To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

I just see a post with op saying childcare would cost £100+, so sounds like she could arrange it? The cost isn't the employers problem (sadly)

Like I said, I'm on ops side. Just saying "can't cos cost" 20 days away from when she has been told she needs to work won't be as strong as invoking the statutory right to dependants leave. (Yes shed be lying but so what, needs must😬)

Go ask another colleague to swap with you. Find someone who would prefer an early start and early finish. Then tell your manager. He won't care as long as the shifts are covered.

Also where are people getting £100 from for imaginary childcare. Depending on OPs commute it's likely to be around 5 hours on triple time at least. £150 minimum.

I think it's more saying that that colleague won't have the childcare implications or commitments on Christmas morning that come with children, she would still be able to do what she usually does without the same disruption as OP.

OP I cannot think how you would even get paid childcare at 7am on Christmas day. I would say it will be extremely difficult for you and cost prohibitive for you to work these hours and you'd have to consider leaving your job, and I would say this to your manager, it's up to them to evaluate that position and if they accept it, they have to arrange cover by asking your colleague, which is what they'd have to do if you left anyway. I would have a chat with your colleague when the decision has been made though and explain how impossible it was for you and offer any other cover and gratitude you can

Icedlatteplease, she isn't expecting that, she's trying to work to support her child, ensuring good outcomes for her child and inturn future society, I'm afraid it is you who is burying their head in the sand if you think other people's childcare is none of your concern.

True. But then it comes back to the manager being incompetent - s/he ought to be the one dealing with this, not handing it back to two employees to squabble about. And how can any of us know what we would have done in the OP's situation?

To be fair though this way of doing things has clearly worked well for OP besides Xmas day- securing 2 full weeks off over Christmas and new year is pretty decent especially in this sector.

I can’t believe how bitter some childless women are being towards to a single working mum of a disabled child. But yeah your want of ‘sitting eating chocolate’ trumps her want of having her child safely cared for..thank god I don’t know anyone this horrendously selfish in real life

Its the managers issue not the colleagues. Its not selfish to want christmas day off, and similarly its incredibly hard for OP- tricky situation that ultimately the manager needs to manage.

Tbf, it doesn't mean as much as it does to the mother of a 4 year old autistic child who doesn't have any other childcare.

Exactly

There are agencies to cover carer worker holidays, and you get paid well for covering Christmas (I used to do it). Management just need to do that, they aren’t presumably because they don’t want to pay the extra - they’d rather pit their staff against each other.

The PP’s colleague is not responsible for providing staff cover and neither is she unreasonable to want the holidays she has booked. You talking nonsense @user1471447974

OP - as before, join a Union and get them to help you negotiate.

How do you know it makes no difference to them?
OP asked, the colleague said no (remember the whole "no is a complete sentence troupe), now it's on management to find cover as OP can't do the shift she was rostered onto. If management force the colleague to withdraw their application, thats not OPs problem. But if she's told them she won't be in, she's done all she can.

How do you know that?

This is the manager’s problem to solve, and it’s easily done via an agency.

No I am not absolving management of anything but yes I am placing some of the responsibility on the colleague for adding additional stress to someone who is already in a terrible situation. The OP needs to challenge management and escalate this. However, in the short term this does not solve the desperate situation that the OP is in. The colleague could agree to come in and the situation that has arisen could still be escalated by the OP and the colleague together but without one of them being put in a position of extreme stress and threat to their employment.

It’s nothing to do with the colleague. If she’s been sleeping to swap and she’s said no, that’s it.

If the colleague swaps, the manager has got away with doing nothing, which was the problem in the first place.

if she’s been asked* to swap

So, if you've got all the other days booked off at Christmas and you now want her to work Christmas Day - when, pray tell, would you like your colleague to have a Christmas?

Having children does not trump Christmas and I'm sorry you not having childcare is causing a problem but this is not your colleagues problem.

No, her employer is unreasonable to leave it this long to get their finger out and deal with it. Both put the request in April, employer has had months to let them know but instead has given them 3 weeks to sort it. Her child is autistic and non verbal and children with those issues need time to adjust to the new situation.

That's the whole point

if the OP has a high needs SN child, your high needs SN child doesn't stop being a high needs SN child next Christmas, or the school holidays, or the time you would expect a high needs SN child to find themselves of school.

I don't know one single parent of a high needs SN child (middle rate DLA or higher) who could afford to work full time, practically unless they were very high earning enough for a nanny. I don't know Amy who would manage on a carers salary.

If the OP is close to minimum wage she is unlikely to be financially better off workingmore than 16 hours, especially if she rents her home. Frankly for my high needs child that 16 hours wasn't practical either.

I know this because the very first thing I did when I realised I had a high needs child was really do the sums and work out how I was going to care for this child sustainably.

The OP clearly hasn't done that.

Whoever booked it first gets it.

Possibility being the appropriate term. So without any certainty, the options were to either try and make a non-firm booking to be confirmed at whatever date management deigned to actually manage, which is hardly likely to succeed when trying to book such a scarce resource, or pay out for care that might not actually have been needed, for which the money may not even be there. We presumably all know that ad hoc specialist childcare for DC with these needs isn't abundant at the moment, and particularly won't be over Christmas.

Whichever way you slice this, management have fucked up and it's their delay that has caused this situation.

If you know where your son’s grandmother lives why don’t you ask her for your exDP’s contact details and then approach him about looking after his own child for a couple of hours.

Usually I am the first to argue that people without kids should get equal treatment over the holidays but in this case I literally don't see what more op could have done. I'd probably just look for another job tbh but if not I'd take the disciplinary and ask "exactly what should i have done to avoided this?" And make sure I had that noted on the records.

Manager can't say she should plan in advance and have booked it off earlier - she did try to!
Can't say she should be prepared to work bad days or should be flexible - she did last years bad days and offered to cover boxing day for colleague this year
Can't say she needs to organise with colleagues -again she tried to!

If I was the colleague I would offer to cover it but it's completely fair if she doesn't want to, particulalry if she's working every other day over christmas.

Ultimately op tried to booked the time off in April. If she booked it first then tough luck to colleague. If colleague had already booked Christmas day then the manager should have said back in April "sorry you can have every other day you've requested off but not Christmas day". Then at least op would have known about it much earlier, perhaps her mum could have made sure she wasn't working etc.

Ah yeah what a good plan, the shit no contact dad will be a great alternative.

The manager should work the shift in question

I don't think this is as much on management as some other posters do. The OP did not have holiday request for Xmas day approved when all her other holiday was. Surely the responsibility lies with the OP to have raised this with mgt at the time. It seems like the OP has wilfully ignored it and is now wanting a colleague who did get leave approved to change their plans.