Page 20 | To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

Jessiejuju · 2022-12-05T09:17:53+00:00

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal. I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

KimberleyClark · 05/12/2022 11:43

Crumpleton · 05/12/2022 11:41

and have had all the days accepted except the xmas day shift

Bored????
Of course I can see it wasn't sorted....that's why I'm asking if the OP knew in April there was a possibility they couldn't have time off why hadn't they sorted a back up plan in the 8 months since.

Show quote history

I was thinking the same.

HappyHamsters · 05/12/2022 11:43

Its difficult for everyone but if you have worked 2 xmas day in 4 years thats pretty standard, are you off on new years day as its a Sunday. Maybe offering to do the later shift means others have to change and dont want to work in the morning. I wonder if the manager will cover or agree to agency but dont take it out on your colleague or let this cause resentment

Irealisenow · 05/12/2022 11:43

YANBU OP. I have dc with medical and SEN issues and I know how hard it is to get childcare-especially on xmas day !!!!

I would take the disciplinary tbh

Raindancer411 · 05/12/2022 11:44

secondaryquandries · 05/12/2022 11:37

I assume that there is no way you could take your child with you as a one off and have them sit and read a book/play on a tablet?

Her son is autistic, and needs care himself so I don't think this would be an option. But that aside, as a care place, I wouldn't think they would let anyone do this anyway.

louderthan · 05/12/2022 11:44

I have no kids and am usually very pissed off about parents getting preference when it comes to stuff like this but I am 100% on your side OP.

Isthatarealname · 05/12/2022 11:44

Completely a management issue, they should be finding cover or covering themselves. Does that mean your colleague gets a disciplinary also? That would only be fair as neither of you had the holiday approved and she is also refusing to work.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/12/2022 11:44

Ylvamoon · 05/12/2022 11:32

Why didn't you follow up at the time?

Show quote history

That's what she's doing now because the manager only recently allocated leave. It's in the thread.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 05/12/2022 11:45

You have no one to take care of your child, you should be priority and your colleague not conceding over 3 bloody hours when realistically makes no difference to them is ridiculous! stand your ground.

If this was how all holidays were allocated, then all parents could just say they never have childcare and always want priority. How would that work?

It’s not for the colleague to sort. It’s between OP and her manager.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/12/2022 11:45

Isthatarealname · 05/12/2022 11:44

Completely a management issue, they should be finding cover or covering themselves. Does that mean your colleague gets a disciplinary also? That would only be fair as neither of you had the holiday approved and she is also refusing to work.

From what op said, I think the colleague had it approved but op didn't but they could swap if they wanted.

TidyDancer · 05/12/2022 11:46

I think you've done all you can in this situation really, given the specific set of circumstances.

Do you know who will now be covering the shift? It'll be interesting if they had an instant solution to it.

rwalker · 05/12/2022 11:46

user1471447974 · 05/12/2022 10:17

I honestly cannot believe the responses on this thread to someone who is in an impossible situation, who is a single mum trying to hold down a job with an autistic, non verbal son who's father has left without any contact and who won't even know that is Christmas. She is now facing a disciplinary because she has no one to look after her son with complex needs. All for a three hour shift on Christmas day where her colleague could still have the majority of her Christmas day and then also boxing day in return. I honestly cannot believe that people are making this an issue that people without children have just as much right to Christmas day rather than helping out someone in desperate need. Your colleague is being incredibly selfish.

And I think your attitude is incredibly entitled

SirMingeALot · 05/12/2022 11:47

Jessiejuju · 05/12/2022 11:31

Have spoken to my manager and told him that I won't be able to go in for the hours he needs me I offered to work later hours but apparently that's too awkward of me. I have worked there for almost a 4 years and have worked 2 Xmas days 3 boxing days 2 new years eves and a new year's day I have never booked off a Xmas day before and have tried to find child care but I can not really afford it and that's even if I could find someone willing to work who has the right experience
It's very clear that some of you have never spent time with a Autistic child before and know absolutely nothing about caring for a child who has limited understanding and physical care needs. Management have said I will be getting a disaplinary but sod them my kid needs me more than I need this job.
Also I understand it was not fair to ask her to withdraw her holiday the very first thing I said was I felt bad about the situation.
And yes I did choose to have a child
But I did not choose to have a disabled child and I certainly didn't choose for his dad to walk out on us, leaving me completely alone, I have very few family members who can help with my son as he is very hard work and a lot of my relatives are elderly or live far away.

There's a massive shortage of care workers. If you tell them you're just not coming in because you can't, they're not likely to be in a position to give you the boot. If anyone flaps their mouth over it, vote with your feet and go elsewhere. You are a valuable asset.

ffsnotagainandagain · 05/12/2022 11:47

DrMarciaFieldstone · 05/12/2022 11:45

You have no one to take care of your child, you should be priority and your colleague not conceding over 3 bloody hours when realistically makes no difference to them is ridiculous! stand your ground.

If this was how all holidays were allocated, then all parents could just say they never have childcare and always want priority. How would that work?

It’s not for the colleague to sort. It’s between OP and her manager.

yes, of course and on any other day when childcare is an option then it wouldn't be a problem, but we are talking Xmas day. Manager should sort it out but to punish the OP when she has no choice is ridiculous.

Goldenbear · 05/12/2022 11:47

SleeplessinEngland, the colleague told the OP that, she literally told her why they couldn't work the three hours, if it was a very sick relatives last Christmas or such like, the colleague would just say as it is a stronger argument, why are you afraid of labelling behaviour for what it is? Of course the bigger picture is relevant, if you don't have children but don't want to assist in bringing about a mutually beneficial society in the future, who is going to look after you when you need social care, how's making it as hard as possible going to benefit anyone- maybe get your head out of the sand!

Megifer · 05/12/2022 11:47

Wait, so op you've had an agreement that you don't work weekends but now this us being rolled back on?

Was this contractual or in writing anywhere (doesn't necessarily matter)? And for how long has this been in place? And how has it been communicated that you can no longer have weekends as non working days?

Wheretheskyisblue · 05/12/2022 11:48

I would refer your employer to the carers leave bill which has just gone through parliament entitling unpaid carers to 1 week of unpaid leave a year to support those most in need
www.gov.uk/government/news/boost-for-carers-who-will-receive-new-unpaid-leave-entitlement-under-government-backed-law

MXVIT · 05/12/2022 11:48

Jessiejuju · 05/12/2022 11:31

Have spoken to my manager and told him that I won't be able to go in for the hours he needs me I offered to work later hours but apparently that's too awkward of me. I have worked there for almost a 4 years and have worked 2 Xmas days 3 boxing days 2 new years eves and a new year's day I have never booked off a Xmas day before and have tried to find child care but I can not really afford it and that's even if I could find someone willing to work who has the right experience
It's very clear that some of you have never spent time with a Autistic child before and know absolutely nothing about caring for a child who has limited understanding and physical care needs. Management have said I will be getting a disaplinary but sod them my kid needs me more than I need this job.
Also I understand it was not fair to ask her to withdraw her holiday the very first thing I said was I felt bad about the situation.
And yes I did choose to have a child
But I did not choose to have a disabled child and I certainly didn't choose for his dad to walk out on us, leaving me completely alone, I have very few family members who can help with my son as he is very hard work and a lot of my relatives are elderly or live far away.

FWIW OP I think you did 100% the right thing. It is not your problem to solve, but nor is it your colleagues.

Its for your manager to fix, I would absolutely take the disc on the chin and maybe the manager will also learn a lesson about forward planning!

SleepingStandingUp · 05/12/2022 11:49

Megifer · 05/12/2022 11:36

This is the better option now, as op has been told she needs to go in, and she CAN sort childcare out now, so simply saying "i cant" is refusing to go in to work.

Falling back on dependants leave, which can only be used for emergencies, is a legal right, so less likely to result in the sort of disciplinary action that just refusing to go in would.

Show quote history

She CAN'T sort childcare. Who is going to care for an autistic 4 yo on XMAS morning for 4 hours minimum, plus be available enough in advance to try to help prepare her autistic 4 yo so her autistic 4 yo doesn't spend those 4 hours in a meltdown at being abandoned to a scary stranger!! And all at a price that won't cripple a single parent who's working in care!!

mitsy5 · 05/12/2022 11:49

SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 05/12/2022 10:38

OP clearly stated, more than once, that she worked last Christmas!

This year her circumstances have changed and she got her holiday request in at the very first opportunity! Plus her work are fully aware of her home circumstances. Her manager now needs to actually manage the situation!

And some posters need to stop internalising threads like this!

Show quote history

Im not internalising anything. The OP has come on and asked for opinions, asked if she’s being unreasonable. I work in the same role as the OP by the sounds of it so yes, I think she is being unreasonable in expecting her colleague to do this for her.

However, the person at fault here for this whole situation is their Manager, I do agree with you on that.

On a side note, it’s surprising they’re allowed to book Annual Leave over Christmas and New Year anyway.

Guitarbar · 05/12/2022 11:49

Jessiejuju · 05/12/2022 11:31

Have spoken to my manager and told him that I won't be able to go in for the hours he needs me I offered to work later hours but apparently that's too awkward of me. I have worked there for almost a 4 years and have worked 2 Xmas days 3 boxing days 2 new years eves and a new year's day I have never booked off a Xmas day before and have tried to find child care but I can not really afford it and that's even if I could find someone willing to work who has the right experience
It's very clear that some of you have never spent time with a Autistic child before and know absolutely nothing about caring for a child who has limited understanding and physical care needs. Management have said I will be getting a disaplinary but sod them my kid needs me more than I need this job.
Also I understand it was not fair to ask her to withdraw her holiday the very first thing I said was I felt bad about the situation.
And yes I did choose to have a child
But I did not choose to have a disabled child and I certainly didn't choose for his dad to walk out on us, leaving me completely alone, I have very few family members who can help with my son as he is very hard work and a lot of my relatives are elderly or live far away.

I agree your manager should sort something, but kindly, none of this is your colleagues problem.

ancientgran · 05/12/2022 11:49

OP speak to ACAS and get some advice. A carer for a disabled person (like your child) can claim disability discrimination and you might qualify as it is impossible for you to work because of the care issues for your child.

If you applied the same day you are being treated less favourably for that day because you need the two weeks off because of your caring responsibilities to your disabled child. I think that would be a good argument to say you are being discriminated against because of your link to your disabled child.

Employers rarely want to get into a disability discrimination case so if ACAS will give you advice it may well mean they will get bank staff in.

Good luck.

Icedlatteplease · 05/12/2022 11:50

SleepingStandingUp · 05/12/2022 11:39

She's asked for it off as she doesn't have childcare for her high needs child. Colleague could easily celebrate Xmas after the 3 hour early shift. OK she doesn't want to, and booked it off but let's not make out like op has asked her to cover a 14 hour shift or even one later in the day that would mean colleague missed lunch or couldn't drink. And one of Usk now what actual days the colleague is working, she's offered BD but the colleague may well have NYE/NYD day off too

Show quote history

Check out my reply above. If the OP really does have a high needs child this should be a massive reality check that the model of living isn't sustainable. It gets harder to find childcare for a high needs child not easier

She needed to request term time Or look for term time working. She cannot expect every 2 weeks surrounding Christmas off

Goldenbear · 05/12/2022 11:51

How's it entitled to want to be afforded some help in bringing up the future tax payers, you are entitled if you think parents should do this for the benefit of 'all' of society when they have contributed zero towards the future generation of workers.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 05/12/2022 11:51

Manager should sort it out but to punish the OP when she has no choice is ridiculous.

Who is punishing the OP? The colleague isn’t punishing her, she’s simply taking Christmas Day off, as her only day off over the Christmas period. It’s not for her to step in where the manager, or the child’s own father will not.

Manager should sort it out, is correct.

SleeplessInEngland · 05/12/2022 11:51

Goldenbear · 05/12/2022 11:47

SleeplessinEngland, the colleague told the OP that, she literally told her why they couldn't work the three hours, if it was a very sick relatives last Christmas or such like, the colleague would just say as it is a stronger argument, why are you afraid of labelling behaviour for what it is? Of course the bigger picture is relevant, if you don't have children but don't want to assist in bringing about a mutually beneficial society in the future, who is going to look after you when you need social care, how's making it as hard as possible going to benefit anyone- maybe get your head out of the sand!

The 'big picture' is that management should be better and it's ridiculous that employees can be put in this 'decide among yourselves' situation. That's a terrible working environment that will only breed resentment.