he's paid to do.

Because she knew this was a problem in march. She put in the holiday in April but didn't get Christmas. but she didn't know she wouldn't get it, she interpreted "needs" as the workers not hers so assumed she'd get it off. She also knew she might have to start working by then weekends too. must have missed the bit where she said she was told it was a temp arrangement?

I'm not saying she's perfect, but she assumed she'd get the leave and her Mom could help around that. Also only been a few months since Dad went totally AWOL.

She's not failing her child or at life because she hoped she could hold onto her job for another year or two and that with limited options she was hoping it would pan out.

IME they will help you negotiate and write letters, which is what the OP needs

None of this makes sense
What if you wanted to go on holiday?
You book the time off in aprilbut you can't actually book a holiday anywhere until November?

Do they? Colleague tried to join to get help with an ongoing issue and they said they couldn't get involved in things which started before membership did. Maybe it varies by union?

I really feel for you. You've tried your best and been put in a horrible situation.

Out of hours SEN care is almost impossible to source normally and this is Christmas Day. A day you planned hard and early for as you knew you'd not have help.

I'm cross on your behalf.

As an aside, I've raised two autistic children who are both adults now, are you getting full benefits?

You will be entitled to higher rate DLA, single persons occupancy for council tax, disabled component UC, child's component UC, housing benefit through UC and carers allowance if you can't work. There may be others.

It might be worth having a chat with CAB for the benefits you may be entitled to to support you.

You shouldn't be left high and dry like this.

It's not a concession if it's agreed work terms. Nothing to stop other staff asking for the same when starting their jobs, even if they don't have kids.

I think it’s pretty incredible that people expect a random woman to help more than the child’s own father. He’s the real issue here.

@user1471447974

Have you ever done a management job?

I assume not.

As a manager you do not pit two staff members against each other. What you do in this case is solve the problem by paying for agency cover for the OP.

Your posts on this topic are the most ridiculous and ill informed that I have seen on MN in a while, as numerous people on this thread have told you.

If anyone managed in the way you suggest, their company would implode. You need to get your head out of the weeds to understand situations like this. We have no evidence the OP’s colleague is being ‘selfish’, but even if she were, that is not relevant to what is a management problem.

And what happens when the needs of work mean they can't sustain weekday only working.

What happens during August when you find out no holiday club will take your child?

What happens when you and your mum have work on the same day?

What happens when you Mum turns round and says Actually she loves you but your child's needs are too great for regular care to top of having to work?

What happens when the school/nursery placement fails

All of which are very highly likely if you have a high needs child.

And what you are missing is that working essentially is a choice. If the child is entitled to middle or higher rate care the OP is most likely better off not working and caring for her child full time. Most people chose to still work some hours for their own sanity. Some of us haven't had that choice because as a single parent if you weren't there to cover all the bases noobe else would.

Other people shouldn't have to lose out on their Christmas or go without necessary paid care because you haven't made a realistic plan for how you care for your own child

As a manager you implement policies, you don't make up rules as you go along.

This is not the managers problem. It's the employees.

If it gets to one rings in sick or refuses to turn up then it's her job to manage the situation, and the consequences.

Team members who expect managers to sort out every one of their problems are the worst

This is standard for all healthcare jobs I’ve worked in. I’m actually surprised that the OP has been allowed to book annual leave. As everywhere I’ve worked, nobody can take any annual leave over christmas unless you apply for extenuating circumstances and have it pre approved (regular holidays don’t fall under this). It’s crap but everybody would be applying for leave if it was allowed; nobody wants to work christmas.

Op just agree to work and say you have organised help and when the day comes it is not your fault that the arrangments have fallen through and you aren't able to come in.

The manager can step in and work if they are that bothered!

In your line of work, you could quit now and easily walk into a new job in January.

Mama 🤮

but sod them my kid needs me more than I need this job.

This is the bit that stood out to me. Do what you need to do.

I don’t have children and normally it annoys me stuff like this but I think in your case YANBU. You are a single parents, you have a disabled child and no childcare and you tried to book the day off months ago. If I were your colleague I would work the shift for you.

Excellent point. Colleague should help, employer should help, disabled grandma should help, government should help. The child's actual parent has disappeared into the distance without a second glance and that's just accepted by all and sundry as a fact of life.

I realise that saying this doesn't help the OP, but it's worth a bit of righteous anger about a society that lets men abdicate their responsibilities like this.

And are calling her horrific names like 'selfish bitch' or saying her day isn't as important.

£35 for 3 hours on Christmas Day?! Fuck em just quit. Jobs that pay that badly are really easy to come by. Dump this one and get another in January. It's not worth stressing over.

OwwwMuuuum
You have kids so you win Christmas. I can’t believe anyone upthread really would be selfish enough to think anything otherwise. If you don’t have kids, you don’t get priority on Xmas annual leave in my book.

yeah you wait until your kids are 18yo and someone tells you that you have to work every Xmas day for the next 25 years. No exceptions, no complaints. Bet you change your mind then about people with kids having priority.

So you’d be pissed not to get Xmas off given you’d done your time helping out parents, but OP’s colleague is a bitch? Make it make sense.

There are some very unsympathetic replies on this thread. OP, I would forget discussing it any further with your colleague and continue being pleasant towards her. I would put it in writing to management that you applied for leave early because of circumstances they are aware of. Your son has disabilities and you have no options at all for care for him, therefore you cannot work. If they want to discipline you so be it. I would be looking for a new job asap or be considering a break from work. You would be entitled to a significant amount in benefits. I would also think about going off with stress. The manager will have to sort something out that doesn’t involve either of you working ( doing it themselves? Offering a high incentive for someone to cover the shift? Agency cover?) On a site for parents I am amazed at the number of people who can’t see that you have no options.

Are you in a union? It’s not your colleges responsibility to sort out, but I would have thought you would be eligible for unpaid parental leave, even if holiday leave was denied (this doesn’t have to be taken in week long blocks when your child is disabled).

I’m not sure how cut and dry this is to claim, but your union (or failing that, ACAS) may be able to help.

This doesn't help with the situation but if you and your co-worker had to sort the shift out between you, why is it just YOU with the threat of a disciplinary? Surely if there is to be a disciplinary then it should be aimed at both of you? (I don't agree that you should have a disciplinary anyway!)

I think your co-worker is a bit mean in not agreeing to do the Xmas Day shift, but I'm guessing that she'll know how difficult it will be for you to get care for your DC. But then she may have been shafted by management on previous occasions herself.

It's really unfair that you face a disciplinary and she doesn't though; I don't get that.