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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

1000 replies

Jessiejuju · 05/12/2022 09:17

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

OP posts:
SavoirFlair · 05/12/2022 11:02

stopbeeping · 05/12/2022 10:54

Oh this is such a tricky one

What job do you even do that is so important on Christmas Day?

Possibly one of the most important jobs in society?

but you had to get your little dig in didn’t you @stopbeeping …

Mamaneedsadrink · 05/12/2022 11:02

DCwow · 05/12/2022 09:20

Oh yeah I forgot! If you don’t have children then Christmas and family means absolutely nothing to you!

This

KeeefBurtain · 05/12/2022 11:02

Honestly, take the disciplinary and stay home with your son.
my 2 youngest have NV ASD with no understanding of what christmas even is, so I know firsthand you’ll be hard pressed to find available childcare for Xmas day, let alone somewhere that can meet his care needs.

tell your manager you can’t come to a compromise between you, but that you won’t be coming in either way so they will have to come up with a different solution. I can’t actually believe they have put the onus on you two in the first place - that’s their job!

Untitledsquatboulder · 05/12/2022 11:03

Peashoots · 05/12/2022 10:59

Op care work will always require you to work unsociable hours including Christmas Day. People advising you to quit and find another care job are way off the mark-it’s part and parcel of the job. Could you find a job in a school-cover supervisor or admin staff? Or retrain as a nursery nurse or teaching assistant. This year in your shoes I’m afraid I’d be calling in sick. Nothing you can do really is there. I do feel for you, sounds tough. 💐

It's not it being "part and parcel" of the job that the OP has a problem with. Its this particular day in this particular year.

whynotwhatknot · 05/12/2022 11:03

I usually get annoyed at the kids vs no kids thing at xmas-dh is always asked to swap because his kids are adults-its irrelevantbut, this is about childcare issues not having a lovely christmas morning

just take the discplinary op theres not much else you can do -the manager is being weak unless you can go higher?

walkinwardrobe · 05/12/2022 11:04

This is a manager's job, don't do it for her/him.
Comunicate that you won't be coming in. Don't pressure colleague, she's not paid to sort this out.

SavoirFlair · 05/12/2022 11:04

op @Jessiejuju i really feel for you.

You have a coward of a line manager who possibly favours your other colleague over you somehow.

For the line manager to say “sort it out amongst yourselves” was their way of hoping you’d back down.

when you didn’t, their “well you’ve got every other day off in that block” is also a cop out.

They might as well not have a first come first serve booking system if the decisions are so arbitrary.

You have a line manager problem - your line manager needs to make it clear why the other person is given the day off you’d requested first.

Tessabelle74 · 05/12/2022 11:04

@Flapjackquack I'm a twat? I'm not the one calling people names though am I? The OP changed what she said, there's no getting away from that. If she can't work, she can't work, take the consequences of the disciplinary. At no point has this been the colleagues problem to sort

SavoirFlair · 05/12/2022 11:04

walkinwardrobe · 05/12/2022 11:04

This is a manager's job, don't do it for her/him.
Comunicate that you won't be coming in. Don't pressure colleague, she's not paid to sort this out.

Agreed.

this is exactly what I’ve just said @Jessiejuju - your “manager” doesn’t want to manage, so hopes you two will fight it out

caringcarer · 05/12/2022 11:04

@hospital2022, so you are suggesting none of them work Xmas day? Who will look after clients needing care then? Do you suggest just leaving them on Xmas day with no carer?

Kinneddar · 05/12/2022 11:05

Ch3wylemon · 05/12/2022 11:01

I think you are out of the country for the whole two weeks of your annual leave aren't you OP? Wink

But she doesn't have 2 whole weeks. Thats the entire problem. No matter how you try & dress it she's rostered to work Christmas Day

sheepdogdelight · 05/12/2022 11:05

Brefugee · 05/12/2022 10:57

Because management said the leave is allocated on a needs basis.

but management were wrong to say that. And that will breed resentment, which is possibly already there due to OP never having to work weekends. What should happen is that management cover the Christmas Day shifts.

I realise that OP will have paraphrased, but I assume this means that leave will be allocated on the basis of caring duties that need to be provided i.e. will we need 1 person or 4. Not that they allocate leave on the basis of who needs it most.

MarthaJonesPhone · 05/12/2022 11:06

stopbeeping · 05/12/2022 11:00

This isn't about having a child
It's about having someone at home who is disabled and reliant on the OP

This raises so many wider questions about welfare and DLA
I am disgusted to see someone so stressed and upset about a shift worth £30
Our country is in pieces
I am so sorry you're in this fucking awful situation OP

I would help you if we were close by

You've had a terrible year you poor thing

Totally agree.

This isn't about wanting Christmas off just because you have children. You need it off because you have a disabled child.

I think your colleague is thoughtless. It doesn't surprise me though, people have no idea what its like to be a lone parent with a disabled child!

FestiveFruitloop · 05/12/2022 11:06

I also know what it takes to deliver a John Lewis ad-worthy Christmas for 10 people single-handedly, with no childcare.

So? That has no relevance to this thread.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/12/2022 11:06

caringcarer · 05/12/2022 11:04

@hospital2022, so you are suggesting none of them work Xmas day? Who will look after clients needing care then? Do you suggest just leaving them on Xmas day with no carer?

That's for the manager to sort now isnt it? If OP genuinely gets Nora virus Xmas Eve after having dinner with her colleague, will the manager just lock the door and let the clients fend for themselves? No. So he can sort something with a few weeks notice.

FTY765 · 05/12/2022 11:07

This thread is a great argument for the "No annual leave over Christmas or New Year" rules some care places have!

Brefugee · 05/12/2022 11:07

I realise that OP will have paraphrased, but I assume this means that leave will be allocated on the basis of caring duties that need to be provided i.e. will we need 1 person or 4. Not that they allocate leave on the basis of who needs it most.

ah, @sheepdogdelight thank you - that makes much more sense!
I still think management should be covering, or getting agency staff, since it's a management failure that they haven't sorted this out yet.

stopbeeping · 05/12/2022 11:08

@SavoirFlair

Think you didn't understand the tone of my post It's not a dig it was supposed to be a reassurance that nothing is as important as her disabled child right now
It makes people feel more alone when they get suggestions of neighbours or vague aquaintaces looking after their child
The problem is we don't pay people enough who work in care and we don't pay enough for care to be given

The pay she receives is awful for the depth of what she does then she comes home and cares again

Why isn't there a law to protect parents of disabled children

Surely there are more than two carers looking after this load of patients
Is there nobody else at all at the home who can help OP?

I would message my manager and be really transparent

Since you worked last year on Christmas Day why do you have to do it again? Did your colleague work CD last year?

Peashoots · 05/12/2022 11:08

Untitledsquatboulder · 05/12/2022 11:03

It's not it being "part and parcel" of the job that the OP has a problem with. Its this particular day in this particular year.

Show quote history

Did you even read my post? I know it’s not, I’m referring to the other posters suggesting that care jobs are ten a penny and OP should just get another one. That won’t solve her problem. I’m very sympathetic to the op, it’s a horrible situation to be in.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 05/12/2022 11:09

I think your colleague is thoughtless. It doesn't surprise me though, people have no idea what its like to be a lone parent with a disabled child!

It’s not the colleagues issue though. That’s just not how it works. I’d be handing my notice in too if I was the colleague expected to step in where the child’s own father won’t.

FTY765 · 05/12/2022 11:09

I think your colleague is thoughtless. It doesn't surprise me though, people have no idea what its like to be a lone parent with a disabled child!

FFS. You have no idea about the colleagues circumstances. It's not her problem to sort out. She asked for AL and has made plans accordingly. Management should have sorted this out months ago.

SleeplessInEngland · 05/12/2022 11:09

I think your colleague is thoughtless. It doesn't surprise me though, people have no idea what its like to be a lone parent with a disabled child!

But it's still not the colleague's problem - as much as management are trying to make it so.

butterfliedtwo · 05/12/2022 11:09

Bobbins36 · 05/12/2022 09:51

Colleague having one day off and you are having the full 2 weeks minus one day. She’s quite right and entitled to the holiday she got approved prior to yours.

Agree.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 05/12/2022 11:09

This is extremely bad management.

Line Managers are paid to sort out this type of issue, not just pass the buck down the line. Not least, the type of buck that risks causing division within the team they manage.

LM needs to start doing their job. No splitting hairs as to the semantics on either side: OP's need is obvious on the issue of childcare, her colleague's claim is legitimate in that childless employees are too often expected to pick up the slack for those who do have children. (All the more reason to keep personal information strictly to yourself in a working environment and give away as little as you can get away with).

In this LM's shoes, I'd simply check the rota as to who covered this shift last year, and give it to the other person. It's the only way of making a clear, impartial decision.

Redkettle · 05/12/2022 11:10

Can't you do half the day each. Not read whole thread x

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