To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

I would tell your manager as it is short notice if you can't get childcare you will need to be at home that day unless they can provide alternative care for your son.

It is not up to the two of you to decide, let the coward manager make the call and take the consequences.

Utterly unreasonable - and I say that having a child with SEN

My mum was a nurse and most Christmases she had half a shift (6 hours) it messed up christmas day but her job meant she had to go to work. Her having small children didn't trump anyone else who didn't. We had to get up at 5 to do presents before she went to work or do christmas dinner boxing day if it was the late shift. Just because you don't have young children doesn't mean you don't celebrate Christmas.

You have the entire 2 week period over Christmas off not many employers (apart from teachers) would be ok with this, I think given you are taking the entire time off you should give her Christmas day. She booked it at the same time by the sounds of it so there's 0 reason for you to get it over her. You having a disabled child or being a single mum shouldnt mean you get every christmas off, your circumstances are yours to deal with as harsh as that sounds. I'm sure you have family who can pop over, it's only 3 hours anyway.

You're in an impossible situation. You'll just have to say you can't do it and accept the disciplinary (if it comes to that, which I doubt). You've explored every other option and you're not going to be able to get suitable childcare on Christmas Day. There's nothing else you can do.

This. At this stage, there's really not much you can do. You can't magic up suitable childcare for your son from nowhere. YABU to suggest that your colleague cancel her leave but YANBU to tell your manager you won't be in.

Going forward, though, it might be sensible to consider looking for a job with more flexibility or where you can make your leave requirements clear from the start. There are huge staff shortages at the moment so there may be employers who will offer you more flexibility.

You're doing your best in a difficult situation. Sometimes things don't work out and the balls drop.

What's throwing Xmas lunch together whilst the kids run around you got to do with the thread tho? No one is going to dispute its hard work sorting Xmas Day as a line or sole parent. No one is denying it's hard leaving kids in Xmas morning. None of that means that people without kids should always be expected to do the shifts parents don't want. In this case, the colleague has AL and OP CANNOT work so they both need to make it clear they're not coming in.

FGS, children are not a private luxury- the advice on here is genuinely short sighted, effectively the Scrooges would go back to Dicken's Victorian Britain, 'your child, your problem', Thatcher's, 'no such thing as society' views abound on here. Yes, the best solution here is make it pretty much impossible for a lone parent to go to work as she can't be as flexible as those without children (future tax payers), let that family slip in to poverty, let's not future proof the economy, forget about good outcomes for children, in fact forget about welfare for children all together as any advantage parents have is simply, 'unfair'🙄.

Oh and it is irrelevant if you have and manage this, what do you want a gold medal, even if you have no help a) i don't believe you b) try and use your imagination to understand this country can't afford even more people opting to not work in social care, the OP didn't have last Christmas off either, I realise everyday how lucky I am to work in a job that has so many perks and good money. I wonder how many criticising this OP have a similar level of perks.

The manager is totally out of order passing the buck on this.

The set up with leave at my work is similar. You can't ask for Christmas Day etc as annual leave. In around Aug/Sept we get asked to submit our preferences for the festive season, which days we'd ideally like off. Its then down to management to make the decision. Its based on how many can be off, who was off last year etc. They did suggest one year many moons ago that people with children get preference. There was nearly a riot and they backtracked pretty quickly & it was never suggested again.

It would be carnage if they said X number can be off - sort it out

That's the management's problem. Or are you suggesting the OP leaves her disabled 4 year old home alone to prioritize her clients?

I'm assuming by your post you knew back in April that there was a possibility that you'd have to work Christmas day.
Is there a reason why you didn't sort out childcare just in case it was needed?

So your colleague has no days off over the Christmas period, is that right? I've read all your messages and that seems to be the case, if so, YABU, totally unreasonable to expect them not to have any time off. You have three weeks to fix this, if you have no family available, you need to find somebody who can meet him ahead of time and who he can get used to. It's unfortunate, but you equally shouldn't have booked the two weeks if it means your colleague gets no time. She's not responsible for your problems.

The one familiar pattern you tend to see again and again on here with parents of Sen children is an awful lot of unnecessary pampering over the smallest dramas

As much as I think the Ozp is BU, as the mother of a child with ASC, this is a really cunty thing to say. Next time one of DS’ small dramas aka autistic meltdowns lands me in A&E I’ll be sure to remind myself that I’m just pampering him unnecessarily and don’t really need stitches/tetanus/whatever.

I totally disagree with you
What about swapping another one of the days then when you could get your mom to watch your son when she isn't at work?

Christmas Day is impossible to find a babysitter for unless you're a millionaire and your child isn't disabled which isn't the case for OP. The other two weeks are irrelevant she is entitled to them so it doesn't matter if they are in august or December ? That doesn't affect the rightness of her dates off

If you had NO fucking help and had no money and a disabled child you would be crushed that your colleague was not going to dig in for this

Pray to god you're never in this situation

This. Delivering a John Lewis worthy Christmas is a pressure you are putting on yourself. No one is forcing you.

Sorry if this has been asked, how long have you worked there?

@Jessiejuju OhChristmasTreeOhChristmasTreeFaLaLa

But she isn't asking for every Xmas off. She worked last one. And she DOESN'T HAVE ANY CHILDCARE for the 4ish hours she'll actually be out the house. The Dad isn't in the picture. Not OPs fault. The Mom is working Xmas Eve and clearly doesn't feel she's able to provide safe childcare for those hours (and given she usually helps we can assume she's not just being harsh).

So whilst I agree colleague doesn't have to go in, OP can't either.

I think your colleague is thoughtless. It doesn't surprise me though, people have no idea what its like to be a lone parent with a disabled child!

Bollocks to this. And i would say this to anyone in any industry. Much as i like my colleagues (most of them) I don't actually give a flying fuck about their personal circumstances if their wishes came directly up against my wishes. And sure, they can ask me if they would like me to help them out, and very much depending on what my plans were, i may or may not agree. But.

Some of my colleagues are all take take take and "wah wah wah i have kids yours have left home" and i have no compunction in reminding them about all the work dos i missed because no baby sitter, and how many lunchtimes i worked so i could get my work finished so i could leave work vaguely on time, and how often i was at my desk prior to 7am to do the same. So the working relationship counts too.

Which is another reason why it really is a management problem to solve. It takes the personal out of it.

You need to get a little more assertive here. You can’t work it so that’s it really isn’t it. Just state to your manager calmly you can’t work it and you won’t be in. What else is there to do? This is care work, surely you can walk into another job in ten minutes flat if you need to. I wouldn’t stress about it anymore. You’ve asked, she can’t work it, neither can you, managers problem now.

So whilst I agree colleague doesn't have to go in, OP can't either

This is the absolute crux of it. OP CAN NOT go in, so management need to find a solution not leave it to OP to stress over and beg for favours from colleagues.

Apologies if this has already been posted, I have skimmed and read OP's posts.

This might be worth having in your back pocket OP. You do have some protection against being sacked if your reason for not turning up on the day is that you are giving essential care to your dependant. It looks like technically it would have to be that you had a childcare arrangement and it fell through. This is separate to parental leave which they are allowed to push back on for business reasons.

www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants/taking-time-off

Totally agree with PPs' point that this needs to be pushed back to the manager to sort, not one colleague pressuring another. Consider if a compromise might be possible, eg you can only come in from 8am.

Your manager is being really poor. Would it be possible to switch with someone who has a shift later on Xmas day?

YANBU. Maybe your boss can bring in agency staff to cover?

Is there a reason you got bored reading the first post and didn't see that this WASN'T sorted in April?

A lot of strawmanning in that post, but no-one's saying the OP doesn't have it tough. They're just saying this is a management issue, not a selfish colleague issue.

I think given you are taking the entire time off you should give her Christmas day.

And who is going to look after the OP's child?

It’s ridiculous they are making you sort it out. It’s your employer that needs the cover so they can decide. Just say you are going to work it then call in on Christmas Day and say your childcare cancelled on you. It’s too late to make alternative arrangement so it’s a win win. And your employer will learn a lesson too.