To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

Exactly. No one knows why this woman has requested Christmas, she could have her own circumstances. OP child doesn't trump her life.

I don’t think she’s a bitch. She just has some boundaries and had asked for 1 day off -versus the 14 of the OP’s

Have spoken to my manager and told him that I won't be able to go in for the hours he needs me I offered to work later hours but apparently that's too awkward of me. I have worked there for almost a 4 years and have worked 2 Xmas days 3 boxing days 2 new years eves and a new year's day I have never booked off a Xmas day before and have tried to find child care but I can not really afford it and that's even if I could find someone willing to work who has the right experience
It's very clear that some of you have never spent time with a Autistic child before and know absolutely nothing about caring for a child who has limited understanding and physical care needs. Management have said I will be getting a disaplinary but sod them my kid needs me more than I need this job.
Also I understand it was not fair to ask her to withdraw her holiday the very first thing I said was I felt bad about the situation.
And yes I did choose to have a child
But I did not choose to have a disabled child and I certainly didn't choose for his dad to walk out on us, leaving me completely alone, I have very few family members who can help with my son as he is very hard work and a lot of my relatives are elderly or live far away.

SleeplessinEngland, well it is not a fallacy- the facts are that the OP's position has only come about because she is a parent, the colleague's selfish attitude is relevant, posters are arguing these things are irrelevant to the argument, parents having some kind of advantage people have a problem with, they have a problem with OP who is being completely reasonable.

Your manager is an idiot not to look at this months ago. Getting childcare at Christmas is obviously very difficult, none of this is your fault.

Why didn't you follow up at the time?

It doesn't hurt to ask as long as you don't do it in a guilt tripping way, you acknowledge you are asking for a massive favour and perhaps offer her something in return.

Indeed. Maybe it's the last Christmas she can spend with a terminally ill relative.
It doesn't matter in fact, but people just need to have an open mind.

It's the manager's fault for not bloody managing this situation.

@Jessiejuju Do you have a HR department?

Exactly. Some people are being breathtakingly unrealistic about the possibility of arranging affordable, satisfactory childcare over Christmas (let alone for a child with special needs). Regular, paid-for childcare is not an option, which leaves favours from friends and family (not available to the OP on this occasion and harder to come by due to her child's needs) and emergency childcare solutions like a holiday nanny (totally unreasonable to expect someone on a carer's wage to pay for this).

I agree with the other posters that mumsnet used to be a supportive place for parents.

Well done OP for keeping it all together in a very difficult situation.

Take the disciplinary it won't mean much considering how desperate they are for staff.

Have you considered looking for a job as a TA? This would give you the time off you need over holidays. You could also sign up for agency care work during holidays and get to pick the shifts you can do and likely get paid more.

This is the better option now, as op has been told she needs to go in, and she CAN sort childcare out now, so simply saying "i cant" is refusing to go in to work.

Falling back on dependants leave, which can only be used for emergencies, is a legal right, so less likely to result in the sort of disciplinary action that just refusing to go in would.

You don't know what the colleague's circumstances are for wanting the day she requested off or what she's like in general. Saying she's 'selfish' is meaningless conjecture.

What isn't conjecture is the incompetence of the management. Settling these issues is precisely what management's for, and it isn't.

I assume that there is no way you could take your child with you as a one off and have them sit and read a book/play on a tablet?

Of course it affects her! So what if she doesn’t get there until 11! F me OP! Sort out your own childcare

You’ve offered to swap to a later shift and he’s told you you’re the one being awkward?! Wow. That says it all really, management are just being bloody minded for the sake of it now, you’ve shown them up to be incompetent and they don’t like it.
Id be writing to the owners telling them that you’re very sorry to be looking for another job, you’ve enjoyed being there but despite you trying your best to sort it out ( starting in April), none of your suggestions have been declared good enough and you’re done.
( but as I said earlier, I’m not known for entirely rational responses to situations (*cough grooming kit sailing through the air) I wouldn’t be letting management paint you as the bad guy here though when you are disciplined - I’d be getting in first and if that means my nose has been cut off then so be it.

She's asked for it off as she doesn't have childcare for her high needs child. Colleague could easily celebrate Xmas after the 3 hour early shift. OK she doesn't want to, and booked it off but let's not make out like op has asked her to cover a 14 hour shift or even one later in the day that would mean colleague missed lunch or couldn't drink. And one of Usk now what actual days the colleague is working, she's offered BD but the colleague may well have NYE/NYD day off too

I would have thought there would be some colleagues who would prefer an early shift so they could spend the rest of the day with their families.

Any way you can find out who else is rostered and see if they would swap by asking directly?

Yes it's a manager problem. They are paid more to address and resolve situations like this, not ask staff to resolve between themselves. When I've worked shifts in the past it was an expectation that a manager would step in and cover in situations like this, if it really couldn't be resolved otherwise and there were critical issues such as care of dependents.

OP I really feel for you. You are literally stuck and people just banging on about "childless people deserve an xmas too" which isn't the bloody point of it. You have no one to take care of your child, you should be priority and your colleague not conceding over 3 bloody hours when realistically makes no difference to them is ridiculous! stand your ground.

Main point I noticed is that you worked last Christmas Day, so it’s hugely unfair for them to ask you again this year regardless of your annual leave.

just take the disciplinary and remember that there are a lot of jobs in care so if this management team are going to be difficult you may be able to find somewhere else more accommodating to your situation.

The colleagues situation is a red herring, and totally irrelevant to position OP finds herself in. Hasn’t stopped people sticking the boot in. But that’s what I’d expect on MN nowadays

and have had all the days accepted except the xmas day shift

Bored????
Of course I can see it wasn't sorted....that's why I'm asking if the OP knew in April there was a possibility they couldn't have time off why hadn't they sorted a back up plan in the 8 months since.

Yes actually, I know exactly how difficult it is. I have a DS with severe enough SN that I have never been able to put into any kind of childcare outside school and the limited hours the LEA would provide support at nursery. As a result I claim carers allowance because I simply can't work.

Tbf if your DC is disabled enough to be on middle rate care or higher and you're a working a low wage job, you are unlikely to be better off working more than 16 hours than claiming carers and staying home to care for your child. In my son's case 16 hours wasn't possible because he was so frequently ill

And I know this because I've had to know. So actually I am rather qualified to criticise.

No way in the world would I take the mick of the limited options I do have, you never know when you need someone's goodwill. Especially if you have a child with SN.

I had a arrangement with my manager so I didn't work weekends

In a care role that sounds like quite a concession, especially since it'll mean the extra weekend shifts are falling on others, so with all your other days being okay'ed those others may start wondering just how much more you're going to want

As ever someone to watch the DCs isn't your employer's responsibility, so in this situation I'd suck up the expensive paid childcare if you really want Christmas off, and in the new year look for something that'll work better for you