To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

Oh this is such a tricky one

What job do you even do that is so important on Christmas Day?

I'm sure being distressed because he doesn't know someone well in the house just for an hour or so isn't going to scar him for life
Jesus fucking Christ. You think it's OK to leave a child in distress for an hour, a child who doesn't have the understanding of a typical 4 yo, and to expect a friend or neighbour to sit there with said distressed child for an hour and be OK with that? Is that honestly how you parented your SEN kids - well if they get distressed they'll get over it? Because you're wither neglectful or talking our of your arse

I was asked to do this once. it was horrible. All 3 of us wanted the same days off for good reasons e.g. Holiday booked, minor surgery, and in my case the nursery was closed, I had zero childcare. We discussed it and I emailed the boss explaining we all want it for valid reasons, could we get agency staff in? That's what she ended up doing. Because none of us were going to come in. Ask if they could do the same, because of lack of childcare you definitely wouldn't be able to come in.

If colleague wants to sit on the couch all day eating chocolate without a care in the world its her right to do so, why should she need to justify to the nth degree what she is doing with her time off just because she's childless

Because management said the leave is allocated on a needs basis.

Yes

@Brefugee i did say that wasn’t an entirely serious suggestion - calm down 🙃

You are in a crap situation but I think your colleague is getting a lot of flack unfairly in this thread.

You are making a lot of assumptions about her and her Christmas plans. For all you know she is spending a last Christmas with a dying relative. I am sorry but she is entitled to have her Christmas as much as you are. You have no idea what is going on in her life.

By the sounds of things you need to make long-term arrangements as this not working weekends agreement with your manager is not going to last forever.

Could your Mom not stay up for a few hours while you work? Not ideal but a possible solution.

Not sure what you want me to read. She wants her colleague to withdraw their leave that was approved back in April

@Survey99 read the OP's post at 10:11

Even if you didn't read that, where did you read that the colleague's leave was approved in April?

If you read the thread, or even just the OP's posts, you'd know that.

You're not being unfair to ask. But the she's not being u fair to decline. Essentially I'd be speaking to the manager and advising that you will have to consider resignation. It's in the companies best interests to try to work something out so that the shift is covered and you don't end up leaving a job you otherwise enjoy/ presumably this would cause them a headache also in terms of recruitment and training. If you're in a union, I would speak to your union rep and perhaps ask them to help you negotiate with the manager.

Because management said the leave is allocated on a needs basis.

but management were wrong to say that. And that will breed resentment, which is possibly already there due to OP never having to work weekends. What should happen is that management cover the Christmas Day shifts.

Can’t you suggest that the manager work the shift? 😈

She doesn't, but rather than the op trying to find a work around, and in terms of working relationships going forward, it's worth OP considering that her colleague isn't just watching op have to quit her job for no reason other than she feels like it. Abd it would apy if she had a partner and 6 kids equally. I'd still assume the colleague would try to find a compromise with OP unless there was something bigger going on. I have three kids, but I understand if someone needed to work Xmas morning, my kids care needs can be met by DH, and OPs kids care needs can only be met by OP

I also said she needs to put it back on her manger not her colleague.

I feel for you OP, but your colleague also has a life despite not having children.

I think you need to discuss with her and take it in turns to have xmas day off.

What a weird thread. The OP has no childcare and on Christmas Day won't be able to find any. Just tell them this @Jessiejuju , just throw it back to them to deal with. You don't have to find £100 for emergency care, places are begging for care workers atm. If your current employer doesn't like it they can take it to disciplinary-and you can walk into another job at any time.

Op care work will always require you to work unsociable hours including Christmas Day. People advising you to quit and find another care job are way off the mark-it’s part and parcel of the job. Could you find a job in a school-cover supervisor or admin staff? Or retrain as a nursery nurse or teaching assistant. This year in your shoes I’m afraid I’d be calling in sick. Nothing you can do really is there. I do feel for you, sounds tough. 💐

@Jessiejuju Did your colleague work Xmas day last year ?

If she didn't, there's your leverage with your manager.

You say you worked it last year so surely you get priority for that day this year ?

I see this as the managements decision, they need to step up and stop being a coward.

If management have said the Xmas day holiday will be decided on November and based on needs, that up to them to decide.

There is no way you both asked at exactly the same time so whoever's email landed on the desk first or request was submitted first gets the leave.

Some management really are hopeless, what a great way to build a good working team, fighting out Christmas Day leave, ridiculous.

This isn't about having a child
It's about having someone at home who is disabled and reliant on the OP

This raises so many wider questions about welfare and DLA
I am disgusted to see someone so stressed and upset about a shift worth £30
Our country is in pieces
I am so sorry you're in this fucking awful situation OP

I would help you if we were close by

You've had a terrible year you poor thing

Care. So someone has to work. Manager or Agency staff.

Well if you think about the kinds of places that are operating on Christmas Day, it's going to be care, hospitality or essential national services, isn't it?

You don't think there's any possibility that those without children have other caring responsibilities - looking after elderly relatives, for example?

Just because someone doesn't have kids doesn't automatically mean they're as free as a bird.

I think you are out of the country for the whole two weeks of your annual leave aren't you OP?

Well OP worked last Xmas Day....