To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

Believing children are just a lifestyle choice is what annoys parents. We are bringing up the future tax payers, the people who will be in the jobs that keep the country running that you will no longer able to do when you are old.

Is that why you chose to have children? If so we owe you a debt of gratitude.

I feel sympathy for the OP but her reasoning of "I have kids you dont therefore how dare you not bend to my will" is entitlement at its worst.

You've deliberately misinterpreted what OP has said. You can clearly read that it's more complicated than 'i have children, I'm special.'

Back in Christmas 2020 myself and 2 colleagues all wanted the same dates off. We all asked at the same time, all at the same grade / similar skills and 1 of us had a child. Everyone compromised and got some of what we wanted.
You don’t always get everything you want in this life and you’ve got most of Christmas / New Year off. Did you work Christmas Day last year?

You do remind me of a colleague who was off sick all year, returned a few weeks ago and booked all of Christmas / New Year off (one of our busiest times of year). She got told no, as it would have meant the people who did work weekend / bank holidays couldn’t take our days in lieu until well into the New Year. Plus she’s doing none of the weekends / bank holidays like the rest of us. I’m doing Christmas Day this year so l get the 30th off for a family occasion

@Tessabelle74 but if you kept reading you’d see the OP clearly says her manager said they’d sort out Christmas Day in November.

It is also the problem of the people that she is supposed to be caring for that day if neither of them turn up for work.

You didn't get an eye roll for being a SAHM, I am one too. You got it for the "I have a job which makes me work Xmas Day" nonsense. That's any parent who will spend Xmas Day with their child. Any adult who will be cooking lunch Xmas Day. Nothing to do with yo u being a SAHM, which isn't a "job". It's a lifestyle choice or necessity but not a job.

Perhaps she did, perhaps she didn't.
If she's been told the same as OP, at the same time, then she's probably pissed off. Her family would have got food in and expected to host x amount of people. Maybe she had her husband have made plans for Christmas Eve or Christmas morning that she doesn't feel like cancelling.
This is poor management.

@EL8888 - OP already said she worked Christmas Day last year. Perhaps read OPs comments before assassinating her character.

Well yes, but again thats managements issue and they should be sorting it out not leaving the two of them to fight it out.

She worked Xmas last year.

She has no one to care for her autistic child.

Do you think she should leave her 4 yo alone Xmas morning to go to work, or quit and rely on benefits?

Other option OP, could he come with you as a visitor, if you work as a carer in an elderly people’s home would he be able to decorate (to the best of his ability) some cards to give out or similar?

When DM was in a nursing home we would visit on Christmas Day and some of the staff members families would be there, which was nice for the residents who didn’t have visitors. I understand his disability massively complicates this though and it may not be possible

Oh @Jessiejuju i really feel for you. You’ve been well and truly fucked over by management.
I think my response would depend on my mood at the time ( but I once threw my entire grooming kit ( in its box) at my then boss when he was having a go at me, so I’m not great 🤣)

1. “sorry management - I’ve tried and there is nobody to take care of my child for the 4 hours it will need, so I won’t be in. If you’d like to find me a specialist child carer and pay for them then that’s great - let me know”

2. Ding Dong “ good morning colleague ( while handing over child and bag of stuff ) thanks so much for looking after child so I can cover the shift that you knew I wouldn’t be able to do and that’s why i booked it off in my request - back later”

3. if you work in a care home - can he go in with you? If that’s an option ( maybe you could take him in during the run up to it and there might be some of the people he takes a shine to who’d love the company of a little one for a few hours on Christmas Day? You could pop back and forth and check they are all ok during your shift) caveat here - I know NOTHING about the care industry, so this is probably not doable. Apologies if this is the case

Id be looking for another job right now I think - and tell them that you can start after Christmas.but I’d also be looking into constructive dismissal or something - surely it would come under that banner? They’ve made it impossible for you to do your job…

I think it’s shit. I always used to do Christmas and Boxing Day if I could, childless and when Sophie was young - but before I had her, when I was head nurse then as far as I was concerned any stuff like this with any of my nurses was offered out and if none of them wanted to cover then I’d do it. Part of my responsibility and why I got paid more than them.

really hope you can sort something out that works out for you. It’s double shit when you’ve worked previous ones and you’ve got a bloody good reason for not being available for this year.

OP clearly stated, more than once, that she worked last Christmas!

This year her circumstances have changed and she got her holiday request in at the very first opportunity! Plus her work are fully aware of her home circumstances. Her manager now needs to actually manage the situation!

And some posters need to stop internalising threads like this!

YABU solely because your reasoning is essentially "I have kids a 4 yo with autism and no one who can have him and they don't have any caring needs, therefore I'm my child's care needs are more important".
Corrected it for you. Still BU?

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Yeah this attitude can just fuck off so what if your colleague doesn’t have children? Why is her right less than yours?

Who asked first?

Ding Dong “ good morning colleague ( while handing over child and bag of stuff ) thanks so much for looking after child so I can cover the shift that you knew I wouldn’t be able to do and that’s why i booked it off in my request - back later”

@Trudij123 * *get real.

The only fair solution is that your manager works the shift.

They said they would look at Xmas leave in November and allocate it on a needs basis. They aren’t even trying to do what they said they would do.

Im sorry they are so shit at their job

@Flapjackquack you mean the OP changed it to garner more sympathy?

Oh yeah thats absolutely comparable 🙄

So absolutely nothing like having to go into work & be away from your family. Which explains your sense of entitlement

Families are more than just children

How to clearly show you couldn't be arsed to read the thread!

And even if you asked first, your reasoning makes you unreasonable. You say it’s because your colleague doesn’t have children. That is unreasonable.

If you guys normally get on, and she's refusing to trade a few hours Xmas morning for Boxing Day, is it possible op that there's something else going on? Sick relative, caring responsibilities you don't know about?

Ultimately tho this is a management issue. He's said sort it or YOU get disciplined which means he's given it her. Tell him you understand but your giving him notice now you won't be in. It's u pto him from there.

Not sure what you want me to read. She wants her colleague to withdraw their leave that was approved back in April.

She wrongly assumed/hoped her manager would give her Christmas off based on a misunderstanding on her part of what was said. She is absolutely allowed to ask colleague if they can help out, colleague is allowed to say sorry it is 3 weeks before Xmas and I have plans.

It is shit and I hope she finds a solution, but it is ultimately not her colleagues or managers responsibility either legally or morally.

Yeah, that one was more of an “I’d love to just do that to someone” tongue in cheek suggestion - not a real one.

it’s not the colleagues fault at all - it’s definitely management caused rather than anything else.