To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

😂😂

If you guys normally get on, and she's refusing to trade a few hours Xmas morning for Boxing Day, is it possible op that there's something else going on? Sick relative, caring responsibilities you don't know about?

Is it possible that its none. of. the. OPs. BUSINESS?

If colleague wants to sit on the couch all day eating chocolate without a care in the world its her right to do so, why should she need to justify to the nth degree what she is doing with her time off just because she's childless

Or go in an hour late....

Its unusual that anyone in the care sector gets annual leave over Christmas and new year, if you are off Christmas eve, Christmas day and boxing day then I can understand how another colleague might want the Christmas day off if its on offer.

Yes, it is. I have done both and know what it takes to leave small children on Christmas Day for work. I also know what it takes to deliver a John Lewis ad-worthy Christmas for 10 people single-handedly, with no childcare. I shudder at how you all seem to think I have never worked Christmas just because I’m a SAHM now.

@Jessiejuju I think your best solution would be to say to your manager these are the hours I can get childcare on Christmas Day.
I will work those hours but I am unable not unwilling to work the hours you currently expect.

Sorry if this has already been mentioned but could you both come to a compromise and both work a half day? You have the morning at home with DS, then work the afternoon/evening and your colleague

Its a really shit position to be in, the manager should not expect you both to work it out between you.

I hope something gets sorted for you OP.

@SleepingStandingUp being blunt but l wouldn’t be getting involved in her problems, she needs to solve them. I have my own problems. Which don’t include working every Christmas until the end of time because colleagues want Christmas off and / or say they have “childcare issues”. She has nearly 2 weeks off, no one where l work has anything close to this. The consensus of opinion if l asked my colleagues, would be she’s done really well to get that

but in her original post this was the crux of her argument. That's not up for debate its just fact.

She insinuated that colleague didn't need this time of because she's childless and for that she is BU

It literally says in the OP it's a 3 hour shift 7-10am.

Is it actually realistic to find paid childcare on Christmas Day? And do you actually have the cash for it?

If no to either id explain this to your boss and say that as a result if you don’t have the day as annual leave you will have to take it as unpaid parental leave instead so either way you won’t be there as there is nobody to watch your child. Your boss is being incredibly unfair telling you to sort it between yourselves.

"I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids"

.....

Yes, still BU.
It's a shit situation but the colleague doesn't have to qualify their no with any explanation. Shitty management caused this situation, not the colleague.

Op I feel for you in these circumstances. If you genuinely don't have childcare on Christmas Day then you need to just finalise plans with your manager and tell them you can't work it and take the consequences. Christmas Day is the worst day of the year to outsource paid childcare, and even if you have a friend who would normally help, lots of people go away or have their own commitments.

Btw I'm a parent but in these circumstances I'd cover for you as it's only 3 hours and I have a dh who would care for dc.

No, but they are the manager's problem.
What do you suggest she do to "solve" it?
She's already explained what she's done on all Sundays so far (not work, as she has an arrangement for flexible working) and on the Sundays in Dec (her mum has taken those weekends off, but can't care for DGS that particular Sunday morning).

This is, indeed, a problem for the manager NOT the employees to fight out.

Maybe Christmas day didn't need to be booked off as the OP was only working weekdays and this year Xmas day is a Sunday. She says that this has happened as a colleague left in November. Maybe someone else in the team could cover it eg the Manager or agency staff.

Thats really tough OP! Not sure what the right answer is. Can you afford to find the money for the child care?

Given that it would seem that your remaining option is to quit the job if you need to work Christmas Day one option would be to write to your manager and a senior manager via email outlining your personal circumstances. Copy in HR if you have it.

You have a disabled child and as his sole carer it is impossible for you to work Christmas Day as there is no available paid for child care. You cannot leave him, this is a safeguarding risk (obviously you would never do this, but worth noting the safeguarding risk). You understand that the other colleague is entitled to the holiday. However, you requested the leave very early and have only just been informed it is not possible. Given that you can’t find care for your disabled child, you feel that this employment may become untenable. You would ask that they allow this leave as you have no other option.

Being a carer is not a protected characteristic however, you can be in directly discriminated against as a carer for a disabled child. It’s not a clear cut claim but they may back down. That being said, I would only pursue this as a last resort as it may sour working relationships with your manager.

Could you swap with someone who has a different shift that day? They might be more than happy to swap if it means they get the day/lunch with their family, or they don’t care about working Christmas and aren’t fussed about what time

@Tessabelle74 - now you are just being a twat. I am glad you have complete insight and knowledge of the situation though, what an amazing skill to have.

To be fair reading on she straight away that she is a single parent to a 4 year old autistic child and literally has no childcare, so she actually cannot work. She’s explained in detail why nobody can watch him… your snapshot isn’t fair. If she can’t get childcare then she literally can’t go in to work anyway and would have to face whatever consequences so her need is different to the other persons wether you like it or not. If she had just said ‘I have kids, she doesn’t, I don’t want to work Christmas’ then fair enough, but that’s not the case.

If you both booked Xmas day in April on day leave calendar became available and you have been granted all other days around Xmas and New Year then it is only fair your colleague who presumably booked on the same day calendar became available has Xmas day off if that is all she is asking for. You have said you can get childcare just it will be expensive. I would not be happy if I had a selfish colleague who literally booked every day off around Xmas and NY and left none for others to have time off then. Everybody wants time off around as and NY and surely that time off should be shared. How would you like it if your colleague booked literally every day off around Xmas and NY and you were expected to work every day?

Ding Dong “ good morning colleague ( while handing over child and bag of stuff ) thanks so much for looking after child so I can cover the shift that you knew I wouldn’t be able to do and that’s why i booked it off in my request - back later”

fuck off with that - it is not up to OPs colleague, no matter how dire OP's needs are, to cover her childcare. Not at all.

it is up to management to make the rota. OP is onto a good thing here already not getting work on weekends, I'm sure this plays a part in the colleague's decision making about working or not.

I know lots of people who work in industries (like hospitality and care) who are absolutely not allowed holidays over Christmas, everyone gets rostered on at some point, and anyone who says "yes yes yes" then pulls a "sickie" doesn't last long at all after that, particularly when they need favours. It is too late now but OP and colleague needed to have made contingency plans back when the boss said the Christmas das shifts would be decided in November. As a working parent you have to have plans B through at least G for times like this. It is hard, and especially in OPs case with the absent father and little family support, it is really hard and i have a lot of sympathy.

OP is digging her heels in (for reasons), which is fair enough. OP's colleague is also digging her heels in (presumably she has reasons which may well be "because i want Christmas off" which is also valid)

This needs to be pushed back on management. But i would caution against suddenly announcing that you're unable to turn up on the day or close to it, because that's a bit of a dick move. Management must sort this. And sort it soon.

When I booked Xmas day in April we were all told that holidays for Xmas day would be evaluated in November and assigned on a needs basis

Well there you go then.

You were told it would be done on a needs basis. Your need is clearly greater.

Go back to your manager, explain you and colleague cannot agree. Remind manager that they said it would be allocated on a needs basis. Tell manager why you need the leave. Also mention that you worked Xmas last year. Your colleague can make her own case for why she needs the leave, and your manager can decide.

This is the manager’s job to sort out and if they have already said it will be done on need then they ought to stick to that.

People really cannot begin to imagine how it is for parents of disabled children, for the vast majority of them childcare just doesn't exist and many find themselves unexpectedly battling through as single parents. Most really do want and need to work.

You have other points that your manager doesn't seem to have considered:

1. Parent-Carers are entitled to Carers Leave for situation like this, among others.
2. Parent-carers are also protected from Indirect Discrimination, so should not be treated less favourably because they had to take time off for Caring etc (as someone already shared that link to the Contact website)
3. You work in Care, where right now just about every Care Agency is crying out for more staff. You can always change employers.
4. The Manager has known you are a parent-carer for some time and should never have put you and your colleague in this situation.
5. Is the Manager able to cover the shift? 😁

Unfortunately your child care issues are not your colleagues problem, regardless of what she is doing it has nothing to do with you OP.

if it were me, I’d cover for you however I’m also of the opinion that she may just want to spend time with her family, she may not have kids but she does have family and your lifestyle choices shouldn’t impact on your colleagues.