To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

Agree its not the colleagues problem and they have every right not to want to swap, while it's very frustrating, the colleagues must already be making concessions as op already doesn't have to work weekends.

Awful situation, brought about by your manager being a useless article.

that's so crap of him when it was accepted in April

Christmas day was not accepted back in April.

I missed the bit about weekends. Christmas Day is a Sunday, so if OP has an agreement (preferably in writing) to not work weekends, surely she wouldn't have to anyway?

Honestly it shouldn't even need your problem to solve but your managers
Take the time and the disciplinary and look for a new job. Walking is the best message you can give them - im disgusted for you

Not sure about where you live but round our way care companies are crying out for staff, if you leave one you can walk straight into a job with another. How long is your notice period?

I think op was saying I ntbeory it would cost X, not Jenny from Nursery is willing and it will cost X. Also, unless OP has X then it's still can't not won't.

But saying ooh I sorted childcare, oops it fell through and leaving the place potentially short staffed is totally transparent, and morally questionable

I understand. It's not that you want Christmas with your boy, as you say, he won't understand and would prefer his usual routine.

It's that people don't understand that you can't "just get a babysitter" for a disabled child, especially who is incontinent and who isn't social and won't settle for anyone he doesn't know. My own children would engage in behaviours like lashing out or banging their head on the floor if I tried to leave them with a new babysitter. It took hours over weeks to settle them with someone new and you have to pay for all that time. It's not worth it just for a one off - and I mean the distress to the child as well as the money. Also then you have to find a babysitter who is prepared to work for just a few hours on Xmas Day and if you manage all that you have to find a way to pay them as they deserve a fair wage and double pay for Christmas Day. It does sound like mission impossible.

I would also bet that the people suggesting you get random family members to look after him don't have disabled children.

We all understand that your colleague is also entitled to her Christmas.

I really hope you can work things out for you.

I'm not dressing it up? Just seeing lots of posts saying OPs needs are greater (which I agree with), but nobody knows if that is actually the case? Even if not, colleague is not obliged to change her plans, unless she wants to.

Families include other relatives besides one's DC. You don't know what other family responsibilities childless people might have.

Why isn't your manager managing??

Dreamsoffreedomjoyandpeace, no, stating the obvious as the same old crap gets trotted out about 'entitlement' of parents on a parents' forum! Very annoying and want to reinforce the point that people's individualism is going to harm everyone in the end more so those reliant on future generations' goodwill.

⬆️ and you’re likely to win or at most be given a warning. Then you have more time to look for a job somewhere more organised. Everywhere is desperate for care workers @Jessiejuju

More than a whiff of 'it takes a village' in some of these posts. 🙄

Bad management to expect you to sort it out for yourselves. I agree they need to sort this out.

However, you are unreasonable to suggest your colleague's need for time off is any less important than yours, everyone is entitled to leave regardless of their family circumstances and how they choose to use their leave.

Is your colleague also getting a disciplinary when she doesn’t turn up for work on Christmas Day?

Your manager told you to decide it between you, it hasn’t been decided so I don’t think it’s fair that you automatically have to be the one to work.

But why does she trump you on getting it off if both booked on same day? Why is it falling to you to come in if she won’t swap? Why not her having to work if you won’t/can’t swap? Why is your manager not saying the same thing to her about having to work? She must have booked it first if she has first dibs here surely?

Call ACAS, join a union,

"When an employee gives little or no notice and appears to be refusing to work because they face an emergency in relation to their childcare, the employee is very likely to be entitled to time off as dependants leave."

Haven't RTFT just OP's posts. I'm not sure what the issue is as Christmas Day is on a Sunday and OP doesn't work weekends, surely she is within her right to say "but my contract says I don't work weekends". What can management do then as OP hasn't refused to work one of her contracted days?

Another thing that gets trotted out, those of us with DC have other responsibilities, we have elderly relatives, siblings with MH problems, help great Aunt's who didn't gave children 'and' we have our DC to be responsible for!

I can't fathom why you were even told to approach your colleague - if he agreed hers and not yours then he was wrong to ask you to approach her imo. He should just have told you no.

I'd ring ACAS and ask for advice on your next steps with the disciplinary action though you've been clear since April you can't work that day. And for pretty solid reasons

I honestly don't know what they expect you to do, nobody is going to offer childcare on Xmas, I don't know a single provider that stays open!
If I was your manager or colleague I would cover the 3 hours for you.
I always try to help my colleagues where I can and I hope they would do the same for me.

i think there are several issues here that are about to bite an entire industry on the bum and i think a few explosions in that industry, staff-wise might help.

1. the requirement for all staff to be available for work on bank holidays (including but not restricted to Christmas)
2. too low staffing levels
3. reluctance to use temp staff to cover staffing shortfalls/bank holidays
4. management leaving staff to fight out the cover among themselves
5. low status of care-work in society in general

I do think, though, and i know it seems unfair but it is what it is: when you take a job you make yourself available for your job and to be fair to your employer, you should have plans in place for your dependents when you are required to work. Of COURSE plans fail, as OPs have, and employers need to be able to cover that. But it should never ever be put on other employees to sort that out for them, unless they want to help.

what i always say to people in care work though: join a union. Do it now.

This all sound absolutely awful for you. Personally, I'd take the disciplinary and tell them that as advised you did the very best you could to find alternative arrangement, you have been left in very difficult circumstances due to the child's father who previously helped with childcare not being around, your son's needs etc. Emphasise how you kept your manager up to date with all of this, offered to work later the same day when you would have childcare available, and this still wasn't good enough.

He's probably just hoping you will bend. It's not your fault, your situation is justifiable from my perspective. It's not like you're flat out refused to come in. I'd get it all down in writing too. They're very unlikely to be able to do much. You've presumably been reliable employee for 4 years.

If you were to call in sick what would management do? They would have to find a way to cover you, yes?