To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

What do you want the manager to do? Clone one of them?

Piss off the one with the leave booked to give it to someone else?

Piss of the mother (who has had months to sort it)

The manager should follow the usual annual leave policy, which probably says once it's booked, it's booked.

No, I am not arguing semantics, someone is in a terrible situation, another person can help and is refusing, I think it is a terrible thing to do someone regardless.

The OP has offered numerous solutions to management and is now facing a disciplinary. The colleague was offered the choice to have the day off or swap with zero consequences to her for her choice. The OP has been told if the other person won't come in, you must or face disciplinary action.

Colleague seems happy to accept bad management when it goes in her favour. They have both been subjected to bad management but could escalate together but as the colleague will have to face no consequences is happy to just carry on. I therefore believe that she has contributed to OPs situation.

take it as parental leave

workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/overview-of-parental-leave/

This is not your colleagues problem. This is your managers problem. You have told him well in advance that you can’t do it.

are you working in care? If so, can you easily find another job?

And yes absolutely it never should have been on your or your colleague to try and convince each other to work the shift! Very poor management and I don't actually think he'd have a leg to stand on. What if you were genuinely sick on Christmas day, how on earth could he confirm to you if will definitely be a "disciplinary" if you don't come in.

Not mental no. But if the responsibility to work is automatically falling to OP and she will be faced with the disciplinary, that suggests it is based on first dibs. She has already said they won’t revoke the request. The cost of childcare will be sky high and will cause a lot of distress to the child, if the OP offers a financial bonus the colleague might a) see how desperate the OP is and give in. Or b) accept and the OP will spend less on ‘childcare’, her child won’t be distressed and she will not have to do the shift. It’s shit but could get the desired outcome…

Colleague seems happy to accept bad management when it goes in her favour.

The colleague made a holiday request, it was apparently granted. The situation now has nothing to do with her, and everything circles back to bad management.

100% a management issue.

1. why leave is this late
2. why are you sorting between yourselves
3. what has you having other days off got to do with it

I thought single parents had different rights?

At my last work someone won at a tribunal they couldn’t be sacked as they were a single parent and it mean there was no household income .

This is a very good point. If neither of you are willing to work the three hours then they can’t just discipline you.
Have they actually told your colleague they can have the time off and told you that you need to ask her to swap? Are there other staff you can approach to cover for you? They must have more available staff. What happens if someone goes off ill when someone else is on leave?

Am I understanding this right that in April you booked 2 weeks off which included the Xmas date currently under debate?
And that your colleague also put in a leave request for the Xmas date in April?

Because if so, your manager is in the wrong - they should have told both of you that the date was a problem back in April to allow you both to reconsider, make plans etc.

If you had booked 2 weeks including the Xmas date and your manager did not include it, then your manager is in the wrong. If you had booked 2 weeks including the Xmas date back in April, and your colleague has subsequently asked for the same date then your manager is in the wrong.

I realise that this doesn't necessarily help but I'm just trying to understand the situation. And apologies if it has already been stated - I'm scrolling through but keep getting interrupted and losing my place.

I suspect colleague has already threatened to leave if she doesn't get the day off, and being the most potentially flexible of the 2 employees manager has decided if he's going to lose one of them he'd rather it be op so he'll call her bluff.

Apologies, just managed to track through. The system is wrong. If you book time off then that's it. No considering certain dates later.
Poor management.

Like others have said, this isn't about your right (or not) as a parent to have Christmas off, this is about the fact that specifically because it is Christmas you do not have childcare for your disabled child and your family circumstances have changed over the past year.

Agree with others, join a Union and take advice. This could fall under discrimination as you have tried all avenues, given months of notice and yet still face a disciplinary. The fact you are considering leaving means it could fall under constructive dismissal.

But you need to talk to a Union rep asap. This isn't the fault of your colleague, this is an issue for your manager.

The one thing I will say and sorry if I have misunderstood, but when you say you booked the 2 weeks of in April and all but Xmas day was approved, presumably means your request for Xmas day was actively denied at that point?

It can't just hang in Limbo, either it has been approved and you've got it off or it's been denied and you have to work.

That being said, my approach would still be the same. Take the disciplinary if it ever materialises. Document all your attempts at resolutions and reasons why you can't work in writing and send it to manager today. Then enjoy your Christmas with your DS and deal with it after the New Year.

This is a very good point. If neither of you are willing to work the three hours then they can’t just discipline you.

But it's already been granted for OP colleague. Therefore they can't discipline her as she's already got it off. It's to sort between them if colleague was willing to swap. She's not.

You're an experienced care worker. You'll be able to walk into another care job in January.

Hand in your notice and get signed off with stress for the notice period. Your manager will have to find cover then.

This is the problem with the care industry. No concern about staff needs and welfare. It's not your colleague's fault. They should be able to request time off. Your manager should have sorted it out long before now and realised there was an issue when you both put in the request!

I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job

Do not leave your job. You've got nothing to be ashamed of and I sincerely doubt they would ever be able to come close to sacking you over something like this.

Because she knew this was a problem in march. She put in the holiday in April but didnt get Christmas.

There was a possibility this could happen in April. She also knew she might have to start working by then weekends too.

Did she formulate a back up plan?

No

Ultimately it won't be her child that pays the price. She will clain unpaid carers leave. either the colleague will cover or the poor person the OP cares for at work will go without care.

It's breathtakingly thoughtless. As a carer, unpaid or working, you have a responsibility to those you care for. You have to have a back up plan.

When my DS' doctor sat me down to tell me DS's diagnosis , (funnily enough barerly verbal ASD although hes actually become hogh needs since), one of the first things he said was you will need to consider whether you are able to work. If you have a high needs child someone, usually a doctor will tell you you need to claim DLA. By the age of three my DS's nursery placement failed. The reality of a proper high needs child is impossibility of childcare and the fact that working is actually a luxury. Especially as a single parent.

First thing I did was sit down and do the sums as to whether I could afford to live on a carers salary and benefits because there wasn't a lot of choice.

Just from what the OP has posted here that if she is better off working at all I would be very much surprised.

Either the OP knows this and working is a choice. Or the child isnt as high needs as the OP suggests. Or she hasnt sat down and worked out what the alternatives are.

If she hasn't she should. Because 4 years is about the easiest time to get childcare for a high needs child, it only gets harder.

Autism or not, a 4 year old can’t look after itself.

And what if ops kid is never able to pay tax anyway?

Childfree folk are paying for school etc for kids via taxes anyway?

it would be nice if the colleague could help but we have no clue what else might be going on on her life.

@Icedlatteplease What a horrible judgemental post, WTAF.

Sorry OP's child isn't a proper high needs child and she is able to put him in nursery.

You're right the OP sounds like a selfish arsehole, how dare she look after her autistic young child as a single mum and work as a carer 🙄

Honestly some people I will just never understand.

She normally has a back up, her Mum and nursery. It just so happens her mum is on a nightshift and gets back too late to take the child.

@Jessiejuju, call ACAS.
Do you have a written agreement about not working on the weekends? Even a few months of rota showing you not working weekends might help prove that they have made this concession/arrangement. Therefore you may not even have had to request CD off in the first place. But I am not a legal expert so definitely get advice as to where you stand.

If OP tells the manager they will have to ,leave the job there is a danger they may just accept her resignation and see it as a threat and unless op only has to give less than a months notice it wont make any difference anyway. I would go for unpaid or emergency carers ,leave if thats an option.

Colleague seems happy to accept bad management when it goes in her favour. They have both been subjected to bad management but could escalate together but as the colleague will have to face no consequences is happy to just carry on. I therefore believe that she has contributed to OPs situation.

What would the colleague need to escalate? She’s asked for one day off over Christmas and she has been granted it. Why should she face any consequences? She was asked to swap but doesn’t want to. Maybe it’s not what some would do, but that’s for her to decide.

I’d love to see how many people would actually swap a colleague to work Christmas Day after they’d had a holiday granted. It’s very easy to say it on a forum, quite different in real life.

Again, it’s between the management and the OP.