To ask my colleague to withdraw christmas holiday request.

[Jessiejuju]

OK I feel terrible about this but me and my colleague who I get on with quite well normally have both requested Xmas day off but our manager has said that only one of us can have it off and that we need to sort ot out.I have asked her to withdraw her request as her and her husband they have no kids normally go to her husbands parents on Xmas day but they also go everyweek so it's not like they never see them where as I on the other hand have a 4 year old Autistic son he normaly goes to nursery but his nursery closes 1 week before christmas and doesn't open until next year the shift in question is a 3 hour shift between 7 and 10 in the morning so she and her husband could still be at his parents for lunch time where as because I am a single mama and the nurseries are closed I have no one to watch my son yes I could pay someone but it would be extremely expensive and he would most likely be very distressed with having someone he is unfamiliar with in his home plus it would be difficult for said person as my son is non verbal.
I do feel bad asking her to do this but if she won't then I am going to have no choice but to leave my job.

YABU, of course you are.

OP, have you considered trying to get employment as a teaching assistant?
You’d get weekends and school holidays off.
I think you’d likely have lots of transferable skills from care.

I understand how difficult it must be, but don't presume you know everything about your colleagues situation. She has booked the day off and shouldn't have to deal with someone pressuring her to work. Your manager should deal with this instead of passing the buck.

If childcare will cost you £100 then offer her £50 to take the shift.

Have you tried all your family and all of your ex's family?
What about friends? I looked after my sons' school friend for a free hours on xmas afternoon as his parent were both emergency services workers and had been stuck on opposite shifts. They had a few hours in the afternoon which they couldnt cover and their families were being really awkward about agreed so I did it. Can you ask anyone?

Are you unfamiliar with the fact that many parents of children with SEN struggle? Especially single parents who have only one income and only one family.

If you RTFT she has answered about weekends and family.

What would you do then? Just quit?

How is the OP supposed to go to work though when she has physical care of a child?

for future years if you do want to find childcare for those hours I think that your best bet would be to ask nursery staff if any of them would be interested in working it. Offer a lot of money!

But given you’ve already got this far down the road this year I would apologise to your manager profusely, explain that you’ve done the best you can but have been unable to find cover and so managers choice is between you come in with your child or not at all.

Be helpful, apologetic and stick to your guns. They won’t sack you if you’re otherwise good at your job.

Are you on a zero hour contract?

@OwwwMuuuum I have 4 kids, youngest is 6 but no way I believe I get priority for Christmas! First come first served!

🙄

Op you are not going to get useful/supportive replies on this thread- stop apologising for being a parent. Mumsnet used the supportive to parents, I've been on here since 2006 but it should be renamed as not the same anymore.

Do childless people not have rights too?

You do have options OP. They’re just costly.

It’s now up to you to decide whether to pay for childcare and keep your job, or face the disciplinary and lose your job and income (but in an industry where your job is in demand so you can find another one easily).

Did your partner abandon you and disappear a few months ago?
Do you have a non-verbal autistic child?
Do you have limited support from adults to care for your non-verbal autistic child still in nappies?

Somebody’s else child is not the childless persons problem

You’ve fucked the Christmas spirt in oner there.
What a horrible attitude.
I get everyone has priorities but the person with a child is usually only going to need Christmas off as a reason between toddler and teen. They restate if their working lives they can rotate with overseas family, aged parents and working partners same as the rest.

@Katapolts she's had 7 months to arrange something! She could have easily found and got to know a babysitter in this time! She's just assumed she can guilt trip her colleague into working and good for the colleague for sticking to her guns! If her relatives are elderly, it could well be their last Christmas!

I knew you were going to say she doesn’t have children. So what? She deserves Christmas off as much as you. Your personal situation & problems should have no bearing on her Christmas plans.

You say you work in care, are you working in a care home? Could you ask your boss if you could bring your son in? If it's just for 3 hours, that could be a Christmas movie on a device and maybe helping you with some tasks. Explain to your boss that it's either that or you will have to quit.

@Jessiejuju you have to tell the manager that the only way you could work would be to literally leave your dc on someone’s doorstep and obviously you’re not going to do that.
And your dc’s father is a disgrace.
Honestly men should pay and be responsible for half of all childcare for their dc whatever the relationship, then they may understand how difficult it is to sort out.

@OwwwMuuuum

I hope you dont ever plan on running a business. If that's how you would decide who got which holiday days accepted than you'd find yourself being taken the tribunal.

And yet she's not withdrawing her request. So I guess it 'means' enough.

So you both asked for Christmas Day off- you were clear you had no childcare and that’s why you needed the day off and then your employees decided they would leave it until November to give you (and your colleague) an answer?

That’s such shitty system by your employer. by refusing to give you an answer until end of November, they have ensured it’s now impossible for you to find childcare.

I presume your colleagues leave also hasn’t been approved so you need to put it back to your manager, you can’t sort it between you. You have no childcare. You are unable to work that day, you are prepared to cancel your leave on Boxing Day and X other days. State again to your manger than if they’d made the decision back in April when you applied for leave, you might have had time to make childcare arrangements but by leaving it until now, it is too late.

definately look for a new job in the new year, this is a terrible way to arrange shifts on bank holidays.

Seriously, OP is getting shit for needing priority to care for her child on Xmas day, and I’m getting an eye roll for expecting respect for being a stay at home parent - on Mumsnet? Seriously? I actually can’t believe that.

Agree with the poster upthread, Mumsnet must have changed a lot (or, not actually be populated by Mums any more).

Presumably there are more than two members of staff on the whole team?

Take the stress out of it and get a sick note for stress.
Then it really is your managers problem